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HELP!!! Need advice about SD8 - patience is fading fast

Minky's picture

Submitted by Minky on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 7:11am

Sad Hi there
I'm a Step Mom to a little girl who is almost 8 years old and I am really struggling to keep an open mind. She is a very whiny individual, creating drama about absolutely everything and has to constantly complain about something, even if there is nothing to complain about. We have also discovered that she is going through phase of telling lies. Any help and/or advise would be greatly appreciated! To add misery to the mix, the BM is not a stable individual, that treats her daughter more as a sounding board than a child and tells her way too much information.

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Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 9:41am

WELCOME!! This is all very common (sadly)

What does biodad say about all this? Is he on the same page as you that lying and whining are unacceptable behaviours? Or does he make excuses for her "she's just a kid" "she'll grow out of it" "she's been through alot" etc.

This is the KEY focus point that will predict whether or not your relationship with everyone involved will stand the test of time.

Read up on PAS (parental alienation syndrome) as well!!

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 12:24pm

I agree that this is common. I have one 9 and one almost 8 year old daughters,and I was just telling my girlfriend last night that 7 is a tough age for girls to me. (She has a 7 year old too). They are mouthy and whiny, difficult to please and always mad about something. My older daughter has stopped acting that way 9 (a little break before the teenage years I guess). But we for SURE don't let them get away with it. I know it is even harder when they are not your BIO kids, but just know, it is very normal for that age. They aren't babies anymore, but they aren't big girls either.

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 2:33pm

I don't have a lot of advice as my SD is only 6. But I can see this is the direction we're heading because BM tells SD way too much already, also. In our situation I think we just need to be positive role models. Show them what a healthy "mother"-daughter relationship should be about, give advice to her, but don't treat her like a friend. She needs to know that a certain level of respect is maintained in your house. Don't get caught up in the differences between your household and BM's...we have different rules everywhere we go in life (a different classroom teacher every year, different jobs, etc), they can adapt to different rules/expectations of behaviors at your houses. Like I said, be a healthy, respectable role model and model behaviors for her. Give her alternatives to how she should handle situations she gets so dramatic/worked up about -- "You reacted like ___ when that happened, but I think that if you would have ____ you might feel better about it now."

Crush's picture

Submitted by Crush on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 4:15pm

I can relate my SD is 10 but I've been living with her since she was 7. Sad to say I still haven't figured out how to deal with her...Almost every day I face some issue with her. Good luck though hope your SD's issues don't go on as long as my SD's have!

on the fence's picture

Submitted by on the fence on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 4:23pm

Auteur nailed it as always. Guilty dads will let the kids make life a living hell for you. You have to have a talk with him about what is acceptable and what isn't and agree on some ground rules. BM is not helping of course, but you can insist on certain behaviour in your house. This might be hard for SD to accept at first and if daddykins is guilty and buckles easily it won't help anyone.