Any funny stories to cheer me up

With all that I've been going threw all I can think about is DH and why he couldn't have just talked to me. Why he couldn't just love me and why he felt the need to sign up for a dating website did he think of me at all did he care if he hurt me does he still love me? I can't keep thinking and crying. Does anyone have any funny stories? even a joke something. I just need to laugh to keep from crying.

Here I will share some funny stories. My dad was laughing to tears when I told him about the time I fell asleep In the rocking chair with baby and was awakened to the smell of SS5's finger under my nose. The finger he picked his butt with so I woke up to a wafting smell of SS booty.

Once when I was a teenager my dad caught me outside talking with a group of friends wearing pants I had cut into short shorts. He walked up to me and stood behind me. I didn't even know he was there until he startled me shouting " newbie get your ass in the house and put some clothes on, I outta whip your behind walking around lookin like street trash". I was so embarrassed I stumbled up the stairs and tripped and to make it worse my dad told all my friends especially the boys that he is getting the shot gun if they don't clear from his property in the next ten seconds. I was so mad back then but now its funny to look back on.

I really hope I get responses because I need a good laugh so badly.

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Last night I was recording SS

Last night I was recording SS without him knowing... he was playing a baseball game on his phone and he was SOOOOO in to it. Yelling at the animated umpire, getting frustrated with his team. After about 20 seconds he rips the LOUDEST FART and just starts giggling like a little girl. It was so stinkin funny. (literally stinkin) after about 5 minutes I called him over and asked him to watch "this video" with me. He didn't think anything of it because we watch "vine" together a lot. He plops on the couch... I start the video and he about died laughing... until I told him that I posted it on Instagram HAHAHAHAHA. I didn't... but it was funny to see his face when he thought I was serious.

In high school I was walking

In high school I was walking down the hall wearing a new shirtwaist dress. I noticed a lot of guys looking at me. Being 17 and full of myself I remember thinking - wow I must really look good today.

About 10 minutes later after parading up and down to catch all those "admiring looks" I noticed that my dress was unbuttoned from the waist down.

LMAO that one go to me!

LMAO that one go to me! Hilarious

LMAO I love you guys.

LMAO I love you guys. Nodoormat you have me in tears lol.

When I was six we had some

When I was six we had some free time in class so I decided to write my mother a nice card. I folded a piece if manilla paper in half and on the front I wrote stuff like "Dear Mommy, I love you", etc... and had lots of hearts and flowers all over the front. Then I got bored with that. So inside I started to practice writing all the curse words I could. I totally forgot about it.

A few days later my mom was sitting on the edge of my bed going through my backpack. She pulls out this "card" and was so happy-- looking all touched and smiling from ear to ear. Then she opened it and her jaw hit the floor and she just looked at me like "What the hell???" I will never forget the look on her face. It still cracks me up. Poor mom.

Oh here's another one. Once

Oh here's another one. Once when SS5 was 3 I had to take him with me on the public bus because my car was in the shop and we needed toilet paper. The guy sitting in front of us was letting out the most fowl smelling farts. SS5 leans over the seat and says to the guy " EWW say excuse me". I told SS to sit down and apologize to the guy I was trying my best to hold in my laugh. Then SS tried whispering to me but he was really loud lol and he goes " I think he pooped his pants it smells nasty in here". As soon as we stepped off the boss I was dying of laughter and SS was happy o smell fresh air lol.

DD(now11) and I lived in TX

DD(now11) and I lived in TX until she was seven. When she was about 4, we visited my aunt and uncle in AR, and she naturally feel asleep during the drive. When she woke up, we were driving down hwy 16 in AR - a very lush, thickly forested area. She wakes up and looks around like we're on an alien planet and says, "What jungle is *this*?" I still tease her about it.

When my son was 4, he was

When my son was 4, he was asked to be the ring bearer in a friend's wedding. He was best friends with the bride's daughter who was the flower girl. One day I took him to the tux shop to be fitted for his wedding attire. He looked so confused when they brought out the tux. He looked at me sadly and said "Where is the bear suit?" Apparently, for months he'd been very excited at the idea of being the "Ring Bear" in the wedding.

I'm sorry to hear that your

I'm sorry to hear that your hubby is treating you badly. Personally, I would take all that pain and use it to dump him and start a better life for yourself. He really is just thinking about himself and that is no way for you to live. Decent respectable men do not do that or would even want to.

A couple of days ago, I was driving to my physiologist appointment and there was a car tailgating me...I dropped my speed down, turned on the radio, and a song just started. It was "Call Me Maybe" just the song I needed and I start singing and dancing to it as I had it cranked all the way up. We entered town and the second lane opened up but this guy driver behind me was pissed off. He flew in the other lane and was glaring at me. The song was still playing so I signed language "Call Me Maybe" with the biggest smile on my face knowing I pissed off a tailgater. He then flew past me and I'm giggling thinking that he probably needed the counseling far more then I did. LMAO and people are always in such a rush I just shake my head usually.. Think I need to get a bumper sticker saying "your rush is not my rush" since I have enough sense to leave early enough I don't have to speed and cause car accidents or have a bad driving record.

Big (((HUGS))) to you and please look out for yourself, he sure isn't.

I worked at a fast food

I worked at a fast food restaurant in High School and the guys that I worked with were pranksters. We had a shelf where we all left personal items while we were working- purses, keys, etc. The guys liked to "borrow" my car keys and park my car in different spots usually out of vision from where I had parked it. So I thought I'd be smart and keep my keys on me after 2 or 3 times of them doing this.

That didn't stop them, apparently 4 or 5 guys can pick up a 2dr Ford Festiva and move it across the parking lot!

My FDH used to find it funny

My FDH used to find it funny to change my ringtone to dirty songs. I didn't mind until the day I was in a meeting with my boss and a VP at my company and I realized he had struck again when Lil Wayne's voice started singing......
I wanna lick lick lick you like a lollipop, a lollipop.
I about died, grabbed my phone and silenced it as fast as I could, then looked fearfully up at my boss, who said with a perfectly straight face "I sure hope that was FDH's name!"
Was NOT funny at the time, but it is now!