Paranoid and confused. What to do, how to handle?
I am 22 with my own child of age 4. Her dad isn't around anymore so she is going through separation issues on top of dealing with a new sister (my sd). She is 2 years of age and doesn't listen worth a damn, her father (my boyfriend) doesn't want to get onto her because he doesn't want to be the bad guy (weekend Dad)but that makes me the bad guy because i don't stand for that. If my kid can't do it then i'll be damned if she(sd) can get away with it.I Hate dealing with the bio. mom she keeps telling my boyfriend that she still loves him and she wants her family that she never started back. I have been in my (sd's) life since she was born, before she was born actually. She left my BF while she was pregnant and as soon as she hears he gets a house i want you back, gets a GF i want you back. Takes no responsibility for anything that has to do with my SD. Everything is our fault her not being potty trained by now, her potty mouth. I mean come on Grow up already. Idk what to do idk if hes going to go back to his ex and leave me and my kid. He has no back bone when it comes to her. If she goes out and gets drunk, she will call him and hey guess who goes and picks her up. He won't fight, talk or say anything about his dislikes about their arrangement with my sd. I get why but sometimes its like come on already. I get he doesn't want to lose time with his daughter for opening his mouth and making her mad, but he loses his time either way if she doesn't get her way then no sd for the weekend. I hate she uses my sd as a tool to get something. Idk what to do. Idk if im over reacting to this situation. I don't like that he calls my sd's mom, her mom. why can't he just use her name i get shes my sd's mom don't remind me about your past lover i mean are you still in love with the women, i get so paranoid. Such a confusing situation.
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It isn't going to get better.
It isn't going to get better. There is nothing confusing about it, honey. You want him to be someone he isn't ready to be. The idea that he goes to pick her drunk ass up is outlandish. That is what boyfriends / close friends / family members do. He is none of those things. He is simply the guy she used to date and the father of her child. Having a kid together doesn't make them family.
He needs to get a court order with visitation so she can't use the kid and then let her know that he is no longer her support system. BUT I doubt he will do that, so if I were you, I'd move on. You're young. Don't get involved in this mess.
Think long and hard about
Think long and hard about whether you want to stay in this situation. Sounds like you might be his backup plan. You are young. Please read other people's posts and situations. I really don't think that a guy with such poor boundaries with his child's mom is a good candidate for a BF. You need to think of what is best for you and YOUR child.
He picks her up when she is
He picks her up when she is drunk? Let me guess, you stay at the house and watch their kid?
Hell no. That needs to stop, and he needs to tell her to cut the bull, and he needs to not engage with her. When she starts the my family shit, he needs to hang up.
And if he refuses, u pretty much have your answer. RUN RUN RUN. he already made it clear where she us, and where his child is, and where you are. And you are not in the top.
Hell no! Let that drunk b go get a cab. My ex would laugh his ass off if I tried to call him to pick my drunk ass up. And then he would hang up on me.
You guys have good arguments.
You guys have good arguments. Though he tells me he loves me all the time and says he hates her and would never o back to her, so i think that's my problem. He has told me this over and over i just can't seem to believe him. He watches my daughter when im at work after he gets off of work and he helps pay for things that i could never afford. It has been awhile since he has picked her drunk ass up but idk if he just said no or she just doesn't ask anymore and if that's the case will he if she starts again. He says he loves our family and doesn't want to break it up. I feel like i'm just paranoid, hints the name lol. He trys to reassure me. I just think he should be able to have a back bone. He has a court agreement. He pays child support but they are making their own rules and because hes a every weekend dad and not an every other weekend dad which is what they have in their arrangement she gets to use my sd as a tool. He doesn't want to be an every other weekend dad so he gives in to her a women he so called hates. He hasn't gone back after every attempt she has tried. I am young but I also bring fears from my ending marriage. I love my sd and will hate to lose her not to mention my bd will lose another dad. He's young and has been a parent for only 2yrs. doesn't he need time to work through this new situation or am i just kidding myself?