New to the site and desperate for help
My husband and I have been together for 10 yrs. His youngest daughter is now eleven. Her and I have always gotten along. We have never had any trouble until the past 1 1/2. When I was 6 months pregnant with our first son I noticed that she began following her father around the house. She never left his side. I brought this to my husbands attention and he said I didn't give her enough attention. Every time I ask her to do something he claims I am too hard on her. Now that our son is 8 mths old and we are expecting another in 5 mtns things are worse. She is still following him around. She doesn't speak to me, she won't answer me if I ask her a question. She doesn't listen to me if I ask her to do anything. If he is not around she stays in her room and only comes out when he's around. If he has to run upstairs for 10 seconds she follows him. If we are trying to have a conversation she is right there. I can't even sit next to my husband because she is all over him. I am so miserable. She is only there on the weekends but I can't handle it. I don't want to be home when she is there. I try to work every weekend so I don't have to be there, but then I miss my husband. He works 3-12 M-F and I work the night shift 11-7 so we don't spend much time together. Our only time together is the weekend. I'm afraid to say anything because my husband always defends her and we end up in a fight. I'm at a loss, any advice
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My SD10 (I have been with DH
My SD10 (I have been with DH since she was 3 1/2) is actually the opposite. She clings to me and when I am not around she hangs out in her room. I do plan my work schedule to be gone when she is there if I can--just becuz I want the 2 of them to spend time together. And frankly I need a break from her sometimes. Then she goes to BMs and says that DH refuses or doesn't spend time with her....when it is her staying away from him. And then that causes issues....
I think SD follows me around everywhere becuz ???? and goes in her room when I am gone becuz ??? IDK I am not any easier on her than DH.
I would guess that she follows around her BF becuz she wants to make herself known to him. She wants him to show her that she is not forgotten-- that is my best guess.
BTW my H and I have 3yr, 10mth old.
This actually isn't that
This actually isn't that surprising to me. A lot of only children don't adjust well to having new siblings. They resent not being the center of attention anymore, and she's probably blaming you for this since you're the one who's actually having the babies. She's probably following DH around because she wants to stay his center of attention. She wants to have him to herself like she used to.
If it's at all possible, I would try to go on some outing just the three of you and leave the baby with a sitter or relative for a few hours. It might remind SD of how it used to be before the babies so she might start acknowledging you like she used to. Maybe all go to a movie together, or a picnic, or whatever makes you guys happy. She'll probably get better too once the babies are older and you don't have to be caring for them 24/7 like you are now, but that's a ways off so I'd try to outings together. Good luck!
Thats a great idea SB!
Thats a great idea SB!
Thanks for all of your
Thanks for all of your advice, I appreciate it. But, I miss my husband.
I get that, which is another
I get that, which is another good reason to try the outing thing. You'll be spending time with your husband as well as SD, and if this little idea works out, then maybe SD won't be hanging on her daddy all time because she'll realize that she still gets to be the "only child" every now and then. Eventually you might end up with some alone time with your DH, but at the very least, you won't have to spend every weekend at work to avoid your SD.
P.S. My husband has taken
P.S. My husband has taken her out for a day together and I've attempted to take her places with me but she always says no. I don't want to be at my house on the weekends anymore. I'm so sad and I don't believe my husband can see whats really happening here.
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If the Broom Fits, Ride
If the Broom Fits, Ride It!!!!!
Have you considered forcing
Have you considered forcing her to go somewhere with just you so you can talk to her? Perhaps tell her you notice you aren't as close to her anymore and ask her if there is anything you have done or anything you can do to mend the relationship. Have you tried to compliment her like crazy? Giving extra love? Make her a bigger part of the babies life? Your husband has to be on your side. He needs to support you and your feelings. Have you explained it to him the way you are us? It is not ok for him to continue letting the behavior go on and it is not ok for him to let her disrespect you by ignoring you either. You are one family whether she wants to be or not. He needs to establish this now before she gets older and it is too late. Are you sure her mother isn't telling her things about you?
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