Letter from Child Support Office & College Plans changing
We received a letter from the child support office recently. I called to confirm what it means. Basically my DH has paid his child support early enough times when BM needed extra money (always through CS office for the last several years at least) such that his child support will end a few months early. He has prepaid almost $3000 in child support in the last couple of years, so they will stop sending her payments about 2 months before SS17 turns 18.
I am sure BM has no idea this is happening. In her mind CS is paid every month to her, like a paycheck instead of seeing it like a debt my DH has been paying off early.
When this happens, she will absolutely lose her mind and her manipulative tactics will be out in full force, no doubt. My H says it will be a 9.5 on the BM-Richter scale because this will impact HER and her finances, whereas the battle over college costs (below) will be more like a 6. Since it only impacts SS17 she won't fight it as hard.
In addition, she has suddenly decided that SS17 must go to an expensive college next year. Where before he was being encouraged to go to community college and work part time while he matures some (because he needs to grow up quite a bit), now she's deemed that this college "is not really that expensive" ($24K a year) and "it would be so good for him to live on campus and be where his friends will be". She hasn't said a word about DH paying for it... YET. She's clearly laying the groundwork for trying to convince DH to do so though.
We live in a state where college costs are voluntary and nothing is in their CO past high school/age 18. My DH doesn't agree to this expensive school but hey, if she wants to pay for it, go right ahead. It's highly likely SS17 will flunk out. He's working at a fast food place now but doesn't know his own schedule, apparently BM handles that for him. His ability to keep up with projects and papers in college is definitely in question, since BM won't be there to do it for him.
Moreover, my DH has realized that for many years he has been nothing but a paycheck to BM and SS17. DH is ready to be done with all that. If SS17 wants DH's support, he's going to have to actually have a relationship with him. Once the CS order is done with, support financially is voluntary and earned at a minimum by basic respect and a simple level of relationship with his father.
They have lived very comfortably off my DH for the last 15 years of CS payments. It's time they both grow up.
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I would ask an attorney what
I would ask an attorney what legal measures BM could take to force DH to pay for college. If there is any legal grounds she can take to try and force it, I'd have your DH write up his counter-offer now.
Yes, BM is going to lose her mind. Stock up on wine/hard liquor now and be prepared to weather her temper-tantrum.
In our state, there are none.
In our state, there are none. If it was agreed in original divorce agreement, then the state will enforce it.
It wasn't discussed and it wasn't in the decree.
My father and stepfather are both attorneys and they've confirmed this. One is in family law and both actually went through it themselves as divorced dads. In our state, there's nothing she can do.
Excellent! Then all you need
Excellent! Then all you need is the booze now, lol.
There will be some ugly
There will be some ugly temper tantrums, no doubt. We will just have to put his phone on silent and remember: No is a complete sentence!
I don't understand the
I don't understand the entitled attitude towards having college paid for... If I wanted to go then I had to fund it, my parents had the money, but I wasn't "owed" that. So Guess what? I worked hard, got a scholarship, got a job, took out student loans and worked my hardest to finish a semester early so that was one less semester I'd have to pay for...
Good luck with this mess. And dealing with BM when her "paycheck" stops...
I totally agree with that. I
I totally agree with that. I did have my college paid for partially (some loans, scholarships, grants and working made up the difference on my part) but I was talking to my parents about it as a 9th grader to figure out the finances of it so I would be prepared and be able to apply where I could afford to go.
To switch plans in the middle of the senior year and expect my DH to pay is ridiculous. I know she is going to say "You won't be paying CS anymore, so that money can go towards college instead!" I also believe she is going to try to pull a fast one with financial aid, grants etc. Present my DH with a bill for the full tuition, leaving out the fact that SS17 gets Pell Grants and need-based or merit based aid. My DH says she did that to her own father when her father helped pay her college bills. That's one of the reasons he is saying "no way" to paying for college. He knows the games she plays.
DH also truly believes SS17 isn't ready for college. My DH went into the military and worked before he did college and he thinks his son needs to grow up first before he will be successful.
He never finished college and does not believe that his son will either. My H makes good money in a specialized field that doesn't require college but does require training. He thinks his son will be better off working a while and then getting into some kind of allied health field or something like that, just knowing his child.
I agree ProbablyAlready. My
I agree ProbablyAlready. My parents didn't pay for my college...or either of my brothers. They basically taught us to work for what we wanted. We all had jobs in HS and we learned to be responsible. Even though my brothers and I were poor little COD we still didn't get college paid for. My older brother still managed to get his degree all by himself. I had over 100 credit hours but when my mom remarried her income went up and took away my financial aid (even though I wasn't living at home). At that point though I was working full time and decided not to continue and rack up tons of debt for a low paying job (was working on a degree in social work).
Now of course my SO's ex had it put in the CO that SO has to pay $50 a month for SD's college (while I'm almost 100% sure BM contributes $0). This was how BM held SO in contempt of court and went back for child support at the same time. She set up the account for SD's college when they divorced but refused to give SO the account information and kept insisting that he give her his bank account information (HELL TO THE NO)! When she took him back for contempt he told the judge the same thing that he was more than willing to contribute the $50 a month but wasn't going to give BM his bank account information. Of course BM brought the college account information that day to court but all she could find was paperwork from when she set it up 5 years ago. No statements or anything. Why is SO required to pay SD's college but BM isn't required to pay it? At this time she was already claiming SD every year on taxes b/c that was part of the deal when they split. SO paid 1/2 of school expenses, bday parties, etc. and no child support and BM got to claim her every year. BM of course "won" the contempt case and CS which we expected and made a deal (with atty's & court - not verbal) that since he was now paying child support and entitled to claim SD every other year on taxes now BM would just claim SD the next 2 years and put that money in the college account to make up what he owed. The funny part about all this to me is that BM really thinks that she "won" here. However, BM had to pay for an atty to get this all started which I would guess probably cost her $1500 at least. SO got a court appointed atty b/c he makes WAY less than BM and was ordered to pay the least amount of child support (again b/c he makes WAY less than BM and he has another kid with me which they did factor in - SO's court appointed atty helped him with that part too even though he wasn't supposed to - he was only supposed to help with the contempt-college payment part but I think that the atty saw through BM's act immediately and felt bad for SO). But back to why I'm amused so she will basically make up her atty costs the first year of child support she receives and now SO gets to claim SD (next year) on taxes and BM will see what it is like to not get that child tax credit....
He should get some grant
He should get some grant money and some need-based aid, but there will still be about $15-$18K left to pay if he goes that route.
That's his choice.
My DH told me he'd be willing to pay half of any remaining balance of tuition after all grants and aid are taken into account of our *in-district community college rates* if he goes that route. She can pay the other half. Our community college is super cheap: $62/credit hour for all tuition and fees.
Truth is though, if he did community college I think it would be free or almost free to him based on Pell Grants and BM/custodial parent income. She hasn't worked for about half of 2017, so her income is quite low for the FAFSA. Still doesn't have a job yet.
Basically my DH has paid his
Basically my DH has paid his child support early enough times when BM needed extra money (always through CS office for the last several years at least) such that his child support will end a few months early.
Good for him for paying anything extra through the CS office. ALL men who are milked for extra money should do this. Then, it is their choice if they want to continue with support and it's their choice HOW they want to continue with support.
I am very curious to hear how BM responds when she figures this out (I assume she was sent a letter, also). She probably figured that the extra money was just a gift.
That is almost exactly what
That is almost exactly what the CS office lady said. That he is welcome to continue sending CS but he can do so how he wants and when he wants. She was very supportive.
I didn't ask if they sent BM a letter. We haven't heard anything from her about it and it took me about a month to follow up, so maybe they only sent it to us? Or she doesn't open her mail. That's possible too.
If she's like BM over here,
If she's like BM over here, you won't necessarily hear anything from her about it, directly, but she will eventually start some manipulation tactics. For BM over here, that included getting her daughter to lie her ass off to my husband. It didn't work, but it was exhausting. It's amazing what they will do (and convince their kids to do) for money.
Keep your guards up!
SS sounds like he's more cut
SS sounds like he's more cut out for a culinary program at the local tech school rather than an expensive college. BM likely just wants to get rid of him and have DH foot the bill.
Yep, some kind of tech
Yep, some kind of tech program would do him a lot more good than Art History 101 and The Rise and Fall of the Ottoman Empire 201.
His high school is a charter school where they do every class from a workbook. No projects, no essays. They just read the workbook, answer the questions at the end of each section, take a quiz and then at the end of 3-5 sections, they take a test.
It's not college level work.
Each time a skid has dropped
Each time a skid has dropped off CS, BM has pitched a fit, asked for longer...asked us to pay for extra stuff. You're right. No is a complete sentence.
Now we're down to YSD who will be 18 in May. Woo Hoo!!!
Here in NYS I think it's
Here in NYS I think it's impossible to pre-pay your CS to CSEU. They just view anything extra and in advance as a "gift" to the BM! But I could be wrong. Good luck to you with the CS dropping off. I WISH we lived in an "18" state and not a "21" state.
YSS will be turning 15 next week. OSS21 emancipated himself "by accident" at 19 by moving out of the Gir's house (the Girhippo didn't think we'd find out and thought she'd continue to collect through 21.)
SD19 is being forced into remedial high school courses via community college by the Girhippo so that CS can keep rolling along past age 21. The Gir quit her job as a CPS supervisor to be a waitress in a local casino (so as to artificially lower her income for "free" college)
Chef's income has dropped drastically as well. We would LOVE to get an emancipation for her by conduct as Chef hasn't seen hide nor hair of his kids in almost 10 years now.
Probably won't happen so Chef wants a grade stipulation in the CO so that the Girhippo won't have "learning disabled--other" SD19 drag out college until she's 30, all the while getting CS until then--which is her plan. Odds are SD will drop out before the first year anyway--she works part time at a local pizzeria.
Of course, SD did NOT agree to letting Chef know her grades (cue Captain Obvious).
We'd also like a downward mod for YSS as well. He most likely will NOT be going to college. He's skipping school to wild abandon right now (grade 9).
Congratulations on having a
Congratulations on having a DH who understands that money isn't going to give him the relationship he wants with his kid.