It's been a very hard past few weeks for BF and I. I still dont favor his kids and he sort of wants me to tend to them in motherly ways when they are around, but I just dont want to care for them the way he wants me to. I have two girls of my own, and I feel as though I could never love anyone the way I love my girls; I dont want to mother children that arent mine. Anyway, I think we've reached the point where going our separate ways seems like the only resolution for this. I hate this, every second of it.
His kids are just bad little girls, they misbehave and they lie. I dont like being responsible for them, plain and simple. I am not sure whether I should allow this breakup to happen because I love him with every fiber of my being, and I wish he didnt have kids. Though I accept that he does, I still do not want to be involved with them anymore than I have to. So if they have to come over every other weekend, I can deal. But this is as long as I can keep busy to maintain my distance from them. This is what bothers him, and of course, I get that. If I let him go so he can be happy and a better father to his children, then I'm being selfless and I'll have to learn how to deal with life without him after so many years. If I fight for him to stay, then this might get worse (but in my head, a small voice says what if it just gets better?)
I need some advice from anyone who's been in this position before. I cant escape my thoughts and they all lead me back to us breaking up because of his kids. They require all of his attention when theyre over because theyre just so misbehaved, and I just dont enjoy being around them - how do I make it so we all win? I dont mean to sound naive, but for whatever reason I thought that a blended family wouldnt be so difficult. How childish to think that maybe it would be alll great and dandy My life as I know it is crashing down on me and I cant help but feel like the blame should fall on no one else but BM for being such a piece of s**t mother. Yes, it's a team parenting situation we're all in, but she does 90% of it since skids live with her. And if I were to say well lets take them more often, then my own sanity is at stake. I'm being selfish, and I really really dont know how to not be right now. Talk about a happy monday.