... I have mixed feelings about this. If the kids are little and she doesn't have an SO, I wouldn't freak out at him if he took the kids to a store and had them pick out a card and something small or help them make these at home. Now if the kids are oh.... 12 or older and he's doing this without them asking or if he's spending a considerable amount on it, I'd be pretty irritated. If BM has someone in her life as well, he shouldn't be doing this any longer.

I don't think it's 'normal'. My DH would certainly never do it. If you're upset about it, talk to him. Tell him that you think it would be less confusing for everyone involved if presents for a particular parent didn't involve the ex. Frankly, a lot of people would throw the gift out if they knew/thought it had come from the ex.

The first year my exh had his gf for father's day I gave my kids money to pick a gift, and SO took them to get me one. Last year his gf took them to get him a Christmas gift so I saw it as not my responsibility to do that anymore. The kids didn't get any of us a gift for Christmas (gf didn't take them for their dad and SO didn't for me) and we've never had SO's kids get them anything for their BM or SO.
It's not my responsibility to do it and I really don't care if I get a gift from my kids, dd is old enough to get a job I'm slowly cutting her off from receiving the things she expects, she's been warned what happens at 18, she's been told she can't have her license till she can pay her insurance and have the deductible in savings if she were to wreck my car and I won't buy her one.
DS does summer work for his GP, if he chooses not to he chooses to be broke.
I'm not worried about the ex's getting gifts that's on their gf/bf not me and SO.

If the kids are little and she doesn't have an SO, I wouldn't freak out at him if he took the kids to a store and had them pick out a card and something small or help them make these at home. Now if the kids are oh.... 12 or older and he's doing this without them asking or if he's spending a considerable amount on it, I'd be pretty irritated. If BM has someone in her life as well, he shouldn't be doing this any longer.

^^^^ THIS.

When DH and I got together I let DH and SS know that from now on I would help SS pick out his Father's Day/Birthday/Christmas presents not BM.

*** I am going to add onto this by saying I think if the children are little and DH/SO is buying A MOTHERS day gift for BM it should never be anything expensive or personal. Just a small token that would be picked out by a child not a "lover" or "Ex-lover".

Really maybe it should be made by the child (if possible) whether it's a gift or just a card.

Since we have been together DH has offered to give SS enough money for a Mother's Day card for BM and I did not have a problem with that.

Even then SS could have just made her one. But Christmas and her Birthday no way!!! That is her friends and families responsibility!

Now SS(stb18) is old enough that if he wants to give gifts to others then he needs to get a job!

My skids are quite young, and for Mother's Day I think it's more about them than it is about BM. They wanted to do something special for their mom, so we baked special cupcakes for her. DH wouldn't have done anything for her,at all but I didn't want the skids to feel bad for not having something to give her. We also baked a ton of cookies for Christmas, and the skids asked if we could put together a box of them for BM. I let them do it because she has no SO or family close by to take the skids shopping for her.

This past year, my DH was picking out gifts for BM (he was looking at stuff online to order) and I flipped the F** out on him.

First of all, his kids are teenagers. They can buy their own gifts or make a card. Secondly, if you HAVE to buy something, it should be a cupcake or something - not a necklace.

He realized REALLY quickly how F*ing retarded this was though, and apologized. Unless SDs made her something, she got nothing. Not my problem. Maybe she should be raising kids who understand the importance of giving.

DH usually gives SD $20.00 so she can buy her mom flowers. I have even taken SD to buy flowers on occasion. SS is 20 y/o and can buy his own gift and always does. He has even bought me a mothers day gift which I think is amazing.
Jewelry is NOT acceptable and I would throw a fucking titi fit if my DH ever did that. But I don't get upset about him taking his daughter to get a card for her mom, it's from his kid not from him.

I dont get why everyone gets so hung up on gifts. I did my own blog about this last month. It depends on the relationship between the parents and actually even if there is NO relationship even co parenting relationship at all it is still thoughtful on behalf of your child to have a gift for your child to give to their parent on Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Now Im not talking about a Ipad, or something big like that. But I do think taking SD or SS out to get a card and something small for them to give to Mom on Mothers Day is appropriate. Signed by ss or sd, given by them.

Sometimes we sound so jealous, and I really think some of the people on this sight are for good reason. But some just seeth over the thought of their husband co parenting with BM. Believe me, if your co parenting successfully it makes life sooooo much more pleasant

Partner had always given the kids money for BM's birthday, Christmas and mothers day. And she gives the kids money for him. The eldest works now so he uses his own money. I don't have a problem with it because he doesn't give a lot and the kids never assume they're getting money of their dad. But then my BM has been nowhere as bad as some of your BM's have.