More and more frustrated
I've been reading these blogs for months. There's a lot of good info on here. I was glad to know that I wasn't the only one. Here's my situation. I've been with my fiance over a year. We are getting married in June. Things have been rough between he and I. He lost his job last year and I've pretty much been paying for things although his unemployment has helped too. We have our beefs, but we usually work them out. The problem is his 9 year old daughter. She really aggravates me. She's super hyper, needy, and overindulgent. Not to mention the fact that she still wets the bed almost every night. He treats her like a queen and it ticks me off! She can do no wrong in his eyes and he spoils her rotten. Anything she wants age gets. She's a good kid in school and fairly mannerable, but he goes overboard. He tries to compensate for her mom being a lowlife and neglects her. When she comes over, I usually go in the room, isolate myself, or leave. Shes beginning to notice my dislike for her and usually cries and asks her dad why I don't like her or why I dont talk to her. It hurts me to see a child hurt and hurts even more to see her dad hurt. What do I do? I don't have any kids of my own and teach teenagers for a living. He says that I'm selfish and childish and doesn't understand what's it like to be a parent. Maybe so, but I'm starting to cringe at the sight of her and hates when she comes over.
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Believe me I know. When my dh
Believe me I know. When my dh and I got together we did not have the kids full time. My kids are grown and I was not use to having kids around.it is a hard ting to deal with. You need to sit down and have. A heart. To heart with your soon to be husband explain how you are feeling before you get married to this man. Because frankly his child is going to be in your lives. Like it or not. Tell him you need to get to know her and you and her both need time to adjust to each other. Try spending an hour or two with her on her level. But set boundries like I will play for an hour but then you need to play in your room quietly for an hour. Here is antherone one that worked for me. After dinner we will play untill 9 but at 9 you have to go in your room and get ready for bed because that is mind and daddys time. My sks are 13 and 14. And they are in there rooms at 9 pm everynight they can read or what ever untill ten but after 9 is my time with dad and they know itnow I don't even have to tell them. Please don't take my comments as being hash I just know what I heve been threw and am still going threw with my sks and you need to have an understandingg before you get married.
I WAS IN YOUR SAME POSITION
I WAS IN YOUR SAME POSITION AND IT WAS HELL! My boyfriend has a 4 year old and she can be bad as hell. But when she was with us he would let her get away with EVERYTHING and I felt like I was put on the back burner. When she was there I would just sit in our bedroom and watch tv or sit on the computer with very little interaction. I'm madly in love with my boyfriend so I decided that something needed to change. The key is building your own relationship with your soon to be SD. Try simply thing like going to the park or getting icecream. As your relationship grows between the two of you it will be a lot easier when your around your fiancee and her as well. Soon you will begin to love having her around, and dread every second that she is gone. If you can't build a relationship with his daughter then you need to end things. His daughter will always be number one, and you come after that. But if you can make the effort and eventually really appreciate the three of you as a family, you will truly be happy. Good luck and keep us posted!!
Wedding is 11 days away.
Wedding is 11 days away. Things are somewhat better, but still not perfect. She still aggravates me, but he's gotten a lot better with overcompensating. She seems to be maturing slightly. Still wets the bed and whines like a 2year old.