Anything but my holiday
Is it selfish that I used my in that title entry?
I figured starting a new family, I would be able to infiltrate my ideas of how holidays would play out. Jokes on me. He doesn't much adopt anything new from me. "well I grew up doing this, and I want to continue that." I fucking hate joinging a ready made family! Why hadn't things like this occured to me?
Partnership or dictatorship I wonder. I am growing increasingly unhappy and my heart feels heavy from it. His mom and her fiance are coming to visit this weekend which will be tough on me. Trying to pretend to be happy and nothing is wrong. I dont know if I can do it. Besides, his mom is too good at reading people. She can feel my energy and know something is up. So what... why should I care? Hurts my head pondering these things.
It kinda alarmed me when he mentioned yesterday how we were at each others throats. Said he didn't want our relationship to be like that... he didnt want to break me anymore...
So he admits he was "breaking me?" And does that further mean that he expects me to agree with him 100% on everything so he doesn't "break me?"
Back to subject at hand... so does that mean I dont get to implement any of my holiday traditions??? I am so disheartened. Sometimes I just wish I can crawl into a hole and hide.
Where's that Xanex when you need it? 
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Comments
I mean like Easter and
I mean like Easter and Christmas and stuff. How things are done as far as easter baskets. We normally have a nice Easter meal and everything. Of course, they don't do easter baskets when the girls wake up. The easter bunny hides stuff around the house and the girls have to go look for it. Im probably being petty but it just adds to the list of things I cant do. BTW... my ' button on my laptop is being wonky... anyway, its that sort of thing. So, when it came to buying the goods, I let him pay for everything. They are his girls, following his traditions, so he can spend his money. And when he goes to work, he can take his girls to daycare while I do my own things. Especially since he works til, if not past 8 most days so I'm stuck watching them... yet he got pissed when I told him I would like the girls in bed by 8/830.
I know how you feel! My new
I know how you feel! My new family actually lacks tradition and aren't interested in any of mine. I come from a family with a ton of tradition, and now I just feel like I don't have any more holidays. For ex. on Christmas, we bought the kids a ton of presents. That's the only way we celebrated at all. To me, Chritmas was never about going broke or spoiling children. To top it off, I'm over 800 miles from my family so I've just really started to resent holidays.
Well I can see why he wouldnt
Well I can see why he wouldnt want to change his traditions as far as his kids are concerned. Say he did decide not to hide easter things about...and you did the baskets. They would feel like you came in and took over and Easter would be anything but their holiday. He should still do what he normally does with/for his children, but there is no reason you cant compromise and introduce some aspects of your traditions as well and then in the future the combination of both of your "ways" can become your new family tradition.
This is good advice and I
This is good advice and I really appreciate you going at lengths to share this with me. I get so super sensitive about all these things because I'm scared to death that I am going to be taken advantage of.
DH thought I was going to go out and spend money for Easter. I had to get him to go... I buy skids lots of things, but they are his girls so he needs to fork up the money for easter. He didn't complain about it... but I knew he was testing the limits to see if I would buy all the candy and gifts.
To be honest, his thing with Easter, as I said earlier is hiding the stuff for the girls to find. I think it's silly... but he agreed that we can also leave stuff in the baskets. He has no problem with that. Then he said we would go to his friends family where they have an easter egg hunt, and what they do every year. My sensitivity yells out, there you go, don't even ask me if that's cool. You just assume that because you do it every year that it's what you will always do. Don't ask me what I'm comfortable with.
He agreed to Easter service at least. And you know what, it's not even that I have a problem with going to his friends, it's his assumption that because it's HIS tradition to do that every year, that it's what we will do.
He's making the adjustment from savvy and single, to step-mom of two, leaving all my friends and family in TX to Cali... extremely difficult and uncomfortable.