I only want to give my time/love/gifts to my own child
My husband thought that I would be able to deal better with his son (10 year old-lives with BM) after we had a baby. I'm a new mom to a precious baby boy. Motherhood is amazing! I can't believe the strong emotions a mother feels for her child. But no I struggle so bad when he comes over every other weekend. I'm so happy when he leaves Sunday and my life can get back to normal. It's like our happy little family (the three of us) and then his son comes and it's completely disrupted until he leaves.
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I'm sorry many feel that
I'm sorry many feel that way. Try to put the shoe on the childs foot. Maybe he feels the same way. Even though it wasn't your fault.
He might think he had a perfect little life with his Bio parents & then along came a step mother. All children at a certain age will distrupt a family.
And i'm sure his biodad loves him, as much as he loves the child you share.
Once the baby gets older, SS will probably act differently, when he can play more and your child talks, you'll see changes there I'm sure.
He could also be a little jealous that the baby gets to live with daddy full time and gets more attention, then he does.
Maybe try spending more one on one time with SS and let hubby watch the infant. Take SS out alone. Do some of his hobbies with him and try to get closer. I do feel all children whether their yours or his should all be treated the same. I know that's difficult, because you bond with an infant, when you give birth. Try giving the older son more time when he is with you.And make him more important temporarily. Even though he really isn't more important.he might just need that sense that he is "MORE" important. good luck !
Comgrats on your new son & I hope all work out in time, I'm sure it will.
I can't treat them the
I can't treat them the same...I kiss and love on my baby boy. I don't love my husbands son. It would be completely not-natural...I can't treat them the same? Please clarify what you mean the same.
Its okay that you don't love
Its okay that you don't love your stepson. It takes a long time to bond with stepchildren. Don't put that expectation on yourself, just try not to see him as an outsider, his visits will be easier on you if you can see that he is a part of your husband. Treat him well, thats all anyone can ask
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
i dont love my dh's kids.
i dont love my dh's kids. And i wont stop kissing hugging my child when they are here. I'm their mother and i wont stop to please them! They have a mother who loves them. Nothing wrong in putting your child first on your list if that is how you feel about gifts or anything.
Treating them the same? dont know about that. Depends on the situation and what same treatment is....
Yes, the household is disrupted for the weekend visit because u have a routine. Nothing wrong in being frustrated there. But dont focus onthe frustration and what you can't do when they come. continue doing what you normally do on weekdays etc and dotn stop doign something because they come. you will resent their visits. i used to put off doing something in case their feelings got hurt etc..etc..only got me resentful. So i decided, too bad, i'm gonna do whatever i wnat, whenever i want , if they want to be part of it, fine if not their loss not mine. Caus i'm going to plow ahead.
Does he do things to disrupt on purpose? Or is that how you percieve him , as an intruder? at the beginning he may be jealous but try to include him. If he is ok and its your perception of the situation then you have some refocusing to do.