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Entitled SD's

Moonbeams's picture

Submitted by Moonbeams on Mon, 01/11/2010 - 5:31pm

I have two SD's one is college age and the other is a college grad.
I have a problem because they feel like they are entitled to live in our house rent-free. I feel that they are old enough to at least help out financially but they won't.
College age is 20 and not working or works part-time when she gets called in to work. She goes to college full time and helps out at home once in awhile, if she feels like it. She also brings her 25 year old BF home and sleeps with him in her bedroom. We pay everything for her, cell phone, car insurance, groceries, etc.
college grad is working part time, we've repeatedly advised her to get a full time job but has not done so. She pays for her own car and car insurance, everything else we pay for, like cell phone, groceries etc.

My DH feels like he should take care of his kids and they should only move out when ready.
We are financially strapped right now, we have so much bills with all these people living with us. And I was laid off from my job and lost 20% of my income. I'm working again but don't make the same amount of money.

I'm done telling my DH because he doesn't take my complaining seriously. I love my DH and have a 4 year old with him, whom I love dearly as well. I don't want a divorce.

What can I do to have his adult children come around and take responsibility for their lives? Start making plans to move out on their own? How do I encourage them with my DH help, to move on without hostility?

Comments

soverysad's picture

Submitted by soverysad on Mon, 01/11/2010 - 6:14pm

They will never take responsibility for themselves because noone is making them. Their lives are good, why would they change?

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

Moonbeams's picture

Submitted by Moonbeams on Mon, 04/12/2010 - 4:29pm

I've suggested this to my DH numerous times, but he would have NOTHING to do with kicking them out. He feels that everything will be just fine, if we can only learn to get along. I'm trying my darndest to get along. Yesterday, the younger SD had the nerve to order me and my DH to clean up the kitchen in 20 minutes becuase she was making dinner and didn't like the mess. ( I made dinner for my 4 year old and was in the process of feeding him) I lost it! I told her she was way out of line and she needs to clean it up herself. She ran to her room saying she wasn't being rude and when talked to by my DH started to cry! She didn't mean to sound rude, etc. etc.
We had a long talk with them, and patched it up, to my DH's delight. I had to explain myself to them why I lost my temper and told her off. I had to basically be the "adult". We told them WE are the parents and WE own the house, WE pay the bills and not them, WE are not their ROOMMATES. I know things will be cool for awhile until the next attitude from this little spoiled rotten brat of a SD. AND to me, this is not fun anymore, and I'm starting to resent my DH because of our home situation. I'm afraid I might take drastic measures and leave him!!!!

Moonbeam

Moonbeams's picture

Submitted by Moonbeams on Mon, 04/12/2010 - 4:34pm

I don't think I can do 7 years. I'll be too old and I still want to enjoy my life without catering to spoiled SD's. Sad

Moonbeam

glynne's picture

Submitted by glynne on Mon, 04/12/2010 - 6:12pm

Hi Moonmbeams,
I understand what you are going through. However, if your DH won't enforce the rules I'm not sure what steps you can take. You say that you have a job also, so I think that if I was in your place I would separate the bills. You shouldn't be responsible for the adult stepkids groceries, cell phone, etc. Or if not separating the bills - do a household budget. I did a worksheet showing the annual household expenses and my DH was very surprised by the amount that he was spending on his SD. Also, by doing a budget maybe you and DH can at least agree to some limits on the expenses for the stepkids. At the same time - maybe you can list household chores and who is responsible for what. For example - you shouldn't be responsible for the grocery shopping, meals, laundry - that's just unfair. The last resort - which I had to do - was boycott. I work full time and DH and I both make good pay. I stopped grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, laundry and set up a "get away fund" just in case. SD left about a month into my boycott and DH has not mentioned her moving back in since.

I wish I had an easier solution for you.

Glynne