FDH uptight when we have SSS
I have noticed lately that when we have ss's FDH seems to be incredibly uptight. Frustrated. Moody. Not necessarily with me, just in general. He is usually a very fun person to be around and when it's him and I and my bios he's rarely moody.
I realized that when I put my foot down and said I'm not gonna be the evil SM to these boys YOU need to be proactive about teaching them what behaviors are acceptable and which are not in our home.....that's when he started this moodiness.
Now for the most part I feel like I can talk to all the kids in a reasonable way about all Linda of things. I've always been a good communicator. I am no longer frustrated and angry and resentful.....but I don't want FDH to feel those things either.
How do I help or encourage him to continue doing what he's doing without jumping back into the same role I was in before where I patented all the kids on my own?
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I saw Linda after I posted
I saw Linda after I posted and was like aw damn. Lol. I totally agree that he has to be their parent and not their friend, which is why I put my foot down and said no more of this shit. I don't expect him to parent the way I do, however I do expect the rules to be the same for ALL the kids in this house. He's doing much better, but I know it does frustrate him that he has to be on his boys ALL THE TIME. The boys are getting better too, they are learning that daddy's house is not a free for all and there are rules. I know it's frustrating. My girls are 6 & 12 and although they are fairly well behaved it took a lot of consistency and me being on their shit for them to understand mom doesn't play and this is what's expected of you. We don't have the boys everyday so I do give them and FDH some slack when it comes to their behaviors because in the long run it's nothing that they ALL can't be educated about. I often "help" FDH in explaining how he can use moments of discipline as moments of education and instead of being moody and frustrated TALK to your boys about what's expected of them. How will they know if you don't TELL them?
I just wondered if anyone had any advice on the issue. I sure hope it does get better with time. But I see very clearly no matter how much a man tries or how good a father he is, he will never be a mother. Men just don't usually deal with kids the same way women do. FDH is a good father, I think he's just trying to figure out how to navigate the path of being the parent when we have the boys. Even though he a police officer he's not the authority in out home. Lol