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Definition of "family".

Purple hope's picture

Submitted by Purple hope on Wed, 02/26/2014 - 2:46pm

Another poster (engaged but not married) future stepmom asked for input involving the word "family". While reading responses and surfing around, I noticed that many of us have ENTIRELY differing opinions on what constitutes "family". I have lived with my bf and his kids (here 50% of the time) for several years. We are not married because we wanted the kids to be more comfortable with the idea before such change (that can possibly be hard for them) to happen....and to be honest, even wanted it to be a as much of a non-issue as possible when it does occur. At some point in this time, we have become a "family" in all of our hearts.

Here's my question for other steps and future steps. What constitutes FAMILY to all of you.
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Do you really think there needs to be a marriage certificate, or is it more gray than that.

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Wed, 02/26/2014 - 2:48pm

To me? "family" is a term reserved for my blood relatives and husband. I have lots of friends who are LIKE family to me, but to me it's not the same. I am a "blood is thicker than water" person.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Thu, 02/27/2014 - 5:13am

THIS

I'm also a blood is thicker than water person.

Having a close knit family was very important to my grandmother. She emphasized that to her 11 children and they did the same with us.

This is the one thing DF and I consistently butt heads about. He comes from an every man for his/herself type of family. Our expectations of family are like night and day.

askYOURdad's picture

Submitted by askYOURdad on Mon, 03/03/2014 - 7:36am

I told my bios when they were about 3 years old this:

There are several different kinds of families. Some have A mom and dad and siblings, some just a mom and dad. Some families have only a mom or only a dad and may or may not have siblings. Some have a mom and a dad who live at different houses and might have siblings at one house, not the other, or that go to both like you guys. Some have step parents. Some families are kid(s) and their aunt, or uncle or grandparent. There are even families that have two moms or two dads. No one can tell you who is or isn't your family. Your family is the people that you live with, that take care of each other and love each other and spend time together and make traditions and memories.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Wed, 02/26/2014 - 2:59pm

I do associate "family" with marriage.

When I refer to someone as "family", I'm referring to my blood relatives (parents, siblings, etc). DH's family, I usually refer to as "DH's family" (MIL, SIL, neice, nephew, etc).

That said, while I don't necessarily refer to his family as "family", I love them like family. I consider his kids my family in my heart but I respect that they have their own thoughts & feelings toward me.

I loved my MIL dearly...like family & in my heart she is.

I guess I have different thoughts on it depending on whether I'm thinking in terms of fact or feeling.

I would never refer to DH's kids as "my kids".
I would never refer to MIL as "my mom".

But I love them very much & feel protective of them like I would my family.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Wed, 02/26/2014 - 3:18pm

The people that support me (emotionally and mentally) and love me.

They don't necessarily have to be related to me.

ETA - Or married to me.

QueenBeau's picture

Submitted by QueenBeau on Wed, 02/26/2014 - 4:33pm

I relate marriage to family. When I see bf/gf couples I don't think of them as family. I do think about life partners as family, who cannot legally get married.

I consider my best friend family & her son calls me aunt.

I am from a huge family, I have 100's of first cousins, my dad has 11 siblings & my mom has 10 & they are both the youngest.

So idk.