Giving Up Visitation?
Should we give up our Thursdays?
OK, my hubby just got a promotion at his job, and is going to work longer hours. We have a standard visititation order, so he gets him every other weekend and every Thursday for 2 hrs starting at 6. Problem is, now instead of getting out on time to pick him up Thursdays, he will be geting out at about 7.
BM is angry with us because we called the cops on her when she didnt want to take SS back after we had him for 2 wks straight (she wouldnt answer the phone, and wouldnt open the door when we would go to drop him off.), so we called the cops and reported that she didnt want to take him so as to not have her say later that we didnt want to give him back or something and have us in contempt. She found out, and now shes all about "going by court order," so needless to say she will give him to us from 6-8 thursday, not one minute sooner or later, and we know shes waiting for us to screw up so she can call the cops on us for contempt (weve been very careful so we havent given her the luxury).
Ok so now that my DH is having this promotion, he is asking me to go get my ss thursdays, and i love seeing him but i hate his mother... with a passion. She has attempted to have physical altercations with me, so I dont feel comfortable, especially cause I'd have my daughter with me, and I dont know what she is capable of (she attacked me infront of her own son.)Needless to say, I REALLY dont want to set foot there to go get him and have to see her.
I was thinking of asking my hubby to give up that visitation, since we know she wont budge on giving us another date or time, and I dont want to be the one to get him and have more problems. I have noticed that the further I stay out of that whole mess, the better my life is. The only other person that could possibly pick him up is my mom, and I dont want to involve her at all.
Is there any chance we can do that without getting in trouble? Is he in contempt if he doesnt get him that particular day and do we run the risk of losing our weekend visitations if we dont? Weve never given up our weekend visitations, so I dont see why that would be at risk for us to lose, but still.
We contemplated sending her a certified letter stating that we would be giving up thursdays because of work conflicts to kind of cover our backs if she ever decides to take us to court to get visitation revoked. Is that a good idea?
Help?
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Comments
First of all, DH needs to be
First of all, DH needs to be handling this. If you do not want to do it, don't. I would suggest maybe having DH ask BM to meet at a public place for ALL visitations, as that can eliminate any confrontations and such. Even if just across street from her house, it is better than going directly to her house.
If DH decides that the visitation is not going to work for now due to work schedule, sending a certified letter to such should be sufficient, just make sure state that suspending the visitation until further notice, in case hours do change again or some other solution comes up.
We tried getting to meet her
We tried getting to meet her at the police department because the policeman who took my police report after she assualted me gave us that suggestion. However, court orders specifically state HER home. and when we told her we would meet her at PD, she took the papers to PD herself, and there a detective told her that we HAVE to drop him off at her house, so shes sticking to that. We tried to go get that changed, and the county court here would only tell us to consult a lawyer, and right now we cant afford to go to court, if we go we want to fight out to get more overnight/after school visitation so we dont have this problem.
Are you guys 50/50 custody?
Are you guys 50/50 custody? If not, the visitation schedule is made for your husband so she can't keep the child from him. She can't hold your husband for contempt for not taking the days.
Your DH will not be in
Your DH will not be in contempt for not taking the child for visitation. This is your DH's problem not yours. Parents work schedules change all the time and both parties need to be flexible. Visitation is for the child, not the parents. This is how the courts look at it anyway. Can DH ask for a different day? Otherwise I would not get involved on your end. If she refuses to give him a different day, then he can take her to court and BM will look like an idiot for not letting him trade days due to his work schedule.
UPDATE!! i told my DH that I
UPDATE!!
i told my DH that I didnt want to get him, and he totally flipped. He got mad and said that "he'll find a way if I didnt want to help him or be involved with his son." Its not his son i hate! I love that little boy!
I keep reading all these blogs here from people that have just chosen to stay out of it, and their lives are SO much easier... and I used to be very involved and wanting to know everything and be at every pick-up/drop-off or whatever, but after trying that whole "staying out of it" thing, man, its just sooo much easier.
Problem is, I got him used to being involved, and I guess now he takes it as it being a part of my job doing all this picking up stuff. I wouldnt mind if it wasnt for me getting him at HER house. AHHH!
You have to do what is best
You have to do what is best for you. I would stay far away from this woman without an (adult) witness, since she has already assaulted you once. Dh will either have to understand or make other arrangements. Do not allow yourself to be pressured into a potentially dangerous, and very annoying! situation.
It doesn't matter what you did before, this is what you are doing now, for your safety and because it is not your child, it is HIS and therefore his responsibility.
Btw, if BM EVER touches you again, I hope you will call the police and press full charges against her.!
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Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2You won't be in contempt.
You won't be in contempt. But if he gives up his Thursdays, BM can use it against him in court to get his visitation lessened. It's something to think about very, very carefully before making that choice.
We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.