Divorce Final, Custody battle not final and i'm scared
My boyfriend and his now ex-wife had their final hearing in September, but at that time he contested the children's schedule because we no longer felt it was in the best interest of the children to be in a 50-50 split.
The BM has borderline personality disorder, was committed last December when my bf broke things off with her. She just lost her job but does have a new one, albiet an hour and a half away. She was evicted and is now living in my boyfriend's house that is awaiting a short sale, with her sister-in-law and two other children, who also was evicted. She is planning on moving an hour away from us (my boyfriend lives with me) and the children's school because that is the only place that would take 5 people and 5 dogs with two evicted people. I might add that the new house will be in the exact opposite direction of her job, putting her 2.5 hours away from her new job, although she intends to find a new one closer to her new residence.
The judge in the final hearing granted the divorce and set up a mediation for the schedule for November 5th, and said that if you can't come to a decision then, that the court would make a decision. However, in the mean while the BM has been running around accusing us of taking the children away from her, and when we comment on things like making sure she has given us school information or taking care of the older child's homework, she freaks out and sends barraids of texts our way.
She is trying to bully us into talking with her before hand, "the mediation won't be enough time", and she also has said she refuses to settle for anything but 50-50. But at this point that means the poor kids will be in the car for almost 3 hours a day when going to school, not to mention the instability surrounding her entire life.
I am at my witts end, and i'm trying to do all the preparation I can for my boyfriend for the mediation to ensure that if she cannot comprimise that the courts will favor on our side.
Any resources or advice would be appreciated!
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What is the current schedule
What is the current schedule for the kids until mediation? When is the mediation?
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“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
So you guys are going for
So you guys are going for full custody? I think you will win. I say that with my fingers crossed because I can't imagine a judge would see fit for her to have any type of custody, other than visitation, with these kids. You two have the stabe home, enviroment, jobs, etc. You clearly are in the best interest of the kids. I think you'll win and I would fight for it.
The current schedule was
The current schedule was based around her old employment, where we would have them one week Wednesday to Saturday, then the following week Tuesday to Saturday. It made it about 50-50 time. Although if we look back over the last 9 months, we've had them more than that due to her need to go to paintball games (for her "mental health") and due to all her financial problems - being evicted, going to court, etc.
At the divorce hearing, the judge ordered to keep the "status quo" until the mediation which is going to happen on November 5th. She will be moving,or able to move into her new place on November 1st (when her new lease starts), and has to be out of the house she is in now by November 13th.
What we are going to try to get at the mediation is the kids during the school week, and letting their mom have them on the weekends. Because she is going to live so far away. Then we're going to make some adjustments so she has them a little more time during the week in the summer. But we won't let her have them more than 4 days a week just for their mental health. The first day they come back is always such a disaster. They are both obstinant and argumentative, and the youngest is exhausted because the bm lets him stay up too late, and lets him get out of bed and night and come to her. So the first evening is always damage control, so we can't see letting them go longer with her, even in the summer.
What we truely feel would be in the best interest of the kids is for us to have full custody, allowing her visitation. But she will fight, and we don't necessarily want to go into a full court battle. We're finding however that the way the Colorado forms are set up, it doesn't really look like they separate legal custody from physical anyways. They make you list who has decision making on certain issues, and we made sure we had decision making on medical, which has proved to do us no good, because she takes them to the doctor and ER without our consent (and unnecessarily), but the bill comes back to us since we have the insurance. It seems like even if you have more right in the paperwork, the bm does whatever she wants anyways.
So right now we're just preparing our arguments for the kids not making the hour drive back and forth every day for school on the current schedule. It is so frustrating.