And the ugliness rears her head…AGAIN....WTF???
I was on the BM’s property….doing a favor for her!!! And the ugliness rears her head…AGAIN.
BACK STORY: About 6 months ago, THE BM had some big rant about me not being welcome on her property…yada, yada, and that if I was, she would call the cops and get a protective/restraining order. I had previously been there like 4 times total in almost a year. ALWAYS just sitting in the car while we pick up/dropped off the kids. We live somewhat close, so its usually not a big deal, I just don’t go when kids are picked up or dropped off, and never is much of a hassle. GREAT True part of this was: The one time my FDH went to pick up SS for his birthday dinner and SS immediately said, “Where is Purple? Isn’t she coming with us?” FDH just drove over, picked me up and we all went to dinner together, then dropped me off at home before heading to drop son off. I just love that I left the dinner for them to have their time, BUT that he sincerely wanted me there…you know…the horrible me that their mother doesn’t think should be on her property…..ugh.
Anyway…back to ugly rearing: A few weeks ago, BM actually asked FDH if he would mind taking SS to something during “her time”, since she had conflicting plans. He has pushed for them to help each other with such stuff and we didn’t mind at all changing our plans a bit to accommodate the few hours it would be to take him. (it was one of our few weekends without the skids) FDH agreed to take him to his thing, and maybe to lunch so we could get him back on her timetable….no biggie. BUT… we went to pick him up, TOGETHER. She didn’t give us a ton of time between her “pick him up time” and the event, it was a bit of a drive away, and might take awhile, and we knew SS would ask where I was, why I wasn’t there, so OF COURSE I went. I sat in the car while SS came out and got in truck…then here came THE BM…out to hand FDH some paper work for some SS school stuff. She never looked at me, (may not have even seen me with tinted windows) talked to FDH for a minute, then we took off…NO BIGGIE!! TILL a few days ago…GRRRRRRRRRRRRR
We went to a school thing to see SS do his thing. When he was done, FDH headed over to find his son, say bye….etc. I was hanging back waiting (as I always do when she’s around…so as not to make SS feel awkward) I see THE BM head over to FDH and try to talk to him….he said a few words and walked on down to look for his son….she followed him to talk some more…and this happened a few times until she finally HUFFED away about the time he found his son. I KNEW in my heart she was UP TO SOMETHING.
When we got in the car, he proceeds to tell me that she came up and said how upset that she was that she was “trying so hard to co parent with him, and work with him…and that we were disrespecting her and not following her rules because I WAS IN THE CAR WHEN WE PICKED HIM UP!!!” SERIOUSLY….COME ON!!!! We do a FAVOR for BM and take him for a few hours, and run his errands with him, and THIS is her reaction. FDH told her that I wasn’t going anywhere and she needed to cool her jets, that it was no big deal and that she needed to get over it.
I just knew that you ladies might have incurred similar…and truthfully I’m a bit lost on what to do. A part of me thinks we should just ignore her, and if it’s a pain to pick me up/drop me off when handling kids, I will just be in the car every now and then and she can deal. I’m thinking if we call her bluff a few times, maybe she will just chill. I can’t imagine that she would call the cops and make a fuss in front of the kids. I mean what’s she going to say…that she doesn’t want me in his car in her driveway??? How sensible would that be to the cops and the kids? Another part of me, wants to continue the small hassle of working around her requests, but if it ever comes up…just tell the kids that she has these demands, and ask them if it’s ok if we just park out in the street if I’m with him.
I don’t know, this is SO FREAKING STUPID that I can’t even believe I’m worried about it…but I am. I don’t want to put the kids in any more awkward situations than is necessary, she already does that to them enough. I don’t know….I just hate this shit…I hate it for me, I hate it for FDH, and I especially hate it for the kids….This stuff just makes NO SENSE.
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Comments
BM over here did the same
BM over here did the same thing for the first year DH and I were together. I wasn't allowed to be on her property or she'd call the cops.
So we just didn't drive into her driveway. I went, every.single.time just to piss her off at that point. We'd park on the street and he'd walk through the yard to pick up the kids and I'd get out and open the door for them and buckle them in.
She might be able to control you being in her driveway but she cannot control you being in the damn car.
When I was married to my
When I was married to my exhusband he had a crazy BM. We would do the same exact thing-drop me off down the street and pick me back up after he got skid. One day she followed him to the store I was waiting at. She pulled in behind us and he got out of the car and she slapped him across the face and drove away. We drove home. She followed us there and pulled behind my car and blocked us in. She tried to get in the car to attack me and she hit her face on the shifter. She called the cops freaking out about me being there (we were in front of me and DH's house) and she ended up going to jail for the weekend!! CPS got involved and we were cleared of any wrong doing and her and SD had to go to counseling for 6 months and the judge ordered her to have no contact with us for 6 months. Her mother had to drop of SD to us for 6 months.
And thats how we got around BM not wanting me on her property. The subject never came up again!! The funny part of all of this is that I divorced him and I am now friends with her!!
He needs to put his foot down and tell her to get over herself. No judge would order that you cannot go to the drop off/pick ups!! Its none of her business. Don't step foot on her actual property.
My fiancees bm tried to do
My fiancees bm tried to do the same thing. She never wanted me around her kids. After they went to court, she was furious because the judge told her it was non of her business who the kids were around when they were with my fiancee. He gave her a BIG OL' grin when he had said that. Its just immature bm's unable to release their imaginary grasp on their ex's.
I am new here and have to say, it really throws me off to see bm used to baby mamma, because I work in a daycare and we use bm for the term bowel movement. muahahahaha.. Evil of me, I know. }:)
She can't really control
She can't really control where you go. That said, why make a bad situation worse? I'd go if it made sense (like when you're on a tight schedule) though. Why should you and your dh go out of your way to accommodate her crazy? Like justthemaid said - don't actually go "on her property". She doesn't own the street and as long as you don't get out of the car she can't claim you harassed / threatened her.
BM in my case called the cops to escort her to my house for an exchange once because she "felt threatened". Hence, exchanges no longer take place at my house and if she comes to my house, I will call the police. She has no business here since our court order puts the exchange at a public spot.
unless their CO says you cant
unless their CO says you cant be there then you can. I wouls suggest doing curbside pickup instead of being on her property or in her driveway when you are there just to be on the safe side...but again if it is not written in the CO that you cant be there for pick up or drop off then there is not a damn thing she can do.
Can someone tell me...what
Can someone tell me...what does PEW stand for?
Thanks.
Thanks Tons Ladies for all
Thanks Tons Ladies for all the advice and for sharing your experiences. It is so strange that it just feels better to know you are not the only one dealing with this crap. You guys ROCK!!!