I feel just awful
My SS (nearly 12) has been a challenge for years. He was HCBM's perfect golden child until last year, so enmeshed that I was scared of him. SS16 moved in with us and HCBM got herself romantically involved with a couple down the street that has three kids of their own, and SS has truly become another of BM's casualties.
It came to a head last month when he threatened to hurt one of the kids of the married couple BM is involved with. When BM started screaming at him, SS said something along the lines that he wished he was dead so he didn't have to deal with this sh*t. She decided that he was suicidal, based on that, and had him committed for a week to an in-patient mental health facility and then to a partial inpatient program, where he has sit from 8 AM to 4 PM M-F for more than 6 weeks now. (They discharged him to our house from the in-patient program, but he's had to attend the partial program from our house, as well.)
He was here for the first time in 2 weeks over the weekend, and he's a mess. He's so scared to say anything at his mother's house that all he does is stay on electronics when he's not at the program. He's concerned that if he says or does the wrong thing, she'll institutionalize him again, and it was terrible there.
DH alerted the staff at the program about the situation as he dropped him off this morning, but I just feel awful for the situation this kid is in. The emotional abuse he's enduring is so awful and I feel so bad for him (and for DH) that he has to endure this, but we have no choice but to return him to his mother.
And of course, there's no reasoning with HCBM, so our best option, at this point, is to file for a custody change, which will likely take years and thousands of dollars in legal fees (again). Oh, and the reward for all that is another Skid here more! SS16 is such a miserable addition to our life on a full-time basis already! He's currently refusing to see his mother, so literally, he's here 100% with no hope of anything different. And when I say 100%, I mean it because he has no life or friends. He does have a job that we have to schlep him to, but I suppose I should be grateful for that...
I'm really just venting, but I do feel terrible for SS nearly 12. And sorry for myself... LOL
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Not sure if you've been
Not sure if you've been paying attention, but this is very similar to what has happened with YSS, except ET just left the broken kid she created on our doorstep to fix. I am thankful that she at least saw reason and did that, but I am so f**king angry at her for dropping a suicidal YSS on us to deal with and then not asking anything about his therapy. She also hasn't changed how she acts with him, either, so he hates seeing her. Honestly, as much as I like having kid-free weekends, I'd be willing to have him live here every weekend and just see her sometimes if it meant he'd be able to launch successfully in 3-5 years.
I'm sorry you're all going through this. If you do have to go to court, hopefully the judge makes the right decision swiftly.
Oof--I don't blame you for being angry!
I had read your blogs, but only partially connected the dots before. I'm so sorry you're dealing with the same flavor of BS.
We're fortunate that SS never had a suicide plan. He just wanted out of those interactions with BM and is so tired of her ignoring how he feels that he said whatever he could to get her to leave him alone in the moment. She doesn't give a flying fig about either of her kids, and it's just disgusting.
I'm in the same boat of I'd rather have the skids here and give them a chance at launching, even if I'm not thrilled about it. LOL She broke the kids, why do I have to fix them up?!
We will unquestionably end back up in court, at this point. We spent two years trying to get primary custody (that is now 100%) of SS16. That just finished last August after 2.5 years, 2 years of which was in court proceedings, including 8 months after SS was heard by the judge against the recommendation of the GAL (Who trashed DH in a 9 page declaration, accusing him outright of coaching the skids after meeting with him for less than 30 minutes and with the skids for about the same.)