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A full bed, too early in the morning

miskittius's picture

Submitted by miskittius on Mon, 02/01/2010 - 9:36am

So, when my BF and I started to have me sleep over when his son was around, he had programmed lil 5 year old Aidan that when he wakes up to turn the TV On, and let us sleep. Well, now that I am going to be moving in, and for the past few weeks, Aidan hads been waking us up at 630 in the am to sleep in our bed. I come from a split Family and this was something that was shunned upon by both my step mom and dad. I feel very uncomfortable with this, firstly I work in the restaurant industry and get home late, I cannot be waking up at 630, listening to lil guy try and strike up a conversation. I feel that bed time is very private time. When I apporached my BF he basically said, tough, deal with it. I advised him to speak with his ex and see if this kind of action happens with her. Am I in the wrong? Its bad enough I have to share weekends with him, now I have to share special bed time too? my Bf has to lay with his son for till he falls asleep, sometimes my BF asleep there, and there goes our little weekend time we have alone. HELP...

Comments

soverysad's picture

Submitted by soverysad on Mon, 02/01/2010 - 9:59am

I agree. Your bf's response is my biggest concern. What else will he expect you to "deal with"?

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Mon, 02/01/2010 - 9:54am

I think its inappropriate. This happened to me too. It is uncomfortable. Start locking the door, if he seriously needs you, he'll bang on it, if he doesn't, he will most likely just go back to his bed. Your BF needs to be more understanding about this. YOUR bed is YOUR bed.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

miskittius's picture

Submitted by miskittius on Mon, 02/01/2010 - 9:38pm

That is a great idea, locking the door too bad we don't have a lock, and I don't want to have it come to that. I just had a convo with the bo, and really said to him, put urself in my shoes. I have no kids, have never been married, and USED TO ENJOY weekends. I also said, I know you enjoy " aidan time, how about me time... I then asked him if he remembered the last day we truly spent together, he swelled in tears and couldn't answer... My prob w the BF is unforunatly, he's a dumb jock fret boy, whose never experienced pain and emotional hurt. I have been through more when I was 12 than a lot do in life. It's easy for me to have the tough love approach, not at all him...

stuknaz's picture

Submitted by stuknaz on Mon, 02/01/2010 - 10:14am

"Tough deal with it!" Umm like Hell no! Don't move in with your boyfriend! This is only going to get worse!!!

"And this too shall pass..."

belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Mon, 02/01/2010 - 10:19am

I agree. I'm at the age where "Tough, deal with it!" is a deal-breaker. If my DH ever said something that disrespectful to me, I would say: I'm out of here until you realize that is not an appropriate response to your spouse, EVER. If you haven't figured it out and apologized in a week, then I guess we both need to start looking for a divorce lawyer."

Sorry if that sounds like I treat marriage lightly. I don't -- on the contrary, I take it VERY seriously. Seriously enough that I would never say such a thing to my husband.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

srangel112's picture

Submitted by srangel112 on Mon, 02/01/2010 - 2:23pm

I, too, have experienced this.

Nightly bed routine - SS5/6 lay on living room floor, us on the couch. Sometimes we take turns laying with them on the floor. They watch wonder pets till 8, we all do good night kisses, and FH tucks them both in bed. Occassionally FH will lay w the oldest and talk about things at school or his mom.

During the night, usually at midnight, SS5 comes into our room. One of us will carry him back to bed, say good night, and that's it. We have watched super nanny and practice her technique of walking back to their bed and not saying anything to them after the second time out of bed.

Morning routine - Our morning routine used to be that both boys would come in our room around 6:30-7 and, like you, have a conversation. Now, 6 months later, they will watch tv until we wake up. Each night before we go to bed, either FH or I will turn the tv to their morning cartoons, turn the volume low, and they simply turn the tv on. It's already set for them to go! FH also leaves a pallot on the floor by the bed so if they do come in our room, they can sleep on the floor, still close to their dad. But it keeps me from getting kicked out!

This took 6 months to get to. It took compromises and communication for me and FH first then his willingness and guidance to teach his sons how to do these routines. One step at a time was introduced. Now, only SS5 really comes to sleep on the floor by us, and he is slowly weaning from that, too. Just give it some time