Get and read the book "Not Just Friends." Stop worrying about him and BM and do what makes you happy or you'll beat your head bloody trying to make someone else happy who isn't doing the same for you. Your what 22 is today what you are willing to settle with for the very long rest of your life?

It really sounds like you need time to just focus on you and your child.

Divorce your ex, then work on you.

Sounds like you have some real trust issues that you need to work on before you involve anyone in your life. You are young, take your time with life. Enjoy your child, and don't stress yourself about a man that you aren't ready to trust.

I agree with giving tree, it can depend a lot on the person.

But I'm a little more old fashioned in my ways, and I have said this to people many times. And I have been called Insecure, trusting, jealous etc. I don't care.

Me: I have had many male friends to fill in the gaps when I was single, and I still have male 'friends'. But being in a commited intimate relationship for 3 years, I honestly don't need them, and don't want to hang out with them unless my SO is with us. Every male 'friend' has hit on me, or tried to date me at some point in our friendship. It made me uncomfortable, and just don't want to deal with it. And the male contacts I do have, that I speak to occasionally, have all been introduced to my SO , and they have become friends. And we all hang out together. If I am with a man, I want him to be my go to guy. I want him to be my best friend. If I feel like I have a need to spend time with a male friend who is not my SO, and dint want my SO present, I have to wonder why, for myself, and realistically check My intentions.

Him: he has plenty of 'girlfriends' on fb, etc. Some I know, some I don't. I expect the same from him. If he has some insatiable need to see these some., I have to wonder my place, or what I'm not filling, and at what point does his need for his friend interrupt our limited alone time together. Between work, and his kid, my kid, family obligations (moms etc) and friends, we rarely get alone time and yes, if he wants to spend an evening with some girl, and I'm not invited, and it will be another 2 weeks before we get alone time, I'm gonna be pissed.

And there have been issues, even with mutual girls we know, even a self proclaimed lesbian, who steadily became a thorn in my side. I told him, that I have never been in a relationship where I had to deal with so many women, and so much drama. I have had female friends of his, actually get defensive with me, on fb, because of some stupid comment. Wth? Really? He has the most entitled girl friends I have ever seen. The lesbian, was constantly posting, I love him, love that guy, tagging him in pic he wasnt in, posting stupid crap and even fb messaging me, at 0700 am to smack him on the ass for her. I discussed this with SO, and I was just sick of all these women being in our lives, constantly. And I knew her, but its just too much. Add on top of that the BM drama I was dealing with, and SS drama, and then some baby mama from 18 years ago who demands he not acknowledge his first son, who he hast seen in 10 years, and I told him enough, was enough.

He agreed. And said something to this person etc. I wasnt jealous so much, I was just sick of it. If he needs to spend all evening texting some chick, why the hell am I even here?

And for that matter, I Remebr when marriage didnt mean separate phone, and women/men texting when they want etc. I Remebr one phone, and if some woman called my house, asking for my husband, the response was who the hell was this? Social sites, and cell phones, have contributed to a lot of broken marriages and relationship. Boundaries are crossed everyday. Lines are blurred, intimacy can created with someone they have never met.

I tell you all this, just as an example, since you mentioned you did not have a lot of experience with this. My nest advice for you is that the two of you sit down and decide what is tolerable, and acceptable and where the priorities are.

Is it just bm you feel insecure about, or is it pretty much any woman he talks to? It sounds to me like you're both very insecure, as he has told you he thinks all men are after you so you don't talk to men. In my opinion that is very unhealthy in a relationship and leads to a lifetime of jealousy, possessiveness, mistrust and suspicion. Where I come from, it's quite normal for people to have friends of the opposite sex who have completely platonic relationships, in fact my dh has some very good female friends who have now become my friends too. My bd20 has a long term boyfriend but has many male friends from her days at college, her boyfriend has female friends from his work and neither of them have a problem with it.

I do think it's a bit different when it comes to ex partners though, because you know there's a history between them, they've had sex and they once meant something to each other. When kids are involved, unfortunately it's a fact of life that they have to have contact with each other until those kids are adults and no longer require parenting as such. I used to hate my dh having anything to do with bm as she was insanely jealous and caused a great deal of trouble for us and skids. She threatened to take the kids away and I was worried he might go back to her to stop him losing his kids, even though he made it clear to me he had no feelings for her, found her repulsive and didn't want to be anywhere near her. It took a long time for those fears to go away and now it doesn't bother me anymore. I know he doesn't enjoy having speaking to her and has as little contact as possible and I no longer feel threatened by her existence as I know I'm the love of dh's life and I've made him happy in a way she never did.

If your dh is allowing the bm to dictate and doesn't stand up to her, that's bound to add to your insecurity and resentment. This happened with my dh at first and it made me feel like crap. I told him that I wasn't putting up with being second fiddle and that he'd better stop acting like a doormat. He was defensive at first but gradually found his backbone and stood up for himself. She doesn't bother playing her nasty games anymore as she knows dh will not take her crap so it's pointless her even trying. You may have to do the same and tell him he either stops pandering to her or you're gone, and mean it. No one deserves to be second fiddle to a previous partner, kids or not, and if he's not willing to put his wife's feelings over his ex wife's demands, then you're facing a lifetime of resentment and misery.

What I did realise eventually was that my insecurity was because of issues in my own life. I went through many years of abuse and it left me with very low confidence and self esteem, and I feared that dh was too good for me because I felt inadequate and worthless. Looking back, I'm sure that was at the root of my insecurity about dh talking to his ex, even though my logical side knew he was ony doing it out of necessity and purely because of the kids. I ended up having a lot of counselling and dh was very supportive, and I started to notice that I'd stopped worrying about the things that used to bother me. I feel better knowing that bm is far more jealous of me than I ever was of her and that she's a loser with no job, no money, no man, living in a dump she hates and trying to copy us, like getting a dog because she knows we have one, baking and cooking with the skids because she knows I do. It's pathetic and funny at the same time, but as long as she keeps up her eowe and school holiday contact, we get our kid-free couple time so now I just see her as a convenient babysitter.

I think you need to start by working out what it is you're so worried about. Has your dh ever cheated or given you any reason to not trust him? Have you ever cheated on him? Have you, him or both of you had any previous bad experiences, ie abuse, trauma, cheating on or being cheated on by previous partners? Sometimes past experiences can have a more serious effect than you realise, so try to take a step back and look at what else might be going on. Also, think about how you're going to go through life if neither of you allow the other to talk to the opposite sex? What happens if one of you gets a job where there are lots of co-workers of the opposite sex? Or college, or anywhere at all where there might be lots of people you may have to speak to/have contact with? You will drive yourselves and each other crazy and that's not going to make a happy relationship. Have you thought about counselling? It sounds to me like you could do with one to one counselling to look at why you feel the way you do and also couple counselling to look at how you can overcome these insecurities and create a strong and happy relationship. I know you can't help feeling the way you do and that it's not easy to switch off the nagging doubts and insecurities, but you really need to think this through and get some professional help to try and find out what's behind it before your marriage suffers anymore.