Keep Trying
DH and I were talking last night, and he was upset that my mom doesn't want to babysit this weekend if SD7 is at home. I said I know it's not good, but he has to try to understand that when you've been treated badly by someone (SD) for so long, it's bound to happen that you don't want to be around that person. It wasn't as bad, but SD7 did the same things to my mom as she did to me...not listening, ignoring, every time my mom even looks at my daughter SD has to get right in there and take the attention away, stuff like that. Since things like this (and worse towards me) have been happening for so long, my mom and I both started to disengage.
Now DH is saying the two people that actually stand up to SD and give her boundaries don't want anything to do with her, so where will she learn it from. Ummm, how about you and her mother?! Anyway, in the end he got back on his usual track of we have to keep trying and blah blah blah. It is always up to me to be the better person, to keep trying even though it gets thrown back in my face.
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It is NOT up to you or your
It is NOT up to you or your mother to teach her basic manners and courtesy. It is up to him and her mother. Besides babysitting a child who ignores you is a safety issue and I would not agree to it under any circumstances. He's trying to "guilt" you into making his problems, your problems. Don't fall for it. Let him know that when HE starts to truly care about his daughter's behavior (proven by his behavior) than you may reconsider, but until then, you will not subject yourself or your mother to her disrespect.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
Your right...dead on! He has
Your right...dead on!
He has to take charge and correct his daughters behavior. She has one father and one mother and a VERY patient step mother. Step mothers are NOT there to relieve the bio moms of their duties, step moms are not there as a nanny/cook/clean/bank/doormat/punching bag to stepkids. and Step moms are not there to pick up the slack for their husbands/partners so that life is made easy for hubby. It would appear to our DH's that there isn't any problems with SKids because they don't deal with the situations, they pass the buck to the step moms. Naturally life is good right? when you pass the responsibilities off to someone else.
" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore
Yeah, that does suck. My
Yeah, that does suck. My family stopped babysitting ss9 because ss9 was treating ME badly. He was fine with them. DH got a little peeved but what does he expect?
Things have changed since then, but I did go through this once too and it isn't your responsibility.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
ha ha I had to comment on
ha ha I had to comment on this one! My SD HATES going to my mom's house. My mom definitely has rules and boundaries and SD cannot walk all over her. SD says it's punishment to have my mom babysit!! I'm trying to find excuses to go out on the weekends when we have her now!! hee hee
That actually sounds like
That actually sounds like the two of you had a pretty productive conversation. A person needs to know when they have a rude child whose behavior is affecting others. Instead of jumping down your throat and getting defensive, or being in denial, he heard you out and acknowledged that his child needs to be held accountable. When a parent has a child with behavioral problems, they should not expect others to be impervious. It sounds like your husband isn't interested in changing the behavior, and expects you to, but its a great step that he admits her behavior is a problem.
"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."