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Step kids update.

Noway2b1's picture

All quiet for the most part. For now it seems DH has turned the corner with them. I say "for now" because I recognize old patterns of 30 years or so are hard to break.

OSS: After trying repeatedly to connect with OSS (45) DH tells me: 

"I sent oss a text and told him that IF he would like to connect to REACH out himself, that I'm getting weary of chasing him just to catch up" I'm sure this is all true, yet I'm sure it was also peppered with lots of loving supportive phrases such as "I know you are so busy saving the world and I'm just so proud of you, yada yada ......(now insert part DH told me) 

OSD (48), in town for 3 weeks DH got a very brief visit of about 45 minutes that was disrupted the entire time by OSS (45) acting like an 8 year old. DH seemed pleased with this crumb. 
 

YSS:(38) in a complete turn around from the last 8 years, where YSS usually stayed with us 4-6 months out of the year, seemingly reverting to age 16 in DHs mind, has been remarkably absent.  YSS while still occasionally attempting to guilt trip DH into helping him or YSD financially has been "busy" and unavailable to DH quite often.  This is likely due to several factors. He's finally at age 38 is fully supporting himself financially and this of course means, he's less motivated to visit with DH, Just no incentive to meet for lunch when you can buy your own?. DH is also trying really hard to pull our budget in so has removed high end dining from the menu, DH now will suggest the places HE would like to take them and pushes back against their finer dining choices. 
 

YSD (34)Still not working and still on the wait list for housing, she moved to the top months ago but it's been one thing after another on actually getting the housing. She needs a lot of handholding and I think after a year DH is burned out. 
 

For now, it seems like DH is setting some healthier boundaries with them all. It's only taken 8 years of me gently saying/reminding him "this isn't really normal or healthy, they should be navigating adulthood by now" for it to finally sink in. I think my son moving out and finally launching has also helped facilitate opening DHs eyes.. 

Comments

JRI's picture

Probably while your BS was still there, he thought "we" were still in parental mode.  Free at last!   I hope it continues.