I can't help but let the ex get to me
Ok, so if you dont know my situation the DH is deployed and i have visitation with my SD ordered by the Court, legal and everything. But EVERY time she visits she lets stuff leak. Last time it was that the Ex (her mom) was going to hit me if i ever tried to talk to her again at the custody change and that her mom was calling my child fat. Well I get her tonight and she tells me that she was in a play today at school. By order of the court, i am supposed to be notified 48 hours in advance of school functions. GGGRRRRRR. My question is, how do people like this get away with EVERYTHING??? She has been doing this to us for 3 years now!!! I am really getting to the point where I just want to throw up my hands and quit. If I EVER left him it would be because of all of this. I am just so fed up with her and her childish ways. Thanks for the vent, the only other thing I think would help now is some punching bag therapy. Maybe I should invest in one.
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i forgot to say
that the EX has also started driving by our house everytime the SD is here for visitation. I will be soooo glad when the DH gets in on leave on the 21st.
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I want to know the same thing!
HOW THE HELL do these women get away with 1/2 of the crap they pull??
We are trying to figure that out right now.
Apparently it is just fine for these bio moms to USE the children, take an active role in Parental Alienation, LIE to the children, involve the kids in adult issues, etc.
It is really taking its toll on me as well.
Stand your ground
The only true way BM will win is for you to either sink to her level by acting out in response to her antics, or by allowing her to get to you, which is her point. I know, believe me, I truly know how hard it is to deal with a crazy or mean BM, I do it every single day. But, you are better than her! There is nothing that drives BM crazier than me just ignoring her and pretending that she doesn't exist or bother me at all.
Hang in there! I tell myself that every day, and hope that I can at least offer the support to you in return. Keep being the great person that you are...you're a gift to your DH and skid!
We make it a point to not
We make it a point to not rely on the mom to keep us up to date on the kids. My bf is deployed now also, and i keep in touch with the kids progress in school thru emails with the teachers. Before he deployed, we went and met with the new teachers, and exchanged contact information. I get the kids EOWE, and they also keep me up to date on stuff that is going on with then. I don't have any problems with the BM, and it's a win win for everyone. I get the kids, BF gets peace of mind, and BM doesn't have to worry about finding a sitter while she's at work.
I totally agree
that she is just trying to get to me. But what am i supposed to do?? Of course it wasnt like this when DH was home. I didnt have to deal with her, he did it. The part that really frustrates me the most is that she violates the court orders over and over and over again. Why do people not see that the Moms can be wrong too? I'm a Mom and i know i have been in the wrong a few times, but not like this. Its incredible!
He comes back
on Thanksgiving for a 2 week R&R. Then he goes back overseas and wont be back til probably around May/June. We have kept journals for 3 years now, when we call, when we get to talk to her, everything that happens. When we went to get my visitation before he left, the Judge said he had never done a case like this and it was very interesting situation. Nevertheless, he gave me the standard every other weekend and holidays until DH get back. The Judge said in court last time that he was pretty sure he could see how the BM really was so we are hoping when the deployment is over that he will see that she is still continuing her ways.
you have to try to remember
you have to try to remember this lady is MORE jealous of you then you are of her. YOU are in HER childs life and shes not going to let ANYONE forget that shes MOM not us...RIGHT?? think about it the, BMs are so insecure about it that have no other defenses but to be B*#$@ES
I find it more helpful to laugh about the stupid things they say and do then cry.don't get me wrong i hate my SS mom to, but theres not a lot i can do.you should of just told your SD that if your mom would of informed us you had a play like she was suppose to do we wouldn't of missed it for the world, turn the blame (discreetly) back on mom.
thats exactly what i did
i told her that she was a part of our family and our lives too and that ANY time there was something going on and i knew about it that i would be there. This BM is the one who found out i w3as helping with the Halloween party and deliberately kept the SD out of school that day. So I just helped anyway.. lol. I sincerly think that she does these things bc she wants DH back.
What are you supposed to do? - go about your life...
Just go about your life and do what you want to do for your skids, live your life the way you normally would, and don't let BM affect your actions or schedule. Yes, I know that it is impossible to not let her make you want to pull your hair out and be emotionally upset, but like I said before, don't let her see that. Just act like you don't notice her antics. She will continue to bother you more and more if she sees that it hurts you or makes you break. Be better, stronger, and that will make her see that she can't get to you.
I know that it is easier said than done, for sure...my SD's BM is a psycho and she voilates court orders all the time and harasses us, even after five years! Sadly, it got consistently worse for 4 years, but now it is finally subsiding a little. I think that BM will test and try to do what she can to hurt you, but your perserverance will eventually win out if you stand your ground. BM wants you to suffer and sink to her level. Do what is right, and show her that you will not be a player in her game. That's what I try to do, even though some days I want to deck her upside the head.
If BM is dangerous though or threatening in breaking the law or violating the court orders, then I would call the police, but I would not fight with her directly. She could make up lies or say you did something you did not do. Play that safe and tell the police and let them handle it. I do not argue or fall into those traps. Plus, BM will know better than to mess with you if you call the police. You can always warn her first and tell her if she keeps violating a court order, you will notify the authorities. Then, she can't say she didn't know. I have had to resort to that since BM was following me around town (how psycho) and throwing rocks through my windows, and even running around my house shouting or calling and calling like the wacko she is. I am sorry this is so difficult for you. Just be smart about it and don't let BM put you in a bad position, especially without DH around. But, stay strong and vent here anytime, if it helps! We're here for you and we understand!