Resentful first time Mum
I have a 9 month old son with DH. I also have SD9. I have struggled with resenting SD because I feel like a lot of my first time Mum special moments have been taken away from me. I didn't want her in the photo's we got taken when my son was born, I hate calling her his sister, I just wish that I could have my special moments without SD being there all the time. She spoils it & is a horror of a child which makes it worse. If she were a likeable child I would feel completely different. I can't even see her as 'family'. I know that sounds awful but it's true. I feel she spoiled my wedding day by trying to make it all about her & as I haven't been married or had a child before I want to have these super special times as my own. These things cannot be redone & only happen once, I hate that SD has had to be a part of it & take some of it away from me.
Ofcorse she was included in the photo's with BS I don't want her to feel left out or like she isn't part of the family & I never let her know this is how I feel. That wouldn't be nice at all. I just fake it but inside I resent her being here (50/50).
Just having a vent.
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Sounds like reality is going
Sounds like reality is going down like a jagged pill.
That just about sums it up in
That just about sums it up in one sentence! :O
ENJOY those special moments!
ENJOY those special moments! Lay down the law is all I can say, I always reminded SD that I am BS' mommy and that she isnt going to hold him the whole time and I will be changing him and feeding him. BS is now 20 months and I have never had their pics done together and last xmas (BS' first), we had a family photo and SD was not in it, and I will continue that trend from here on out, shes not mine and I dont feel right having her be in the picture.
I even got to have BS's first xmas without her, she was with her own mother and then came over later and we did a separate gift thing. My first few nights at home with my new baby were stolen from me by her arriving early 'cause she just had to see her new baby brother' (according to FDH). After that I learned that I am in charge of my baby and what I say goes!!
I was thrilled that luck had
I was thrilled that luck had it that BS's first Xmas was without SD. She was with BM that year. BS was only 5 days old but it was still technically his first Xmas :-). Not so thrilled that our first wedding anniversary had to be spent with her though :-(.
I take plenty of my own photo's of BS by himself & have a great camera that has a timer & even better a remote button you can use (& we have a tripod) so I think I will take that suggestion & take some of myself & him. The ones I really didn't want her in were professional ones we got done when BS was 6 weeks old. I just wanted DH, BS & myself. SD isn't mine & I just wanted a family photo of MY son & husband. It felt really crap to have her in the photos & what made it worse is BM dropped her at the photographers & had taken her to a party & SD had glitter & colour all through her hair, bright blue eye shadow on, blush that someone with really bad taste would wear & lipstick. She was 8. She looked like a little tramp. I used that excuse not to purchase many with her in them. I was cringing at photos of her & BS, although I have to raise BS that SD is his sister it was just not fun to watch. SD doesn't even really care about BS unless someone is around & she can 'show off' with him. She is getting slightly better, it's not jealousy which I guess I should be thankful of, she just can't be bothered with him!
Anyway thanks I will make sure I set up my tripod & get clicking. Will get some with DH in them too :-).
I can understand that, but
I can understand that, but you also have to think of the other side; how would it feel if she wanted pictures of just her, her daddy, and her brother (without you)? I know, you didn't say anything and let her in the pics, but still good to think about that.
There is nothing wrong with getting one with everyone then one of the kids then one of JUST BS, or BS and you) and one of just SD (or SD and DH). That way, you do what you did to spare her feelings but also get a professional print of what you really want of BS without SD in the frame.
Yeah I completely agree with
Yeah I completely agree with what you say & I do TRY not to think of things like that I don't want her in the photos but it's kinda hard. To be completely honest I wouldnt mind at all if she wanted a photo without me! That's not the point though I know. It's a blended family & I guess I have to accept that though I can't help feeling a little resentful at times. I will always include her despite how I feel & would never make her feel like I don't want her.