Err, I am just so angry and depressed lately. I was suppose to be taking SD14, just her and I, for an outing this weekend, but now I don't think that is going to happen. Why? Well, if you read my blog yesterday, you will know. SD16 needs over $100 for school because she had to switch classes. My thought is... Oh well, but I know DH will be mad if we still go. I don't care though, that girl ruins EVERYTHING! I am so sick of it. To be honest it is only her fault to a degree. If DH would stop tip toeing around her a$$ and act like a parent (OR BM!) she would not be this way. It was how she was raised. Don't get me wrong, I know most of the issues in my home are "marital" and "parenting" problems, I know that, but I am just sick of everything. I have a 14 month old with DH, but, as horrible as this sounds, he is not the reason I stay. I stay for SD14. I can't imagine life without her. I love her like a daughter. I have only known her for 4 years, but she is MY daughter, how do you walk away from that??

I am so depressed right now. I just don't know where to turn. DH won't talk about anything, and if he does, he just gets defensive and walks away. When he finally does talk, he agrees with everything I say just to shut me up, and then after a week or two... same ole' same ole'. I just don't know that I can keep dealing with paying the price (literally and emotionally) because of BM, DH, and SD16.

There was a blog a few days ago, maybe last week about throwing the "I will leave" card around. I too, have used it too much. It doesn't even faze him. I think it is time to up the ante, and place the bet. I just don't know how to because of SD14. She will be devastated, as will I. Not that I think DH would keep me from seeing her, but she will still see it as me leaving her. I know she will. She is very sensitive, and I don't want to hurt her. Plus, between Monday nights with her aunt, Tuesday and Thursday evenings and every other weekend with BM, not much time for visiting SM.

I am young, pretty, smart, and kind (not to toot my own horn) and deserve more. I know I deserve more. I just wish it was DH that could give it to me, but I really don't know that he can....