Life Sucks
I have been in the step kids life for 3 years now. Everyone told me it would all work out and be great. Its not they all lied. I am so fed up with being disrespected in my own home. His kids are terrible, rude, disrespectful, and lie all the time. I am tired of walking on eggshells worrying if I am going to upset one of them in my own home. Husband had court today and now we have them 5 days a week instead of just the weekends. I love my husband with all my hear but I can't handle his kids. Finding this site has made it a little easier knowing I'm not the only one out there in this position but I still feel terrible knowing that I don't like them.
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My 2 cents worth? Learning I
My 2 cents worth?
Learning I am not alone -
I have questioned myself, my sanity, my beliefs, my morals, my right to live even.
I had been starting to believe that *I* was the one with the problem, OH and his kids were all fine, and everything that was wrong here was down to ME.
HE was just fine living life his way, HIS kids are saints, my kids were fine until *I* put us into this mess,
And the mess was apparently ALL MY MAKING.
All in my head.
So coming here, and reading everyone's stories and although no two are the same we all suffer from a LOT of similar issues let's face it,
Oh it was a joy, it lessened my burden because I found that NO - I AM NOT THE PROBLEM HERE, I AM NOT THE ONE WHO IS INSANE, SUBJECTING MY KIDS, HIM AND HIS KIDS TO *MY* INSANITY.
I learned that there are other people struggling with variations of the same issues. I learned that there is a whole virtual support network out there of people who understand why I cry myself to sleep some nights, why I feel so abandoned, lied to, alone.
So - while I am saddened by EVERY ONE of these peoples suffering along side me OMG it helped me greatly to learn that I wasn't alone.
That is definitely how I felt
That is definitely how I felt before coming here. I thought that there must be something wrong with me, how could I dislike a child or a person that I've never really met.
Where is the like button?? I
Where is the like button?? I have to 100% agree with this... I always felt like I was the worst person on the face of this earth. Like I didnt deserve to live like something was wrong with me. Who was I to think I had rights in my own home. Who was I to think I shouldnt have to deal with BM's constant flip outs and harrasing emails. Infact until recently I thought that it was my responsibility to be involved and subject myself to having to communicate with BM because that is what she wanted.
Coming here was like sunshine after thinking you would only see rain for the rest of time. And worst of all you thought you had done something to deserve to never see the sun again. Like you didnt deserve to smile because you where a horrible person for not just knowing your role and bowing to everyone else in the situation only to ignore your personal needs. For me this made me realize I am still a person and I can have my own life with my own house rules and I should not have to feel like a bad person for it.
I have gotten to the point
I have gotten to the point that I wonder if my marriage is worth my sanity. The kids are bad but you cant punish them in anyway because they will go tell their BM and she will find a way to use it against us. In the past year and a half we have had 6 CPS cases filed on us from her. Granted they were all false reports but I have 2 bio children and they don't need this.
Im not trying to put my kids
Im not trying to put my kids through hell. I am trying to figure out how to deal with my life as it is now. I dont want to leave my husband and one of my bio kids is his. I am doing the best i can I don't think it is hell for my children it is hell for me.
maybe sueu2 is saying just
maybe sueu2 is saying just because there are others out there living through it too (although it IS such a relief to know that you're not crazy!), it does not relieve you of the responsibility to make things better for yourself. it's not a reason to throw your hands up and think it must be normal because there are others living it, too.
(((HUGS))) Would your DH be
(((HUGS))) Would your DH be open to marriage counseling? If he's not, would you be open to getting some for yourself? Nobody deserves to live in a nightmare.
I felt terrible thinking i
I felt terrible thinking i was the only one that didn't like their step kids. I feel a little better know that I'm not the only one.
We would both be open to it.
We would both be open to it. But i dont think it is us that has the problem it is his kids. One of them lives with us and the other two live with the BM. The two that dont live with us are terrible. They dont think the rules apply to them and that they can walk all over everyone.
Can I suggest that there is a
Can I suggest that there is a problem if he does not demand that his kids respect your home and you? I realize this sounds very harsh and the last thing I want to do is get you further down. However, it should be your DH's job to keep his kids in line and draw a line if they wont respect your home. I dont want to come accross as being mean or rude towards you. But more encourage you to think why it is that his kids have no regard for your home or house rules. (((hugs))) Seems like you need some quiet time to really mull through where the route of the problem is. That might be easier to do with marriage counseling it is just a thought. I dont think it is any fault of your DH if no one has brought it up to him. I had to make my SO understand that we werent bad people for having house rules and dishing out some tough love. It was more showing the skids that they have structure and a loving home where we care enough to stand our ground.
It is comforting to know that
It is comforting to know that u are not alone, that others either are going through the same things or have already gone through them and have made it to the other side intact. It is also comforting to hear others' stories and glean bits and pieces to put together to help you cope. Totally not a schadenfreude thing...
Hugs to o.p and welcome!!!
it IS very comforting to know
it IS very comforting to know others are in your shoes, but this cannot be an excuse to learn how to "cope", but should probably be used to learn how to "change", thereby making your life better, freeing yourself of resentment which will destroy your marriage. and if you are with a partner that will not tolerate your changes, realizing maybe he isn't the one for you. life does not have to suck! and you do not have wallow in misery.