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Can't BM understand the pain she inflicts?

nicolespassion's picture

Submitted by nicolespassion on Thu, 12/17/2009 - 10:55pm

I'm an adult, so I can handle myself with BM. I don't think I was asking much of her...didn't need to be her best friend or even a friend. But can't we at least get along for the kids sake? She only see's her 2 boys 6 hours out of a month. 6 hours! And she still manages to make their lives so miserable that they are dipressed and have so much anxiety they get headaches and stomach aches. No matter how often we take them to counseling this won't stop until she does (or isn't in their lives). They are 7 and 8 years old. And have had to deal with so much from her. And she is so selfish, she can't even see what she does to them. It breaks my heart and I cry for them so much. They are so angry with her and the choices she has made in life and can't figure out why she won't pick them over all her other choices. BF and I can't take that away from them. As much as we want too, it won't go away.

Please send a prayer out that my two SS's can work through their pain about their BM. That they will open up and be able to release the pain ther are feeling.
Oh and some prayers for BF and myself too please. With all the court proceedings and the anguish we help the boys through it really takes a toll on us as well. Sometimes I forget that I am human and am aloud to break too. Just need to keep it together in front of the boys and then break when they are in bed asleep or at school.

Comments

Milomom's picture

Submitted by Milomom on Thu, 12/17/2009 - 11:52pm

Miss Nicole - My advice is (not to be blunt): DON'T WASTE ANOTHER MINUTE or energy with the mantra "can't we all just get along??". You're dealing with someone who cannot even grasp the concept of normalcy - if she's treating her own CHILDREN this way, she could give a "hoot" about co-existing or co-parenting with you in any type of normally functioning way. Concentrate your time, energy & heart to doing what you already seem to be doing...being a good, loving, ethical person. I will pray for you - prayer gives me a lot of strength during the difficult times. I've also found that when I actually go to church (and I'm not the "super religious" type or anything, just a regular gal), it gives me a wonderful perspective and allows me to step back & see the "big picture". Best wishes to you - and read my post that I put up right after yours - hopefully it will give you some motivation. Either way, I wish you peace this holiday season. You will make it through this - "and this too shall pass", it just takes an inordinate amount of patience, love and...well, a lot more patience. HUGS TO YOU!!

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Fri, 12/18/2009 - 8:29am

We go through the same thing with SS9. Screw BM. You don't need to be her friend and you don't have to be civil with her. It took me a long time to realize that myself.

BM can't see the pain she inflicts because she is too selfish. I know this first hand.

Your ss's are lucky to have you in their life. I hope your ss's can one day work through this. I hope you and your family have a great holiday.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus