BM says jump, he says "how high?"
Ok, someone please tell me if I'm overreacting or being selfish?
I'll start off by saying BM is a lazy c*nt. Anytime she can get out of doing anything for SS, she will. SS has basketball practice twice a week and games on the weekends. We have SS on all weekends, and BM has him during the week. She lives about 20 miles away from us. I swear, once a week, she will ask DH if he can take SS home from practice (due to whatever excuse she can pick out of her ass). He used to grumble about it to me, but then end up doing it. So I used to be disengaged, but this started to bug me, because I feel like he's jumping at her command. DH will go on to say that it's not for her, but for SS, because BM said that if DH doesn't take SS home from practice, he isn't going to make it to practice at all. Also with paying for braces...DH asked if she can help pay (it says 50/50 in the papers!!!) and her response? "No, I can't, I'm sorry...I guess he just won't get braces." <--Really?? She knows exactly what buttons to push to get DH to rollover. so he will end up paying for all of it. She does this CONSTANTLY. I guess the part I'm pissed about is that I feel he doesn't do half the things he does for her, for me. Once I asked him to pick up food for our family, and he gave the longest sigh and didn't want to, yet he's driving SS all over town because BM can't. If he did half the things I ask him to do, I wouldn't be so annoyed. At this point i feel like he treats his Ex better than me.
So someone talk some sense into me....Do you guys see this as it's for SS? If yes, I'll really try to let go, because I'm all for it if it were really for SS....OR does it look like he's doing it for BM?
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In his mind, he might feel
In his mind, he might feel like it's for SS or he may just be saying that to you to justify it to you. Either way, it's manipulation.
If his son doesn't get to practice because of BM, that is on BM and that's where your DH needs to leave it.
When I started dating DH, he flat out told me that he wouldn't let BM use their daughter to manipulate him and he didn't. BM tested it and found out it wasn't going to work. As much as DH loves his daughter, he was not going to be BM's bitch.
Your DH has let himself be put in the position where BM knows he will do whatever and pay whatever, because "it's for his son". She's got him under her thumb in that respect, and it won't be easy or comfortable for him to wriggle out from under it.
Agree. DH was like this was
Agree.
DH was like this was BM because it was "for the kids". However this would then make her unaccountable for what she was supposed to be doing on her parenting time. Or paying her bills.
DH started holding BM accountable when I basically showed him how he was getting f'ed and that is when shit hit the fan and it actually strengthened the skids relationship with BM and made DH (and me) out to be the bad guy.
I've told this story a
I've told this story a million times here.... so sorry to bore those who have heard it already but when I was dating DH he would do this shit with BM2. Whenever she asked DH to pick up SS or watch SS or anything, DH would jump. I get it, it's his kid, why have the kid go to a sitter or some trashbag BM friend when he could go with DH right?
Well I finally drew the line when one day DH and I had a golf date. I had actually taken a 1/2 day off from work so we could do this. Before I left work, DH calls and tell me that he's going to have to postpone our golf date because BM2 just called and she and her boyfriend and his two kids and SS were stranded in BM2's car over an hour away and she called asking if DH could come and pick them up...... and he was going to do it!!!!! I was like WTF? It is obvious to me that I am always going to fall second in line to this woman and I refuse to continue a relationship with someone who treats me like this. DH tried to justify saying things like "well, I'm only doing it because SS is stranded there" I told him by that principal, he could really justify ANYTHING as being "for SS". So if BM wants you to wipe her ass, you should do it, because you wouldn't want SS to have a mom with a smelly ass right???? And there is NO ONE else that BM or her boyfriend could call to come get them???? No mother, father, sister, aunt, uncle friend etc? When I hung up the phone with him, I truly believed we were done, because he was planning on going to get her.
DH called me about 30 minutes later and asked where I was and could I meet him at the golf course. I asked what happened with him giving BM a ride?? He said he thought about it and I was right, that he WAS being her little lackey and justifying it by using SS and also that he had called her to let her know that he had contacted a police buddy of his who worked in the County where she was stranded to stop by and make sure they were OK... and rather than her thanking him, she lit into him and demanded to know how long it was going to be before he got there and DH told her to fuck herself. And guess what??????? She was able to find SOMEONE ELSE to come and get them! Imagine that!!???
And that my friends is the day that DH grew a set and stopped the madness!
Good stuff. I'm glad your
Good stuff. I'm glad your husband saw the light! But it's because you are a strong woman who isn't going to put up with that!
Haha this reminds me of BM1 +
Haha this reminds me of BM1 + boyfriend + SS26 getting stranded and calling DH... They were at least 2 hours away and DH is only being manipulated by BM2 these days, so he said "no"!!!
... They actually said, "that's ok, we can play the ***** card" - this (*****) is her daughter by another poor fool who has to run around after her. He atually came out.
If the manipulation works then the behaviour is rewarded....!
I don't think you are being
I don't think you are being selfish or overreacting. No advice here other then to warn you to be careful about how it's approached. BM did this to DH for who knows how long before me and probably the first year that I was with DH. Eventually he put his foot down but now he gets the same texts just from skids instead. Now it does seem like he is doing it for them when BM is likely orchestrating that.
I say this all the time,
I say this all the time, people (especially men) go with the path of least resistance. Right now you're the past of least resistance. If he does what BM wants you'll be disappointed but that's a lot easier to deal with than BM's wrath. This whole you can jump for BM or SS, which ever way he want to reason it, but not help me thing would be a problem for me as well.
I'll be damned if I get screwed over because I am least resistant. BMs can make life difficult or be rather annoying but I'll make life miserable. He can't just hang up the phone to not deal with me, we live together. I believe in Happy Wife (spouse) Happy Life. I try to be reasonable but after one to many buttons get pushed I have to remind SO who he's dealing with.
I think this is so true. I'm
I think this is so true. I'm the path of least resistance cuz really, I don't have the time and energy BM has to spew all the s* that she does. Note to self, try to be more of a b* LOL
I had the same issues. It's
I had the same issues. It's always for the kids and not to make any waves or bm could take us back to court. It never ends with these men. Bm calls or texts and my ex was on it because it's for the kids. Every single time. Literally anything can become "for the kids". I was always the one who was thought of second after the ex. Which was not how I could live.
I reminded DH that it's not
I reminded DH that it's not for the kids. It's so that the kids don't hate you.
If your kids hate you because you don't jump every time they or their mother beckons, then they don't really love you.
I pointed out that he didn't stop talking to his parents if they couldn't do something for him right away. He didn't scream obscenities at me if I told him no or was busy with something else.
Why was it okay for BM or the skids to do it to him?
He started telling BM and the skids no.
SD(19 at the time) did tell him that she hated him once and he lost it on her. He told her that if all he was to her was a wallet and a ride then she could hate him. He said he loved her, even when she was a brat, even when she was demanding, even when she hated him.
That he would be waiting for her to call and apologize but he wouldn't be calling her anytime soon.
She called after a week or two, they met and had a good cry. He told her that if she ever needed anything she had to call him, not go through BM.
typical BM bitch
typical BM bitch behavior...
now if the CO states 50/50.... DH should simply pay his 50% for the braces and they can bill BM the other 50%...
Or DH should start keeping record of things BM refuses to pay her 50% for and go back to court..
DH jumping when BM demands, you can stop this Hon, if DH wants something from you, smile and say Ask BM... your wife.. cause you do more for her then for this family, if DH plays the card but it's for SS, ask him if he's the only parent SS has, did he impregnate himself and brought the child into this world all alone, nope then the other parent should start helping..
BM refuse to take SS to sports, he's left out of the team - explain to him why, tell him blame your mother...
I will not keep my mouth shut about this, BM is ruling your house and still dictating DH what to do, WTF did they get a divorce then.. when my SO acted like this, I asked him that question... he stopped cause he never thought like it before, men have no common sense