feeling destressified
so i went to see ill niño last night
totally awesome band, got up front and after an hour and a half of heavy metal blasting through my ears moshing around and watching chrsitan machado (singer) sing all the wonderful songs that i love with his beautiful dreadlocks flying around and the very very hot guitarist play right in front of me (soooo HOT!!) I feel very much distressed.
now back to my current issue, i decided to flag all the e-mail messages i have sent to my ex regarding our daughter and amid the all the e-mails i have sent him mainly telling him that he needs to be in G's life, and giving him information regarding child support. i realized that he only responded to 4 2 of witch when we were still together only several sentences long and very badly written.
what I'm wondering write now is how is this going to hold up in court, he claims to have sent me 2 email messages which i did not receive because at a certain time i was very angry with him and blocked him from my e-mail, everything else has been through the phone. all the times i have spoke to him i have attempted to remain as civil as possible.
2 weeks ago he called to say that he was going to attempt to be in G's life and call her every weekend and send CS and even wanted to help finance her private school. Of course i said ok but in my head i was like " this is just a bunch of bs and hes not even going to call next weekend"
I even told him that when he called i had his number down so i would just hand her the phone without talking to him
( for me this is a great plan) and to be consistent with her. OF course he never called, i have things i want to discuss with him regarding G but i feel that it is a lost cause i recently sent him an e-mail (new address) regarding this but he hasn't answered at all.
sometimes i wonder why the f#ck do i go out of my way to do all this, one day he acts like G is the most important thing for him the next its like she never existed for him.
I'm tired of dealing with this shit, all i want is for him to be involved in her life, i feel that i can now be civil to him because I'm under the current realization that he is a loser, so i am happy that he is now someone else's problem in that aspect, but even losers love their kids, no?
I'm about to give up, I am under the realization that i can not make him do something that apparently doesn't want to do except get CS from him and it looks as if I'm going to have to go to court to do it. for some odd reason i feel that i am failing as a mother because i am incapable to have my daughters father be in her life. ( so does not make sense) i feel like calling the bastard and cussing him out for being such a f#ckin cabron, but i know that in a few months I'm going to want to make peace the sole reason being i feel that G needs her dad, sound's crazy i know,I'm just so tired of this situation. Great now I'm stressed again...where is Cristian when u need him. 
- mojona's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Mojona
A very dear friend of mine has same situation with her son and I have watched my friend, let's call her F and son S, my F always attempts to keep things positive and open for when he deems his attention is in need, not wanting to ever keep her son from having a relationship with his father due to her own actions, BUT she has finally made boundaries because he would make demands after not contacting for months
well the BD calls occasionally, or email, but not every month, bday, christmas , etc.He is in army which at least made him pay CS. BUT ex does make promises too that would break your heart and S, now 13, always excuses, I have had to turn my teary eyes when listening to him talk to dad on phone. Dad lives in other state but has family here and will come to town and never even call!!!
when he does make contact he ask why S is not completely comfortable iwth him or why it is struggle to talk to him!! Because dickhead , you need to form communication ,not demand on whim.
I have other friends whose children NEVER see dad and they actually believe might be easier but there are questions to answer from the child and then at certain age , the child seems to hit faze of dwelling on other parent, but these kids , everyone I have known have turned out well adjusted IF the mother parents firmly.
I am sorry ,it must hurt , but you sound great and your daughter is blessed with such a parent, even in marriage there are sometimes, absent, emotionally distant parents, we just always seem to see the PERFECT family when we are thinking of thses things!
im so frusterated right now
i think what you posted will be the story of my life, me trying to be nice and my ex being a dickhead.
i'm at my breaking point right now i'm trying really fuckin hard to work things out but i beginning to believe that this is a one sided intention. f*** this I'm going to do everything through court, it seems to be the only way to get this little fucker to do anything at all.
Krikas ANdantes
child support
Mojona, I would definitely take him to court for child support. If you don't he doesn't have to give you anything. If he doesn't pay you then he gets in trouble for not paying you and starts a running tab of money he owes you.
Maybe when he is contributing $$ to your child's support, he will remember she is around and see her more often. I think you can do this without an attorney, all you need is his social security number I think. Call your local child support office or ask someone who gets it how to register.
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil
he alredy owes me 16m worth
i've just been stupid and waiting for him to get a job and to start paying on his own. but your right i think im going to give him until the end of the month to do this. he finished school so he should be able to work as soon as possible. I already have a case pending since i have government insurance i had to set him up with the child support ( something he hated) the only problem is that he refuses to give me a valid address where i can reach him. what i meant was I'm going to sue him for child support i just don't want to pay another filing fee...:(
Krikas ANdantes
his mom
If he won't give you an address, tell this to CPS. But if you know his mom or any family member who may be sympathetic give CPS their address as his. Then they can get on his *ss too.
If you can try to get the mom on your side, doesn't she want to see the baby too? I am glad you already have this underway. Too bad if he doesn't like it, that is his responsibility and he needs to know that-!
p.s. one who destresses me is Antonio Banderas - I love him, I mean I really do-!!
"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil
the really funny part of this whole situation is
I get along great with his family, his mom calls every weekend to talk to G and everyone in his family adores her. I send pics when i can and his mom sent me a copy of his birth certificate and ss a long time ago. I have told CS about this situation and they have tried to get his address through his school, which was not cooperative at all. So i asked if i could use his dads address and they said it was fine, however the case doesn't seem to be getting anywhere. but i did hear something about him the other day that made me laugh and be very glad were not together anymore, it appears that his current GF is annoyed w/him because she has to motivate him all the time to do anything, especially to get a job. if she doesn't he just lays about the house all day and does nothing. so hahahhahhahahahhahahhahahaha, as the saying goes (with minor modifications) One womens trash is the OTHER womans treasure until that OTHER woman realizes that trash is trash and throws him out.
Krikas ANdantes
ya know
I have the same situation with my ex, he says he wants to be a dad but he doesn't make an attempt to call or visit. I always have to call him and after 4 years of doing that I've given up. I won't push anymore, I would rather have him just stay away than keep making empty promises to my daughter
Same situation
Just wanted to let you know I know exactly how you feel. Mine has abandoned his 3 children, and now he has gone out and made another baby. It made me sick, and I was so angry with myself for picking such a useless pig for a father for my children. I had to finally let it go. After 8 years, I am finally on a road to recovery, and he is dead to me and to my children. They saw him for who he was themselves. I don't have to be sad for them anymore because I am doing a great job as a mother, and thank God we have no input from him. He is not a man who will set a good example for the kids. He is a fine example of what NOT to be when they grow up. Hang in there, it gets easier, especially when they get older.
I wanted to add
It's a lot easier to get over him if he at least pays child support. My ex goes months at a time without paying and during those lean times my stress level goes up, so that really sucks when they completely dump on us like that. The child support system is very tough and very very frustrating. Your best bet is to get in touch with anybody who is close to him, and hope that they are sympathetic, and make sure they know that they are enabling a deadbeat if they won't have compassion for you.