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SS16 Am I wrong to not love this kid??

Cant wait to get out's picture

Submitted by Cant wait to get out on Wed, 12/19/2012 - 4:59pm

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Teenage Stepchildren

I have 2 children of my own and 2 SK. My SD is 12 and SS is 16 I adore and love my SD I consider her like my own biochild but I cant stand my SS he is very very RUDE, disrespectful, mean and most importantly he seems to not give a flying care about anybody not even his lil sis but himself! I totally have nothing against gay/lesbians I mean they are some of the greatest people in this world but my SS is gay and he is such a DIVA! He makes a production out of just about every damn thing he is lazy and refuses to get a job. My husband/his dad sees his terrible behaviour but never does anything at all he doesnt even sit him down and talk to him he always blames it on me and says to me "Your the adult!" He (husband) claims to be a man of God and he walks in faith and says he believes in disipline and always comments on his nieces bad behavior but she is only 3 and she only acts the way she does cause her parents let her. I want to leave so bad but I cant legally take my SD and she and I plus my other 2 kids would be devastated. Sometimes I cant even stand to look at him he has been this way for about 4 yrs now and I feel like I just dont love this kid.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Submitted by CantKeepDoingThis on Fri, 12/21/2012 - 10:24am

You are surely not wrong! Our hands are basically tied with step-kids...this I've learned all too well...and it is very difficult when you are dealing with people who have a totally different method of "parenting" (and I use that term loosely) than you do.

What used to really irk me was that my husband used to always complain about my mom favoring my daughter over my son...he would go on and on and on about how all the kids should be treated equally. However, he doesn't treat my SD the same way that my bio-kids were treated growing up (and if you haven't read my other posts, my husband adopted my kids, so he has the same rights I do with them)! I talk with my bio-kids a lot...when we are alone, even they will tell me, "How does dad let her get away with _______? We would have been !" My SD's whole life (and I have been around that long), she has always been put upon a pedestal by my husband! I'm afraid he has put her so far up there, that she is going to fall smack on her face!

And like you, there are times my SD's presence just makes me cringe. I find I don't want to be around her at all a lot of the time. I don't hate her. I think part of if is the fakeness...some may know what I'm talking about...when you can just tell that a person is not being true, that they are trying to be someone they are not. I've always gotten a "vibe" from folks like this...you either be straight up real with me, or I don't want to deal with you. I have NOTHING against anyone who is LGBT...some of my really good friends are. One thing I can tell you is that being a gay male does NOT mean you have to be a diva! That to me is someone who is going over the top and not being real! There really isn't anything real about being a diva regardless of being male or female! People who are being real don't go all diva on you! I don't like to be around people who are disrespectful and show no concern for other people...I really don't.

That said, I think your husband doesn't know how to deal with the situation (you said he claimed to be a man of God). I am a strong Christian, and I can tell you, there are crazy different sides to this whole thing! I get into fights with other people of faith, because they think being gay is an abomination, and I tell them, "Who are WE to say? Weren't we taught to judge not? Weren't we taught to love?" Now, I'm not going to get into theology here...but what I am saying is that your husband may not be dealing with the situation because he is so conflicted...part of him knows this is his son and he has to love him unconditionally, and part of him is sickened your SS's lifestyle as it goes against his personal beliefs. I've also seen the masculine aspect come into play here with some of my friends...their father's turned their back on them because how could any son THEY raised be gay when they are such a macho man! Some fathers take it as a hit to their own masculinity.

You are surely in my prayers...it is a tough situation. I've been stuck there for some time...I want to leave, I'm not happy...but my son is still in school, and I don't want to complicate things for him with a divorce so close to graduation and his trying to get into a good college. I keep trying to tell myself to just hold out a little longer, but it gets tougher and tougher, especially when a step-child gets in the way of us dealing with our real marital issues...adding more to it all.

MarriedaBallessWonder's picture

Submitted by MarriedaBalless... on Wed, 12/26/2012 - 12:01pm

Hi Can't Wait,

I also have a gay SS, a red head to boot. It does get easier as they get older, especially as they leave for college (ours left last summer for a university).

My SS came out when he was 16, but really is was not big surprise as he has always been effeminate. He was/is also very selfish and lazy.

When he was in high school he would go to some gay social clubs and made some friends he could relate to. But then you have to worry who he is sneaking around with. My SS snuck around with a man with was 36 for a long time. Even after my H and I went to his (the man's) house and demanded he stop seeing SS.

My SS was never disciplined either by H or Horsefaced BM.

Anyway, I know it's hard and it gets better. My SS seems to have more compassion and understanding for situations as he gets older. He just turned 19.

Hang in there!

I have a straight SS who just turned 16 and he is the biggest, fattest, lazy asshole ever.