Your post left me speechless.

I realize that we're all here to vent and since I haven't walked a mile in your particular shoes, I can't judge you. However, there are a few red flags that ( being an outsider )I was able to pick up on in your post that might merit some soul-searching on your part:

1. " He has two outside kids".

~ That statement tells me that while you might love the man, you have never accepted the fact that you married a 'total package' rather than just an individual. You promised to love him, for better or worse. Sometimes one must search for the 'better' while the 'worse' stares them right in the eye.

2. " My step daughter mother died when she was two and the family is out to get us. My stepdaughter is bad ass hell she is six and has been kicked out of fours schools".

~Has the child ever received counseling to deal with the tremendous loss of her mother? It seems to me that she's acting out for a reason. Sometimes negative attention is better than none at all and it seems from your post that having her around is more of a burden for you than a joy, which I'm sure that the 6 year old picks up on. Children can be very receptive. Also the dialogue that you used in your post leads me to believe that colorful language is the norm at your house, in which case a child learns from what he/she sees on a regular basis. You can't fault her for that.She's only 6 and very impressionable.

3. " Her aunt called DSS on my husband and I saying that I beat the little girl. Which was later found out to be a lie and DSS dropped the chargers.The aunt is always taken us to court to get custody because my step daughter gets a check every month."

~I believe that the child's Aunt is genuinely concerned for the well-being of her niece. It can't be about the monthly check if she keeps initiating the court proceedings that you claim to not be able to afford. If she can afford an attorney, it can't be about the money for her. From what you posted, the animosity situation between you and the SD has become apparent to others outside of your home as well as within your walls.

4." My stepson has a different mother and we do not speak. My stepson is very disrespectful and also have behavior issues."

~Being 16 is a rough age in general and I'm sure that by this point, he knows exactly how you feel about the whole situation. It could be WHY he's so disrespectful ( or it could be just because he's 16 ). Respect goes both ways, regardless.

5. " His family is very rude to me and do not like our child that we have together."

~You have to ask yourself WHY you feel that they treat you rudely. What have you done to make the general consensus dislike you, as a group of people normally don't feel that way unless they have been given a sound reason. Do they feel that you favor your child over your DH's 'outsider' children?

6. " We have split up many of times because of all the issues that we have but I really love this man.I have alot of hate in my heart towards him, his family and kids. "

~There is such a thin line separating love and hate.You care but are deeply conflicted. In essence, you're putting him in the middle of a battle against his family and children and his wife. Sadly, a situation like this probably won't end well for you, especially if he knows that you hate everyone else that he holds near and dear to himself. It's just a no-win kind of thing.

7. " I have asked my husband to give custody of his daughter up so we could have a life."

~I have serious issue with this one. How could you ask such a thing of your DH while professing to love him? He was a parent before you two met and as you know as a parent yourself, how hard it would be for him to turn his back on his own flesh and blood, especially when the child has lost her other parent. Would you be able to do the same if the scenerio was reversed?

8. " Should I leave or stay??"

~ Only YOU can answer that one. Your situation probably won't miraculously differ if you stay without counseling. Perhaps over time you'll learn to accept those things which cannot be changed. Or not.But either way, you must choose for yourself whether the situation that you find yourself in will help or hinder you in becoming the person that you have the potential to be. You have to decide if it will all be worth it in the end or if you're prolonging the inevitable. The choices that you make will impact many people to varying degrees. Please take that thought into consideration as well.

Good luck!

*How can she possibly resist the maddening urge to erradicate history at the mere push of a single button? The beautiful, shiny button? The jolly, candy-like button? Will she hold out, folks? Can she hold out?*

in order.

I have a questions for you. Are you part of the solution or are you the biggest part of the problem?

Now for the rest of of my opinion.

First, sue the Aunt for harassment, fraud, libel, slander, and anything else you can think of to shut her up and get her back in her hole where she belongs.

A 6yo is not inherently bad. IMHO once you get the WombClan out of the picture you will have a shot at creating a relationship with the little girl and getting her incorporated in to your family. The WombClan will probably get visitation but it should be limited and your DH needs to hold strictly to any Court Order that is implemented for WombClan visitation with the SD.

As for the SS. 16yo boys are 16yo boys and most of them think that they know everything and can go through life with their heads up their asses. I know because I was one once. It took a decade or two for my butt hole to tighten up from how far my head had it stretched out (figuratively of course, I am not that flexible). Your job as his StepMom and your DH's job as his Dad is to guide him to viable adulthood. IMHO this cannot be done if you are not being adult about your relationship with him and if your and DH are not on the same page on a path forward for SS-16. This won't be an easy thing but the only way it can possibly work is if you and DH are on the same page and you are BOTH commited to being the adults in the family.

I believe that your blended family situation can be salvaged and actually become a positive thing for all of you. Your SD-6 has no BM. That makes you her Mom. You are the only Mom she has so act like it. Your SS-16 is a teen boy. Be the adult, support your husband rather than putting him in the position to have to choose between you and his children with you and his older children.

One thing that I learned early in my marriage is that I am my Wife's husband and her partner. It is my job to augment her life. I am not her life and she is not mine. We are better together but we are great in our own right. If I had decided 15yrs ago to force her to continually choose between her (our) then 15mo old son and me, at best we would not be married now, at worst I would have made the post that you started this thread with.

As a husband and a Dad (Step) I can assure you that you and your joint child are the focus of his life. But no more so that his other two children. Why on God's earth would you force your DH to choose between his children and his wife? There is no need to choose. There is, however, a need for the two of you to sit down and put an executable plan together on how the two of you and your child and the 2 Skids are going to become a family together.

Maybe you should try changing your perspective on this a bit. Instead of being a juvenile drain on the man, step up, be the adult, be his partner and a parent to his children instead of a second juvenile for him to deal with. He already has one 16yo pain in the ass, why should he have to put up with the Pick Me, Pick Me crap from his wife? He already picked you. He married you and had a child with you. He needs your help to be the best Dad he can be to all of his children and the best husband he can be to you. So help him.

Instead of asking why his kids are screwed up, sit him down and ask him what you can do to help so that the two of you can make a viable blended family together. You may not fix every blended family problem you face but you will fix some of your marriage issues. And that IMHO IS the problem.

Just my thoughts of course.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

I like this advice 110% Rags...glad you were brave enough to say it.
"Maybe you should try changing your perspective on this a bit. Instead of being a juvenile drain on the man, step up, be the adult, be his partner and a parent to his children instead of a second juvenile for him to deal with"

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha