Freudian Slip?: My own mother refers to BM as DH's "wife"
This nonsense has been going on for YEARS now. I need advice.
DH and I have been married for two months, and have been living together for about three.
My OWN mother still refers to BM as DH's wife, as in: "When is DH's wife coming to get the kids?" OR "I hope DH's wife isn't dragging you back into court again."
They have been divorced since before SS2 (about to be three) was even born.
Yes, we started dating before the divorce was finalized. HOWEVER, he was out of the house and had filed for divorce. Additionally, THAT WAS LIKE FOUR YEARS AGO!
I get mad every time she does it because I AM DH'S EFFING WIFE. Then she gets defensive and says it's a slip of the tongue. But it's been going on for years, and she has done it in front of the skids, which is not okay because it's freaking confusing to them.
In the beginning, my mother was exceptionally angry with me for seeing a married man even though he had already filed for divorce and was out of the house. She felt sorry for BM for having a horrible cheating husband, and was angry at me for being a "mistress."
Now she sees who BM really is and loves DH to pieces, but I can't help but think she is still pissed at me on some level and that is why she keeps refering to BM as DH's wife.
Am I totally wrong? And how should I address this issue? I have tried talking to her. Correcting her. Yelling at her. Making fun of her. Politely insisting that she refer to me as the wife.
Nothing seems to work, but it is DRIVING ME INSANE.
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Honestly I would not allow
Honestly I would not allow her near the Skids till it was fixed. My FDH doesnt allow his mother anywhere near any of us. She is evil, nasty, and disrepectful. He told her until she changed and really want to be apart of our life as a family she was to come no where near us. It has worked
It is getting to that point.
It is getting to that point. She also seems to be PASing me specifically with the skids. I just can't get my head around what is going on here because she is generally not a maniupalative or vindictive person. All I can think is that she now sees me as the equivlanet of my father (a cheating, authoritarian, home wrecker) and she feels the need to protect the kids and DH from me in some way.
I don't know. It's just so weird.
Ok that is the worst. My
Ok that is the worst. My father does the same thing but he is 76 yrs old. I always have to say I am his wife. He actually calls my husband by my ex husbands name. I want to die every time he says it. Thank god my husband is so understanding about it.
And my ex mother in law used to call me by my ex's ex wifes name. She still does sometimes. Now she also calls his new wife by his ex's name. Its funny to me now but it was not funny when I was married to my ex because his ex was a crazy bitch.
I would tell her it hurts your feelings and maybe she can use her real name? Like when is josie coming to get the kids.
I hate that too because I hate hearing BM's name but it might be better than wife.
I hate hearing her name, too.
I hate hearing her name, too. It makes me cringe. But I would MUCH RATHER hear that than hear my mom refering to BM as Dh's wife. I don't know why it's so hard not to just say "the kids' mom."
I actually HAVE told her it hurt my feelings, and she said she understood and did not mean anything by it and that she would try to do better in the future.
But then she keeps doing it.
DH's mother calls me by dh's
DH's mother calls me by dh's ex wifes name. It doesnt bother me but then again, she doesnt do it very often. You can take her sentences literally maybe. When she says "when is (insert ex wifes name here) coming to get the kids"? You can say "what do you mean mom? I'm already here with the kids. I'm not coming to get them." She'll have to correct herself eventually.
I like this idea. I'm not
I like this idea. I'm not sure it will fix the problem but it will make me feel alot better and it will give me a way to respond without shouting: "EX! EX! Mom, she's the EX! I AM THE WIFE DAMMIT!"
HELL GG (biodad I live with)
HELL GG (biodad I live with) with whom I have been living with for over eight years now (almost as long as he was married to the Behemoth) and who I refuse to get married to (due to his financial situation; aka bringing home $200 a week after CS and taxes; oh and that little thing about him getting downright physically violent and nasty with me when I breathe a word about "his wife" or the skids) still has ZERO problem with anyone calling the Behemoth his "wife" instead of "ex wife."
I've gotten into MANY arguments with him, usually about the Behemoth and/or the feral skids and to "test" him, I've called the Behemoth "his wife." He never corrects me or views it as an insult. In fact the other day, he told me that he views his ex-MIL (the Wookie, 350 lb controlling battle axe) as more "like family" to him than his own family!!!!
Good luck with trying to correct MIL.
^^^ Great GOOGA MOOGA!!! I
^^^ Great GOOGA MOOGA!!! :jawdrop:
I think I read on a different post that you were trying to get out as soon as you can. I will cross my effing fingers for you because that is RIDICULOUS. Your SO sounds like a POS. What a jackass.
Yes, I'm slowly planning my
Yes, I'm slowly planning my exit. Unfortunately I saddled myself with a money pit of a dump house to be "closer to his kids" (TM) which backfired horribly and was the start of the BM's PAS ramp up.
As soon as the house is sellable and no longer "upside down" we will undoubtedly go our separate ways. It won't be easy for him though b/c he'll need at least two roomates to make up for my income as CS sodomizes him sideways with a 12' pole (takes home $200 a week after CS and taxes in NYS) Oh well, not MY problem!! Shouldn't have bit the hand that fed him!! The Behemoth bites the hand that feeds her (GG) and so GG turns around and bites the hand that feeds HIM (me).
No. You're correct. There is
No. You're correct. There is something really odd going on with her in concern with the skids as well as me right now. I am extremely confused. I think she does have some serious mental health issues due to her relationship with my father, but her craziness has always been aimed at him in the past. It's pretty shocking to find myself in the middle of it especially since I haven't done anything to provoke her.