I am new to this site which I hope to get some good advice. I have a blended family problem. I have ongoing issues with my Stepdaughter. Let me give you some background information first. I used to live in Connecticut. I have two biological girls from a previous marriage. They are 7 and 6 years old. There bio-mother is out of the picture by her choice not mine. She is an alcoholic. My oldest daughter suffers from ADHD and fetal alcohol syndrome. She has many problems learning and she is very immature for her age. With youngest daughter, I don't see many issues with her yet. I doubt I will though. In 2006, I met my wife now, which she has a daughter, my SD, who is 8 years old. I moved to Long Island which we all ended up living together. My SD8, was recently diagnosed with PDD/NOS, which is a form of Autism. She is high functioning, very smart, learns very quickly. She is emotionally immature too. My SD, she is very regitmented. You have the house rules, which she has a subset of rules in her mind. She is very attached to her mom. Her dad is around which she goes to his house every weekend. BTW, her dad is the opposite of me. By that I mean, he is ultra lazy, not reliable, he doesn't have any concept of time. He will buy his daughter, my SD, whatever she wants including candy, ice cream, toys, DS games, new shoes, etc.... I feel that children need to earn gifts and treats. She is very spoiled by her dad. I say NO all the time, he doesn't say NO to her. Even my wife, her mother, gets easily upset with him and his lack of attitude. Anyways, my problem with my SD is this, she needs couseling very badly. Her mother knows this too. She agrees with me. My SD and I are very similiar which we like to control our environments. Of course, we constantly butt heads. We argue and give each other mean faces. Her mother is always in the middle of it. My SD walks around the house like she is the princess and my daughters, her step sisters, are like the ugly ducklings. She does play nice with her stepsisters WHEN she is in the mood. At dinnertime, we have to eat separately cause she doesn't like chewing sounds. My wife is worried about my relationship in the future with her daughter. Like my SD will hate me or something. Meanwhile, my wife doesn't care about her own relationship with her stepdaughters. She is always getting into my face about her concerns with her own daughter and how I handled a situation regarding her daughter. I was thinking that I need to seek counseling as well.

Is it me or the stepdaughter?