All I can suggest is be honest with the counsellor before you go into these play sessions. You only get out the quality of what you put into counselling, so don't hold back for fear of being judged, please, they are going to understand that you've pulled back from SD7 because there's only so long a person can keep offering love & get rejected (and if they don't get that, then demand to see their certificates, cos it could be that they're hockem!)

I think it's rediculous that a counselor would make you do something like that anyhow. But honestly, if they are experienced in step family issues, they will understand where you are coming from!

This may sound harsh and I may get some criticism for my opinion but please understand I don't mean to offend or hurt you. I've read your blog entries and empathize with your frustration and feelings of helplessness with SD. You've been placed in the position of having to raise a child who's not your own, with what seems to be very little support from your DH. I understand why you're upset; this little girl isn't easy to raise and your strained relationship with her makes it that much more difficult.

That being said, I feel compelled to respond on behalf of your SD. She knows you're upset with her. She feels your irritation. You seem to have no love for this child and this is why she's avoiding you. She knows it. I think you know it too and that's why you're nervous about the therapy session.

I feel sad for you and for your SD. You need to feel supported by your DH in raising her together and she needs to feel loved by both primary caregivers. Your wanting nothing to do with her is damaging to her. Emotionally disengaging from a child who lives with you full-time may alleviate some of your own stress but it will hurt her and set you up for major problems later on.

Is there any way you can forgive this little girl for what she's done so far? Could you find it in your heart to give her a fresh start? From what you've said, it sounds like she could have some attention problems. Could that be why she hasn't always responded when you've called her? Kids need constant positive reinforcement and instruction; could it be that your expectations of her are too high?

Trust the counsellors to help you with this. There is no shame in not bonding with a difficult child. Let them see the strain in your relationship and let them help you work it out, for your sake and for the sake of this little girl, who really isn't at fault here. This could be the start of a breakthrough that will improve your regard for her and her response to you. It's not too late to have a healthy relationship with her. It is possible to find solutions, with help.

Just my opinion. I sincerely wish the very best for all of you.

Selkie is right but it doesn't mean that how you feel is wrong either. I went through the same thing (still going through it to an extent) where I interacted with my SS10 as little as possible and he lives with us full time. My being standoffish didn't help the situation. I thought by dealing with him as little as possible that I was doing us all a favor but in fact, the tension it created was immense. I couldn't even stand to be in the car with him on the way back from dropping off BD11. I listen to music alot anyway, with both kids in the car, but it was definitely very awkward with just him. He didn't talk to me much either in response to the way I was being with him. I have my reasons, all of which to me are valid, for feeling the way I did. But when I saw how sad FH was about it and how much it sucked that I chose to be away from the house as soon as FH got home, I realized that I needed to get help. So I resumed counseling for ME for MY feelings and MY difficulties as a stepmom. It was really hard, and I didn't think we could have a normal relationship, but things are much better. I can actually converse with SS10 without feeling fake about it. Even little things, like saying goodbye to him and not just FH when I left to go work out, helped. As I let my wall down, he responded by interacting with me more. We had one thing we both enjoyed (cute video game) and I used that as our common ground and it really helped to thaw the ice between us. Now, granted, I still get annoyed when he throws tantrums and is otherwise disrespectful, I do feel 100% less awkward around him and he knows he feels the same about being around me. I would suggest having counseling just for YOU. Someone to listen to YOU and YOUR issues. It helped me tremendously. She needs to continue counseling too. And another important part is your DH needs to be supportive of YOU during this and NOT make things harder for you because it is REALLY hard, dealing with a child who isn't yours and who has treated you the way she has. I know, SS10 started ignoring me too as a response to whatever crap BM was filling his head with. That and the fact that he never had any strict rules or structure before I moved in. Anyway, I feel for you, I REALLY do and I understand why you feel the way you do but remember, you're the adult. That doesn't mean that SD doesn't have to change her behavior but since you are an adult, you are far more capable of taking control of this situation and changing it, if you want. Hope this helps and (((HUGS))). Hang in there...