This is LONG!
I am so new to this the ink on my marriage license is still wet! I need advice and I need it in a bad way. First off let me tell you about me. I am a BM and a Step Mom (I dont know all the abrvs yet!). My son lives with us and we get SS5 every other weekend. I get along just fine with my ex and his wife. We have no problems at all. However the BM is horrible. I MEAN HORRIBLE. The stories that I have read on here are similar. I am not allowed to take the child or pick up the child. I am not alowed to watch the child if the BM and my husband are at work, etc. The BM made it plain and clear that I am to have nothing to do with the child. She told him I am not his family and I never will be. She also told him that he was not allowed to hug me. HE IS 5!
When we get him she calls him every morning and every night. Hubby said that she only needs to call him ONE time a day and that was plenty. She freaked out. We went out of town and we didnt answer the cell phone for the whole weekend. She called the police and had them call us to make sure that "CHILD" was ok. After this incident she went and purchased the child a cell phone. AGAIN HE IS 5!! When we were heading out to take SS home, hubby asked me to write a note telling her that he was not allowed to bring the cell phone with him. It stated "our child" in the letter. She sent an email to us (we changed cell phone numbers so she cant harass him anymore) stating that I was saying that ss was MY child and that she was the one that gave birth to him....blah blah blah.
She called this past weekend and I was getting ss dressed. He asked if He could put her on speaker phone I said that he could and he asked me if he was going to push the right button. I said that he was. She then hung up on him. Sent an email later saying " I did NOT hang up on "Child". Step mom instructed him to get off of the phone (after 3 minutes on the phone with me) and get dressed. The phone call abrubtly ended without CHILD and I being able to tell each other that we loved each other. This bothered me today. I heard step mom tell child to push the button to hang up." Like I said. It never happed this way. My hubby sides with me. Always has. He hates her.
So now we are in a custody battle. We go to court this summer to try and take ss away from his mom. She will not let us have him. We have to call police to get him most of the time and she kept him from us on Christmas when it was our christmas. She wanted my hubby to go over there and open presents with her and ss. When that didnt fly she told hubby that she was going to tell ss that "daddy didnt want to see him this Christmas". Then she told hubby that he didnt need ss anymore because he now had MY son. BULLS*IT! She is now in contempt of court for not letting us have him while she works....as stated in decree.
So here is my issue. I have a myspace with my hubby. We use it to keep our close friends and family in touch. Well you know the surveys that go around? I do them all the time to waste time. Well BM pretended to be one of my hubbys old co-workers and we added her thinking it was an old buddy of his. She got all the surveys that I did. TRUST me I was not nice in them. When they asked ex questions... I said some mean things about her. Now she said that she is going to use them in court and said "Slander is against the law". Well first of all it would not be slander. Slander is SPOKEN. LIBEL is written and you have to PROVE that it was not an opinion. I never once used her name. I just wonder if this could hurt us in court. They have been to court once before and our attorney said that after that case we had enough to take away custody based on her actions alone.
You all have been thru this alot longer then me and any info will help.
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Comments
Holy cow
Wow new step mommy!
That BM is really insecure! She's just afraid that you will take her place as his mom, which of course you will never do because she is the mom and you are the stepmom. But logic like that will never stop her insecurity. The way she sees it, you took her place as your husbands wife, you might also take the place of your stepson's mom.
Unfortunately she doesn't realize how harmful it is for the poor little kid. My husband's ex tried that crap (saying "daddy doesn't want to be with you" to the kids, when obviously daddy didn't want to be with HER). It's a way of trying to push the hurt - straight onto the poor kids! Very immature and damaging.
At least you have a good relationship with your own ex, so your son won't be damaged like that.
Just try to keep to the moral high road. Quit with the myspace surveys or whatever.
Good luck
Nellie
Thanks
Thanks to both of you. I need the support right now. Its CRAZY. My hubby says that bipolar runs in her family (sister, mom). So.....if the shoe fits...lol. She has been on suicide watch 2 times and has been admited in to a place for Mentally unstable people. SO I hope that we win. I will keep updated on this site. It might be my only way to vent.
First, welcome to the wonderful world of
evil BM's and stepmommydom. It's lovely here, just ask anyone.
First of all, the myspace thing cannot be used against you because she deceived you to get the info. You had an expectation of privacy that was breeched. Make sure you have a good attorney. My skids BM is bipolar and it cost her custody. Make sure your attorney requests her medical records and if she refuses, request a mental evaluation from a reputable therapist, psychiatrist. Document, Document, Document. Also, I have been reading a lot about Parental Alienation Syndrome, or PAS. Check into it and make your attorney learn about it. It is child abuse, & is hard to prove, but with her making you get the police involved for visitation it should be easy to prove. I learned to also spell everything out it every decree we have. I mean spell it out so a child could understand it, be VERY specific. Be specific about phone calls, times, etc. I learned the hard way. I feel for you, you have a hard road ahead! You are lucky, I didn't find this site until recently. I have been a SM for 11 years. Boy, what I wouldn't have given to have this resource then! Good luck and do keep us updated!
Welcome...
It's unfortunate that we have to look for help to deal with these BM's, but it is fortunate for us because we gain many valuable friendships through this site & helpful information.
You are in for a nasty battle with hubby's ex, something that will not go away easily (or ever) I am afraid. Keep your chin up and do not stoop to her level...you are a much better person then that. If she cares to be angry all the time because she is unable to get over the past, so be it. Make your life as happy as possible and avoid her at all costs. If she emails about something to do with SS, then answer, if it is just to slam either one of you, ignore her. As far as the cell phone she bought for ss, I would turn it off and put it away every weekend he is there. Let him take it home when he goes back. We went through the same thing here. BM was not happy but what rules we have in our house, she has no control over. If she gets upset, so be it. Tell her you will have ss call her at bedtime nightly (if that works for you) so that SHE is not calling your house, then avoid all of her calls when he is there. Putting strict boundaries in place is the key.
You can wish her away...and believe me, I have tried that..but it doesn't work so well!
LOL
As far as the myspace thing, I wouldn't worry about it. They could care less about this kind of stuff in family court, I just wouldn't continue with it. Come here and vent, we all do!!
Corie
Listen to all the advise your getting, its well learned.
Lovers do not finally meet somewhere, they were with each other all along.
Robinson is correct in that anything you said on myspace cannot be used agiants you as it was obtained through dishonest means, furthermore,the info gained was not sent to the bm or anyone she communicates with directly thus it is not a case of libel.As for the P.A.S. games the bm is playing, welcome aboard. This is an unfortunate tactic used by many ex's, and truly the only one that is harmed by it are the children. The best thing you can do is document, document, document...My dh is also in the process of taking his ex back to court to obtain full custody of ss. We have over 2 years of bm withholding visitations, 3 years of letters , e-mails and text messages that all show clearly the bm has not had ss best interest at heart, but that her personal issues have taken precedence. We have had to file harrassment charges, stalking charges, change phone numbers, certified letter after letter requesting bm not text us, not call us unless regarding ss and his school, health or visitations. Boundaries have to be established and we have to stand guard over those boundaries continuously to insure the bm does not cross them ever. Good Luck, stay strong, you have found a wonderful place to vent and get good educated advice.