At My Wits End
I have been married for 2 years. My husband has one son with his ex-wife. His son is supposed to be spending the summer with us, but his ex-wife has decided she wants to see him. I don't have a problem with her seeing him, but she is going overboard. She wanted to pick him up from school on yesterday and I was fine with that. HOwever, my husband told her that he needed to be at church by 6 for Youth Day practice. She started calling around 5 saying his stomach was hurting. Needless to say she didn't bring him. She brought him to school this morning, where I work, ( and yes he's in my 1st grade summer class enrichment) and told the secretary that she would be picking him up this afternoon. I called my husband to see what she was talking about and he simply said, "Well that's not what's supposed to happen, but I don't know what her plans are." I am his wife, but I feel as if I have no true say so in what happens when it comes to him. My husband knows his wife is "not the most reasonable person" but he continues to allow her to do these things. He lets her do them then says, "Well it'll all work out in the end." During the summer, his son spends the entire day with me and I don't think he takes into account how I truly feel. I feel like I'm caught in the middle with no where else to go. What am I supposed to do? Am I over re-acting? Help!!!!!!! I need advice and a little guidance.
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No your not overreacting!
No your not overreacting! What does the CO from the divorce say regarding who gets the boy and when? Whatever that says is what you should tell your husband he should do...exactly as it says. If his ex has a problem with it she can consult a lawyer.
We are supposed to have him
We are supposed to have him for three weeks, then he goes home for one week. He comes back to us for the last three weeks. He is supposed to be with us right now, but she came up to see him (from another state). He knows he should be following the CO, but he constantly says, "Well, what if I want to see him and its not my time?" No matter how many allowances he makes for her, she will never do it for him, but he always wants to give her the benefit of the doubt! What else can I do????? I'm so frustrated.....
Your gonna have to lay it on
Your gonna have to lay it on the line. Right now he is afraid of upsetting ex. He SHOULD be afraid of upsetting you.
"Either you get your ex under control and you follow the court order exactly or I am leaving!". Say it, mean it, and if he thinks your bluffing leave. Do NOT come back until he has taken care of the problem.
It's hard, its really really hard, but its the ONLY way to snap your DH out of it.
I needed to hear that!!!! I
I needed to hear that!!!! I am truly upset. When I married him, I knew I was going to have to deal with this. However, I didn't think it was going to be this way.
I had to do it with my DH
I had to do it with my DH when we got together. He saw SD5 (then 1) usually twice a week for a cpl hours a day....but it wasnt concrete...and she was 1...and she slept through most of it...so he basically went and hung out with EX for a cpl of hours. :sick:
Then he saw SD14 (then 9) so rarely because he refused to deal with her BM at all...that he really only saw her when she was at EX's visiting her baby sister. Literally a cpl times a year. Ridiculous. Paying CS for both of them.
I had to do what I said above....get your crap together or we as a couple are not happening.
We now get the girls on a regular schedule with pickup and drop off times...and its pretty much like clock work.
It can be done. Good luck!
Thanks!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks!!!!!!!!!!
The more he allows the BM to
The more he allows the BM to "play" with the schedule and make changes, the more he sends his SON a message:
Mommy rules and daddy drools.
Is this what he wants to teach his son?
Stick to the letter of the paperwork in place. Take it from me. The biodad I live with allowed the BM to do whatever she wanted with the "non-schedule"
I've heard ALL the MYTHS:
1. "I'm taking the high road" (no mention of me and he took the "high road" right off the edge of a cliff where the BM stomped him into oblivion with her cleated army boots)
2. "I don't want a set schedule b/c I don't want the children to think that they can't drop in at anytime" (um, children NEED, no, CRAVE structure; without it they become FERAL as all three of his did)
3. "If I let the BM do what she wants, she'll play fair/reciprocate"
(HELL no! This just emboldens the already bold as brass BM to push the envelope further and slowly push dad out of the kids lives)
Put your foot down NOW! Or you will live to regret it (like I am)
The Ex-wife just came and
The Ex-wife just came and checked him out of school. I called my husband to see what was going on and he told me, " I was busy at didn't get a chance to call." I'm so tired of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sitting at my desk in tears right now. I don't know what else to do.
If he's supposed to be with
If he's supposed to be with your DH for the summer, that's where he needs to be. BM will get used to having the freedom to take him as she pleases. If she does it often, it could be enough to have the court order changed in her favor. If your DH isn't taking advantage of his ordered time with his child, BM can ask them to take it away.
There is an order for a reason, & they need to follow it.
When his "stomach was hurting" she should've brought him back to your DH so that he could be the parent on his time. The child having aches & pains or being sick doesn't automatically put him in the mothers care. That sends the idea to the child that daddy isn't capable or doesn't know how to care for him. Only mommy does. BAD move on your DH's part.
Completely agree with this
Completely agree with this ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
You need to explain to your DH that by giving up his time he is setting a precedence that says he does not want his time....
With this BM can ask for modification and have what time he has reduced or even possibly required supervised.