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Being NCP sucks

MamaBecky's picture

Submitted by MamaBecky on Thu, 10/13/2011 - 1:05pm

Yeah you know...but it's still frustrating. We dont get any information. BM sits home on the couch and the papers come to her...she can sit there and smoke and read the little fliers and then throw them out never giving them a second thought...and never thinking maybe she could let DH or I know. I have to be diligent and check websites regularly, call and make appointments for DH, and stay on top of it....parenting events get to just happen to her.

School pictures - I'm sure notifications went home. I only know about them because I read it on the school website. I never got an order form. I asked SD to be sure to bring me one....she said ok...but she didn't. Pic day comes and goes. SD says she didn't like the pics that the school takes and wants re-takes. OK. I told her to be sure to get the retakes done and then let me know. She said she would bring me an order form. She texts me this morning to tell me that she needed payment today so she couldn't get retakes. PAYMENT FOR WHAT?! I've never even seen an order form or a picture. Ugh.

I just made an appointment with a local photographer...problem solved, but really...it would be nice to be able to do things and get information (and not half-assed partial information) the easy way....and by that I mean holding the couch down and eating bon bons.

Conferences are in a week. I bet you BM or SD wont even mention it to us...BM wont, hoping that we dont know and wont attend so that she can be super involved mom (yea right) but lo and behold I have been paying attention (as usual) and we will be attending.

Comments

overit2's picture

Submitted by overit2 on Thu, 10/13/2011 - 3:32pm

Question, why are YOU bending backwards to be involved and stay on top of things if your dh isn't? Wouldn't be his job as NCP to stay involved and request this stuff?

MY personal experience-most NCP dont' want to be bothered w/this stuff-they only do once they are re-married, which means to me the wife is pushing to be more involved.

It's possible your skids and bm don't give a second thought of sending papers/flyers to you guys because he wasn't involved before or never asked for it?

Personally, my ex never asks for this stuff nor would care to pay for anything either...I know my bf doesn't ask his ex for that stuff nor cares to pay for extras like pictures either, neither of them stay on top of parent conferences...so I won't offer to go out of my way to create MORE work and heartache and frustration for myself then I already have by pushing my ex to want these things-or by telling bf he should go after those things.

Each parent chooses their level of involvement-as mothers and women we want to 'take charge' of things we really don't need to, and give us more headache-if your dh wants these things? Let him deal w/the bm....somehow I doubt he really might even care to deal with it. There's a a certain level of detachment of daily life/responsibilities/education with NCP I've noticed..not saying right or wrong, it is what it is, and partially circumstancial and understandable. Just re-examine WHY you are upset and WHO is wanting/requesting this information...you or the non-custodial parent?

My opinion is don't invite more stress into your life that you don't need.

MamaBecky's picture

Submitted by MamaBecky on Thu, 10/13/2011 - 4:00pm

I'm not upset...just venting. I want the information for my DH because he needs the information...I dont care if he wants it or not. He wants to be a good dad...these are the steps he has to take. It's not just weekend visits with pizza and video games at our house.

I bend because I love my SD and she deserves to have her dad in her life. I do it because I love my husband and choose to support him in his role as father because he is flawed and he does need the support and help. If he were married to or lived with BM he would still be a dad and be less involved with these things...and BM would do it as part of her mom role. He is not with her and he still will not do these things he is not going to take on that mom role. I am the mom in my house (by choice!) and I will do these things because that is my role. I choose to. He appreciates it. He does not want to be bothered, as most dads dont, with the paperwork, and the scheduling, the ordering....but he appreciates that I take care of it and enable him to be a better father because as a dad he still wants to know whats going on in school and have this years pic of her in his wallet. I tell him what event is when, when to be there, and what to wear. (not really but kinda..you get my drift..lol) If he did not appreciate it, or want to do these things he would have told me (and has on a cpl of occasions)...and that was fine. I am a take charge mama....but that is one of the reasons that my DH picked me not only to be his wife but also to be his child's other mom when they are in his care. One of the smartest decisions he ever made if I do say so myself.