Not sure how to react
SS5 has picked up a new habit that seems to be getting worse and I'm just not sure how to react appropriately. The new habit? Waiting until he thinks I'm not looking then breaking a rule to see if he can get away with it. I recognize that it's attention seeking behavior, and I should ignore it, but I also don't want to give the idea that he can break the rule as long as he thinks I can't see him breaking it. I love SS5 but it seems like every time he comes back from Gran's or BM's he seems to come back with this attitude of "I'm going to to whatever I want". We're to the point that a simple "No you can't have a cookie before lunch" escalates into toy throwing or breaking other rules. He sees this as his retaliation for not getting his way. He has no impulse control and can not seem to deal with not getting what he wants when/where/why/how/from whom.
Brought the behavior up to DH, and while he supports my parenting decisions (zero warnings for known rules), he doesn't practice it. He's not sure how to deal with the constant rule breaking when SS5 doesn't get his way, nor does he know how to handle the conscious rule breaking just to see if I'm watching. (Thank the GODS he finally sees it and I'm not just "picking on SS5") Any advice on how to handle being backed into that corner by a five year old? I want to help him work past this and demonstrate that he can't just break rules, but I don;t want to give him the attention he's seeking either. Seems like such a no win situation. Help!
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I think he needs to be called
I think he needs to be called on it each and every time. Try to keep the attention he receives for breaking said rules to a minimum. For example, "You're not allowed to throw toys, so now you get 15 minutes in your bed." No other discussion, no yelling, just place him in his room (if he won't go of his own volition) and be done with it.
That is normal five year old
That is normal five year old behaviour. Do not ignore it. He is testing you. You have to set firm and consistent boundaries with him. Every time that you catch him doing x thing, calmly tell him why he is in trouble, remind him or make him tell you why x thing is against the rules, tell him that daddy is going to hear about it when he gets home, tell him what his punishment is, make him acknowledge that he did it, and then punish him. In my house, if ss7 is lets say supposed to be cleaning his room but i go upstairs and find him jumping on the bed fifteen minutes later, i go through the steps above - I look him square in the eye and say you are in a lot of trouble. What did i tell you to do? and he will kick his foot and look at the floor and mumble clean my room. I will say and what were you just doing? and he will then squirm and kick his foot and mumble jumping on my bed. And I say yep. So then I say I am going to stand here until this room is clean. After that you are going to time out and when daddy gets home the three of us are going to have a little talk. So we'll go through all that and after time out I'll tell ss that he can go play in his room but there is no tv tonight, no stories tonight, and no desert. Dh will then come home and give ss an earful and make him apologize to me. SS is a very well behaved child., but you have to create well behaved children - they dont pop out that way. Find a good parenting book - try "parenting with love and logic" and "discipline with love and logic".