We have been battling with him for 3 years now. Through countless therapists, evaluations, doctors, medications, etc. He was even getting to the point where I thought we had made some serious progress, but now I'm not so sure.

A little background (I mentioned these next few paragraphs in response to another blog, so I apologize for cross-posting):

We have went through 3 years of behavioral therapy, evaluations, preschools, pediatricians, rewards and/or discipline and unhelpful family and psychotic BM. It was constantly, "he's out of control, we can't handle him" from everyone. The only people he would calm down for were DH and I, and even then, it was very difficult to take him along for any social setting. Extreme temper tantrums, hitting and kicking people (and himself) when angry, throwing things, inability to sit still, absolute refusal to follow directions no matter what the reward or consequence may be.

Part of it is his upbringing. His BM lets him do whatever he wants and ENCOURAGES him to "play fight" and "defend himself". He's 6 1/2! And then has my DH come get him when she "can't control him" or she is tired of him. She's one of those people who will take a swing at you if you even look at her the wrong way, and she is bound and determined to make him the same way. My DH's family is not exactly helpful either. Just choruses of "Oh, he's just a baby, he doesn't know any better." AUGGGH! No consequences for him whatsoever. Then, when they can't control him, they just tell DH to come get him (BM does this too) because they can't "deal with him".

At daycare/pre-K: He'd kick his pregnant teachers in the stomach. He threw his head back once during a tantrum and busted another teacher's nose. He would wallop some other kid with a toy if he didn't get his way. He wouldn't go to time-out and would run around making his teachers chase him. He climbed the fence (twice!) in the playground and ran across a field. He has unbelievable anger issues. And it's not just a matter of discipline...we have tried just about every reward/consequence system in the book and even good old-fashioned spankings and time-outs. We even tried behavioral therapy for a year with a well-recommended child therapist, and she got to the point she had to stop therapy and referred us to a specialist at Vanderbilt Hospital in Nashville because we weren't making any progress (it would work for 2 weeks, then he's go back to the way he was before). We had basically ran the child therapist out of ideas.

He is on Risperdol for the aggression. He takes .25 ml (or the tablet equivalent) each night before bed. He has been diagnosed with ODD and PDD-NOS (a step above Asperger's, I believe, on the autism spectrum). We didn't want to go this route, but we had exhausted all other options, and it was either this or taking a chance that he will never be able to function on his own and he would eventually hurt someone.

The PDD-NOS diagnosis is due to his problems with communication and how he handles social situations. He gets nervous and does the hand-flapping/inappropriate blurting out. He actually was held back last year due to his problems focusing/aggression/communication and was placed in a special ed Pre-K class after the past 2 1/2 years of all of the above, we started him on a small dose of Focalin (I think it's 10mg 1x a day, extended release) in February with amazing results.

Because of all the hard work the school, DH, SS, and myself have put in, (plus the Focalin and Risperdol) he will be going into a standard K class in the fall with only an hour a day of resource help (for helping with social situations and how to cope). Eventually, he will not even need that.

So because of all this, I thought we were in the clear.

He went to his mom's for 2 weeks at the beginning of summer, and it's been hell ever since. We enrolled him in a summer program at a local daycare, with reading programs, swimming, field trips, etc. Last week (the first of our two weeks with him), he has been HORRENDOUS. He runs away from teachers, hits kids with toys, refuses to eat his lunch or snacks, has tantrums, etc.

I just don't know what to do. They must think we're awful parents, but I swear he is not like that with us and I don't know what the difference is! He has already been told by the school he cannot go to the pool on Wednesday because of his behavior, and he was "grounded" from TV all weekend because of his behavior. His response? "I can't control myself. I get overexcited."

Something tells me SOMEONE *cough cough BM* has been feeding this line of crap to him, so he can use it as an excuse to do whatever he wants and not listen to anyone. They should feel "sorry" for him instead.

My DH and BM have about 70/30 custody with DH getting him 70% of the time and DH as the primary parent (We get him all week and the 4th/5th weekends of every month during the year, plus half of holidays and breaks) We wanted to try splitting time 50/50 this summer (2 weeks with his BM, 2 weeks with us) to just give us all a break and to let him spend more time with his mother. Plus, it keeps us from having to shell out $$ each week for the summer program (4 weeks instead of 8). She doesn't pay a dime of child support and we are pretty broke.

But so far it has been disastrous and it just feels so unfair to get a break only to potentially lose it because she's causing him to spin out of control again.

It has been a ridiculous 3 years, and the way my SS is already acting, I dread what the next 11 1/2 years will bring. I don't even want to have a child of our own for fear of the chaos it will bring and how my SS will react to a baby. He has soured my desire for future children, and it just makes me so sad.

I will be so glad when he goes back to her Sunday night.