A General Thought-
Things never change.....skid problems just "evolve" into grand skid problems, if your DH never changes.....newest example :-Yesterday I was not told or consulted-----I heard a conversation between DH and 40something SS (DH had him on speaker phone)....."oh, no...daycare cancelled for grand skid? No problem, let's work this out as a family.......what are your schedules like? You must be sooooo busy, grand skid can come over here this week!!! What about next week too...we will need to look at that.....look at your schedules, and let me know.....I am in the background thinking, What the hell about MY schedule?? I work too!!! I thought WE were family!!! When said call is over, I say.. " what about my schedule? Why am I never consulted? DH replies: why do you hate my son and grandskid??? So sick of this $hit...it never ends
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My response to dh to that why
My response to dh to that why do you hate xx question:
I dont hate said skid, I cant stand you DH
What it boils down to
What most posts boil down to here on ST, is a huge DH problem! These partners could stop the problems when they start, but it seems like they choose the skids to side with......
It's not that they
It's not that they necessarily choose their kids to side with, it's that they make decisions, like babysitting the grand kids, without taking their spouse into consideration. They operate as though they are single. That's not right.
I wonder how many of these men, if they were still with BM, would just make unilateral decisions, without even discussing with BM. I bet the conversation would have been more like, "Let me talk with your mom and we will see what we can come up with." As the parents/grand parents, and a couple, they would have discussed it.
Somehow (because you are not their mother?), you don't rate high enough to get that same conversation.
It'a a load of bull.
In response to his, "Why do you hate my son, blah, blah, blah," I would ask, "Why do you have such little disrespect for me that you do not discuss with me what will be happening in my own home?"
Thank you
Hereiam, that is right on! It always makes me feel better knowing others here know how hard this can be!
To be fair if the bio
To be fair if the bio grandparents are still together, the Grandma isn't going to say no to baby sitting the grandkids.
I wouldn't change my plans and respond to him.....Well enjoy your week with the little ones, I'm out.
Your H has really got the art
Your H has really got the art of gaslighting and deflection down pat, hasn't he?I
Always respond by redirecting him back to the true issue: "That is not what this discussion is about. You need to answer the question. Why would you make plans that involve me without first consulting me?" He'll bluster and attempt to filibuster, but you need to remain calm and not allow him to derail the discussion.
You also need to distance yourself should the gskid come for a visit. Your H is the one who volunteered to babysit, so leave it ALL to him. Run errands, visit friends etc, and be unavailable. Let your H fully experience the consequences of disrespecting you, including cooking, entertaining, and cleanup.
^^^^This^^^ Your DH's whole
^^^^This^^^ Your DH's whole attitude is that you are of no account and your views/needs/preferences don't matter, only his.