Worries...
:? SO and I are planning on moving in together between now and October sometime. I'm just worried. I know I shouldn't be thinking about these things and be happy that we are thinking about taking that step, but I'm worried. I'm worried because SO has already done all this before. I haven't. I haven't been in a relationship that is THIS serious. I've never lived with a guy before. I'm sad because all my firsts will be with someone who has already had them all. I feel like I'm competing with HER. Am I jealous of her? Do I think they still love each other? No to both. I know he loves me. I know they dispise each other. BUT she was his first EVERYTHING! His first love, the first person he lived with, the first women(well.. Child I guess.) to have his child, the first one to break his heart. She has all the big first's (well, except for his last name, which will be mine! SHHHHHH don't tell him I said that!) But they had a huge thing. And I know lots of drugs were involved in their time together, but it was still a big thing. I just don't feel that he will ever love me..... How do I say it??? BIGGER I guess. Adult love. Mature love. That I will be more important to him then she was. Does that make sense to anyone?
Another thing is I know SD is going to FREAK out! She is gonna flip. I mean Nemo is going to be around ALL THE TIME (Except for when I work) You mean? She isn't going to get to sleep in daddys room? You mean, WHAT? She can't even step foot into daddys room? You mean, She is going to have to
1. Pick up after herself and have all her toys put away when she leaves?
2. Pick up her toys after she gets out of the bath?
3. Put her dirty clothes in a hamper?
4. Keep her room clean?
5. Put her own laundry away?
6. Stay sitting at the table while she is eating and not walk around 24/7?
7. Not have a TV in her room?
8. Not get the TV 24/7?
9. Have to stay in ONE outfit all day?
10. Make her bed?
11. Let daddy and Nemo have alone time?
Man, I know its gonna be a challenge, but jeez.... I don't know if I'm prepared for the screaming and crying, the pouting....
- Nemo's blog
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Comments
All of these are valid
All of these are valid concerns. Honestly, though, some of those 'firsts' that you want to claim...very few people (both parents and the childless) end up with the same person who first broke their heart (heck, I think the first guy who broke my heart did it in the second grade!)
We acually agree on the
We acually agree on the rules.
BlendedFam- I buy the laundry
BlendedFam-
I buy the laundry soap that will be used to wash the many outfits she HAS TO wear a day. I work two jobs. I don't want to go home and have to wash the kazillion clothes she has to wear a day. So it is a crime to wear one outfit a day? Jeebes, my mother and father should be shot then uh? Because they made me my brothers and sister wear one outfit a day?
We have one TV. She is going to have to deal with it until we can afford to get her one of her own. I am not going to suffer and not be able to relax and watch TV after I get off work so she can have one in her room. I don't have a TV in my room. I have never needed one. But when the TV makes in impossible for her to be social with ANYONE then it's a problem.
Did I say he is backing me up "Becasue I say so?" No I didn't. I said we AGREE on these rules.
And no hunnie, I am not moving in. I (Ya know, MY name on the lease?) am getting an apartment, with two bedrooms so that my SO and HIS DAUGHTER can get out of my SO's dads house. We will each be paying the same amount of money towards bills and what not.
Thank you for jumping to your conclusions. That was wonderful of you.
She is 19 years old. She
She is 19 years old. She knows everything. She will figure it out soon enough.
Yeah she is. Just thought
Yeah she is. Just thought that would explain the nasty comments you got back. hahaha
Heaven: I think it's great
Heaven: I think it's great you and BF can talk about and AGREE on the ground rules. The only thing I want to ask is : why wait till you move in together? Maybe he can explain the expectations to her and start enforcing them NOW..that way it's not "your fault". There will be lots of adjustments for all of you once you move in together, if he starts this now, maybe it will be less stressful on all of you?
As far as missing out on his "firsts", I know how you feel. I had never lived with a guy before, or been married, etc. and he'd done all of it -- honeymoon, housebuying, kids, etc. We talked about it once and he pointed out that it was His first time doing those things with ME. Each relationship is different, and after all -- you are wonderful! Maybe everthing he does with you will make his past look not so noteworthy.. }:) Seriously, i know it's hard not to compare everything, but that's a road you want to avoid. Our wedding, our honeymoon, now buying a house together IS special because WE are special.
Soy
I would speak with your bf
I would speak with your bf and go over your rules. If he does not get on board with you it will be a loosing battle. You have to be on the same page for it to work and I would not move in until you are sure this is the case