Change of pace for me...this new school year is kicking my arse!

I don't know what it is but these boys in 5th grade think they are all that and a bag of doritos. I guess it's because they are top dogs in school, starting to handle hormone influxes and getting more assertive...but I really really am not liking my youngest now.

My oldest was that way last year and we butted heads/fought all the time, now he's started Middle and has been humbled, more mature-but now my youngest has turned into an ass lol.

EVERYTHING is a fight, power-struggle, arguing, fighting, yelling, him disobeying, defying, being all cocky, walking out, not listening...trying desperately to bring him down a few notches, seriously!!! We're mad at eachother for one reason or another a couple times of the day at least.

UGHHH I finally get a break from my oldest acting a fool and now turning into a nice young man-now little hellion is turning into this kid I hardly recognize or want to be around. And he was my sweet, affection, very flexible, never angry one....never any trouble. Now he's stubborn, annoying, defiant, disobedient. ANyways-just a vent because he's driving me crazy. I've given the ok for the bf to step up and say something when he's being disrespectful towards me or anyone in authority. I've taken away all computer/videogames for both during the school week also-but GOSH, I know it's phases but I love him dearly, just don't like him. I'm sure he feels that also.

THen, there's the exh...who has NO boundaries. It's always this way w/these kings of entitlement. They will leave you hanging on schedules/weekends/visitation till the last minute with bullshit lines, another control thing.

My exh-I STILL 7 years later will get occasional mail for him. THe last time he dealt w/immigrations (getting his citizenship)-he asked to use my address because he was moving-I said NO. What did I get in the mail?? YEP-his shit. I haven't had his last 3-4 addresses...I haven't been to the last two places he's lived. I've asked his address just for school purposes and activities-he forgets. We meet half way on Fridays because his place is far from mine now, however he comes to my place like he owns the mf'er.

I honsetly don't care to go to his house nor will--but the fact that he feels SO at liberty at MY house is upsetting. I don't know how to handle this diplomatically!!! I have not once showed unnanounced, dropped kids off, anything like this-ever...NOT him.

YET-he will walk into my house w/out knocking...will use my bathroom, ask for a cigarette, move aroudn like it's his house. ONe time, shit you not...my bf and I came back on Sunday evening-he ALWAYS gets back 30min-1hr before he's supposed to (control again)...the kids had found a way through back door into the house. We drive up, wonder where ex is...he's IN MY HOUSE-with a girlfriend or just female friend... I had NEVER in my life met IN my hallway in MY house. Talk about awkward.

I think the girl felt horrible and embarrased-I'm sure he pressured her to just come on in, it's fine...UNREAL!

I think we were to in shock to say anything that time, truly we were. They left and we jsut looked at eachother like, did that just happen???

Last wkdn at my sons bday-I didn't want him over. My kids tell him about the party, my parenst/brother feel bad because his family isn't in the country and say "just invite him". UGGG I don't want to-but don't speak up for myself like I should.

SO, he comes over, we were all seated except bf and I...he did NOT ASK where he could sit, but sat himself down in what would have been my bf's place....at one point he asked ME to get him a glass??? I did not get up until my brother had asked me for something then brought both items. My bf was FURIOUS but controlled himself because my parents and family were there-but he made me promise NEVER AGAIN will we have joint anything and I fully agree.

The ass goes around talking in another language to my parents/brother to make my BF feel out of place and be the center of attention in his normal narcissitic fashion. He wasn't there for the kids at all, barely interacted. My bf interacted most of the night with HIS sons....it's about control. 7 years later, he may not abuse me (I believe bf would ensure that never happens)...but still tries to "piss on me" and MY house that I've NEVER owned with him.

I need ideas ladies...how to deal w/the parents feeling bad for him or thinking it's ok to have these joint ideas....it's almost like he's still seen as the 'man of the house' in some odd fashion by the parents/brother when bf is the one in my life for the last 2 1/2yrs....the "father of the children' or "golden sperm donor" status seems to apply...all for the -say it together now- "the sake of the kids". UGHH

I'm ok with joint stuff in a different setting maybe-NOT in my house. Or if the exh had a gfriend and they came by for a quick hello and left. I'm not ok w/socializing w/him at the table hogging conversation away from my bf who is trying to get to know my parents more. I'm tired of being the doormat when it comes to people placating the narcissist ex because 'he's the dad'. It's not his place anymore!!! I need to grow a backbone about this no doubt!