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How to say no without risking nuclear war

positivelyfourthstreet's picture

DD and I do not want to go OOT for several days withe the perpetually angry f. Er. Known as dad.

How do I say no without starting a war?

Mommy daughter bonding time?

Summertime. Flu?

Ideas please

Comments

misSTEP's picture

Just say know. If he is perpetually angry, then he can be angry. He will get over it.

If you went, I bet you dollars to donuts that he'd get angry anyway. So let him get angry and go away for a while.

positivelyfourthstreet's picture

THIS

I agree with all of you.

He can just go away and be mad somewhere else.

I know he's abusive why am I still here, yada, yada, yada.

Trying to get a job so I can build a freedom fund.

RainbowsAndDaisies's picture

The fact that you are walking on eggshells around a perpetually angry man means that you are either already in an abusive situation or will be very soon.

thinkthrice's picture

Yep!

positivelyfourthstreet's picture

He has alienated everyone with his random raging routine.

Meltdowns are getting as regular as at least twice a week.

He is off his meds so he's way worse than normal.

I have repeatedly advised him on his health problems-raging/anxiety(he almost had a heart attack), obesity, acid redux, digestive issues aches and pains and just feeling crappy overall( only when he brings it up)he refuses to start eating better, take his meds like he should and cut down on or quit drinking.

I'm washing my hands.

He's a grown man and if he wants to throw fits and wind up killing himself as a result it's on him.

I've done my part and paid my fucking dues already.

thinkthrice's picture

I've got the same "breed" Will probably end up drinking himself to death. He too has uncontrollable rages, usually directed at me because he is too afraid to confront the real issues. Combine that with an unjustifiable massive ego and you've got trouble.

I've given up trying to "babysit" him a long time ago. You might want to get the book/audio of "The New Co-Dependent" or the older "Co-Dependent No More" it still applies to people who are not the partners of alcoholics.

positivelyfourthstreet's picture

He doesn't really drink that much but it's beer and very unhealthy.

Drinking... Meh....

The only problem is the raging and he does that drunk or sober. I wouldn't treat anyone like he does on my worst day. It's just not in my nature. I'm almost certain there's some sort of personality disorder and he's broken so I don't even try to understand it or fix it.

Just ride the wave, stay calm and cope the best I can until I can do something positive.

Like get a job and someday have a new and better life.

With or without him.

Evereyday looking more and more unlikely with him.

I don't know if maybe he suspects I feel this way and he's not as in control as he used to be and that's making him worse.

He can't stand to see me happy. Me and the kids have fun- no Disney bullshit here they have chores and what of.

He gets worse when I get more confident or talk back(like I'm a defiant teenaged daughter or some BS like that)

I feel like he sees me as another one of the kids or an indentured servant(eye roll)

Someday, when it all finally blows up, maybe I'll be lucky enough to find a decent man who really loves me.

That I can actually share my life with. Who will like seeing me happy and actually aid and abet my pursuit of happiness.

Not a sugar daddy- just a good man who accepts me for what I am.

I am just so MFing done here.