Well the time finally came where I could no longer even be around my bf or his daughter.. Over the holidays and the new year weekend I wanted a peaceful weekend with just my son and I, without the distractions, the antics coming from SD, and honestly just baring witness to the dysfunction and inappropriate relationship between her and her father. So that's exactly what I did and all hell broke loose because of it. Apparently her father just felt soooo neglected by me, which I could understand but on the other end I can also understand that I have dealt with this for almost 4 years now, and I am just too tired at this point. Too tired, and too irritated. I can't even be in their house without feeling a heavy energy, which wears off onto my son. When we are over there, his daughter is RELENTLESSLY antagonizing my son, will not respect his space or give it to him, she is loud, interrupting him, plotting on ways to get him in trouble. She will wait for her Dad to enter the room, provoke my son, my son will ask her to stop and her dad doesn't turn around she starts with her "Dada, _____ is doing this" and I have to stop her and tell him what is actually happening and stand my ground or he won't take my son seriously because she is just suuuuuuuuch a victim. Its insane to me, that she literally puts people through this to get sympathy and attention from her DADA. The fact that she even calls him that in that disgusting baby voice makes my fucking skin crawl. My son is 6-7 months older than her and he doesn't talk this way, he doesn't call his dad DADA or use baby voices. I have always supported his independence as he gets older, and allow natural evolution to happen because as much as I grieve his baby years, I do not care to keep him hindered, or his mindset at a toddler's while he isn't once. It's disgusting to me that fathers allow this to happen to their daughters. It's also ALARMING and down right weird. I've been saying for years that something is completely off about this child, there's this blank dark look in her eyes 24/7 where she has absolutely no emotion or empathy for people or for how her actions affect other people. The few times I've seen her father discipline her for her behavior towards me and my son, which I honestly think he did just to impress me or keep me from leaving, she would turn around and laugh in his face when he would explain to her that it affects us, hurts us, or him. She LOVES sitting in the corner, discipline has no effect on her. It's like a convicted felon that keeps going back to prison because they're comfortable with the consequenes as long as they are fulfillfed and feel instant gratification on their fucked up actions. And that's nothing against felons, I know a lot of AMAZING people that have turned their lives around and made great futures for themselves. That's just an example I can think of off the top of my head. Somebody that just doesn't give a fuck. Because she couldn't make it more clear that she doesn't. When I was over there, her room still smelled like nasty strong urine, their house is disgsuting and the only time it gets cleaned is if I bitch about it. It use to be clean all the time when I lived there, keep in mind this was my house too that we got together but I had to leave due to a DV case that was started between us after he had hit me in the face in front of my son because of me trying to address the situation with his daughter. Yes this is a man that has punished me instead of his daughter, that happened for quite some time. Hasnt happened since but I also have not been around him longer than 2 days twice a week since then, because I can hardly last that long in their presence and now it's down to 0. Now that I've pretty much put my foot down on this being done, hes telling me hes going to look into getting her evaulated and checked out for her mental state. I honestly think shes a mini narcissist, along with an insane case of mini wife. I doubt theres any hope, and I'm sure now that we wont be together he will not follow through on getting her help. But that's for him to deal with now. I am angry at myself for putting myself through this for this long, and allowing myself to be so bitter and angry that it affects me whenever I have my son. My son does love this man, but this situation is not healthy for us anymore, hasnt been for awhile and I feel so RELIEVED to have finally reached this point. I am not dependent on this man for anything, not financially, I have my own stable home, my own income, my own vehicle, so theres honestly no need for me to be trapped in this unhealthy bullshit. I can't even bring myself to have sex with this man anymore, I'm just so resentful and disgusted. Now I'm just dealing with the "I love you and I've always tried to treat you better than anyone even though I've made mistakes" and that manipulative bullshit. I'm so thankful for this forum and this community, it's probably one of the only things that has made me feel better and kept me from losing my shit, other than my son. And even as a mother, I try to not burden him, with keeping me sane, or taking care of me in any way, because that is MY JOB as his mother, not his job as my child. My son owes me nothing but I owe him everything. Thank you all so much for the replies on past posts, for not judging and reading these long ass blogs. I'm so fucking happy I don't have to dread the DADA every 2 seconds, the waiting outside the bedroom and bathroom doors, the weirdness of their relationship, the emotional incest which is so vile to witness, the inappropriate bullshit on her part, the infatuation and obsession she has with her dad and being his second gf at 6 FUCKING YEARS OLD. The peeing, the lying, the sneaking, the plotting, targeting me and my son, stealing my stuff out of the bathroom, the pulling her shorts up to underwear and her shirts up to be crop tops in front of her dad, the lack of basic hygiene, the constant DADAAAAA I HAVE TO POTTY and going in there and faking it, just to turn around and pee in her room, and lie about that too. The ignoring my son when he expresses that it bothers him, the victimizing, the demanding of me to bond with her and do things with her and have a relationship with her which is IMPOSSIBLE. I catered to that girl for YEARS, I let her call me mommy, I bought her clothes, did her hair, took her on girls days, did everything I could to try to prevent this from happening and it just made her more possessive of her dad and obsessed with competing with me. So why would I bother? Why would I waste another few years on trying to fix something that clearly cannot be fixed? Why is it up to me anyway when it's HIS CHILD. Why are step mothers or the Gf's that step up to the mother role always blamed and responsible for this? IT'S NOT OUR FUCKING FAULT AND IT'S NOT OUR FUCKING CIRCUS NOR ARE THEY OUR FUCKING MONKEYS. To a point they are but the bottom line is we are not the biological parents and most of have our own biological children that need us to be in that role. How fucking dare people burden us with this shit when they won't even correct their childs behavior. I warned him this would happen, now those behaviors have turned into her ENTIRE personality and god is it an ugly one to witness. 

Another thing that finally drew the line, was me waking up in the middle of the night to her dad fondling me while he was pleasuring himself while I was SLEEPING. I have not been over there since, and I refuse. Of course that was followed with a guilt tripping ass apology, about how he was self serving and didn't consider my feelings or trauma and he is sooo sorry and loves me. IDGAF. SO FUCKING NOT OKAY. I will never be able to get over that, I will never look at him the same. I will never be sexually comfortable with him ever again. So yeah, when I say it's over it's pretty much over. It has to be. And I'm so relieved. I don't care how good somebody thinks they treat me. What because you don't hit me anymore, or yell at me, or "I'll do whatever you ask you know that" kind of attitude, or your freak obsession with me and my body, or you never cheating on me, that encompasses treating me better than anyone ever will? In what world? Explain why the fuck I feel this way if that's the case? I'm realizing that I've just been manipulated and too scared to leave because my son loves him, but my son will be okay, he will adjust. My son is too young to know the reasons why I can't be with this man anymore, and I'm not going to traumatize him or confuse him trying to make him understand them. If the time ever comes and I ever have to explain it to him, it'll be when hes older and he has the mental capactiy to understand and make sense of it, and where it doesn't taint the innocence he has left. My son loves him because he's the only man I've been with since his father, the ONLY relationship and his father and I ended things when he was a baby, and now we have an AMAZING coparenting relationship. I adore my sons father, not in a romantic way but I adore the father that he is to my son and the bond that they have and now present and active he has been in my sons life the whole way through. I couldn't have chose a better father for my child, he's one of the greatest things I've ever given him. In the end, my son will be fine. He has us. At the end of the day that's all he needs.. he knows that.. More love is better, yes but not if that love comes with a major price, and is not actually healthy.

If any of you are able to leave, and have been looking for a reason, well theres your reason. My advice, is if you feel in your heart it won't get better, it probably wont and that is your mothers intuition telling you what you may not be ready to accept or want to accept but I can assure you, leaving always seems like the hardest thing in the world to do, until you do it. And that is directed more towards marriages/relationships where the child will not be out of the home for another 10+ years. Please don't put yourself through a lifetime of agony. It's not worth it. I feel stupid for the last 4 years I've wasted, and luckily that isnt a lifetime and if I didn't get pushed to this point, it probably wouldve been. And I would have looked back on my life with so much regret and so much resentment. Towards myself mostly, for not listening to my instincts, and second guessing myself.

Love you all xoxo