Losing hope with my step son
So I'm looking to rant but also looking for answers. I'm losing any hope that things will ever work between my step son and I. A little history for anyone willing to read. I have known my husband for 10yrs been together for 6 and married for 3. I have known my step son since he was 3 and came into his life as a parent role at 7. My step sons bio mother and my husband were never married nor were they ever "together". They simply were friends that got drunk and had a kid at a young age. My ss has had behavioral issues since daycare getting kicked out and what not. Long story short my ss behavior became to much for his bio mom when he was 8 so my husband (just a boy friend at the time) took my ss on full time. We went through 2yrs of straight hell with my ss. After 2 very long years of spending thousands of dollars and time taking my ss through counseling, doctors, diet change basically everything we could to get him back on track nothing changed. At the end of the 2 years I was pregnant with our son and having a rough pregnancy, my ss knocked me down. His dad sent him back to his bio mom to insure the safety of our son and me until further notice. He spent most of last school year with his bio mom and things came to a head again around April. So we took my ss back in full time. Again we sought after help. Here is the real catch of the story, my husband has to work ou of town to make the money we need. Therefore it's just me taking care of both the boys until the weekends. So I spent the summer going through a intensive 90 day behavior modification program with my ss where we both got help with dealing with things. Well still nothing has changed. My ss has pushed around my son who is almost 2 and ss is almost 13. He treats me like scum and is the most disrespectful kid I've ever met. He gets violent, is always in trouble at school has turned me in at school for abuse and is a really bad influence on my 2yr old. The most difficult part is my husband who is out of town. He helps when he can and he is very supportive but until he comes home ss is out of control! Nothing I've tried has worked and I know him going back to his bio is not the best thing for him but I'm losing my mind and also feel it is unfair to my son. My ss is always causing so many problems that my time in consumed by him and rarely spent with my own son. It's been 6 years of the same thing. Someone please HELP! I don't want to leave my husband I love him dearly and he is a wonderful father. I know it was a package deal but I'm at my wits end! Help!
- Mod330's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Honestly, you need outside
Honestly, you need outside help. In the form of some kind of boot camp possibly. And I'm not just saying that. He really needs some sort of discipline that you alone cannot provide him, and with your husband unable to be there to help, you need to recruit help. If therapy or psychiatrists can't help, try looking into some sort of boot camp or something similar.
Hi Hun. Sorry to hear you're
Hi Hun.
Sorry to hear you're going through this.
Unfortunately, everything I would have suggested already seems to have been done (counselling etc)
I pray there is someone on here who can help.
I've only been a member for a few days but I've already found it helpful - it's just good to know you're not alone and have somewhere to vent.
Kind regards,
Fairy xxx
Ladyface, He has been tested
Ladyface,
He has been tested for ADD ADHD and bipolar. They gave him a diagnosis for ODD. Which is Oppositional Diefience Disorder. In other words has a problem with authority. One doctor did say he was ADHD but all three meds that we tried him on made him worse. We even had him on sleeping pill to get his sleep on schedule. They have a med for ODD but it strictly makes him a zombie and unable to think to react. My husband and I both feel that's no way for a kid to live. Maybe we are wrong? Where we live with the economy the way it is we can't afford for me to go back to work because of the cost of daycare and gas we would actually lose money. And the money my husband makes out of town would never be breaking even if he were to come back into town they pay him for his hotel and what not. There are times I would love to send ss back to his mom but she cares more for herself then him and it truely would be the worst for ss. I just I'm so lost on what to do.
I was going to suggest the
I was going to suggest the same thing about the medication - talk to the doctor about different dosage or an alternative. Ask the doctor if the zombie behavior is normal, or if that lessens over time. There have been times I or friends/family have started a new med and it messed with them the first couple weeks but they evened out after a while. Just a thought.
Also for the other comments
Also for the other comments we have looked into boot camp several times but just for 3 mo it is 10 grand. Also we are hesitant because of the emotional impact that it could have on ss. It could be good or make things 10x worse?
Good idea, I would add, have
Good idea, I would add, have you talked with teacher's and school, I would be curious if there was county or state help/programs that you may qualify for
Your SS's behavioural
Your SS's behavioural problems would be hard enough to deal with if DH were around more, let alone when you are left alone, I think you're heroic. I personally would find that very hard to live with if all options had already been exhausted and there were no hope of a change in his behaviour.
The only random idea that came to mind is if DH works away in the same place all week is there any way SS could go to school where DH works, so the pair of them live in a hotel during the week and DH is able to spend the evenings with his son? If there are no options then the bottom line for me would be that this boys parents should be the ones dealing with his behaviour, it is not fair to blight your and your child's life with the stress and conflict and leave you to take the lions share of responsibility. A package deal means you get DH and SS together, it doesn't mean you get SS without DH most of the time.
Either he should move back to his mother's house and she should step up, or he should reside with her Monday-Friday and spend every weekend with you and DH, when DH can be around to deal with him. Worst case scenario is SS snaps and really hurts you or DS, that's a risk DH should want to take.
It would be ideal if he could
It would be ideal if he could travel with his dad but he works all over the state and works 10 to15 hr days. I myself was raised mostly by my step father and hate to use that word because if you ask who my dad is it would be him. So I grew up in an "unconventional" family if you want to put it that way. I though I would be fine taking on a child that's not biologically mine but I never thought that it would be hell the whole time. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but there is no catching a break with my SS. It's gotten to the point ( and it sounds terrible and I feel guilty about it) where I don't even want to be in the same room as him. When I was pregnant I had to be on anxiety meds.