When a step child leaves.
My SS has lived with us primarly and had visitation with his mom. She had sent him live with us at 7 years old but kept his sister with her. I helped my husband rasie him for 11 years. But for the last 4 years him and sister have been living with us 75% of the time. Their mom sent my SD to live with us in 2020. My SS has always told me ive been more of a mom to him then his own mom. He 18 with 8 months left of high schol. He turned 18 right before returning home. He came home they had did school senior pictures we bought some. My mother in law bought his senior shirt and hoodie. Well after 4 weeks of being home while my husband was at work he recived a text from my SS saying ive been doing thinking and i think its best I move to moms for a fresh start. Follwed by a text saying my mom will be here to get me tomorrow. HIs mom lives 845 miles away. We knew he was going to move with her but he was going to origianlly do it after graduation. So we thought wed have 8 months to spend with him and attend graduation and prepare for his departure. He already knew it would be esier for his mom to come to his graduation in our state but if he graduated in her state we wouldnt be able to attend his gradution. We have my SD and Daughter to finacially take care of as well. With infaltion Money is tight right now so we would have have to choose between paying rent or attend his gradutaion. We spoke with him its basically he can no longer stand seeing a ex gf of a coouple months from his junior year that hes so in love with. A student created a instagram page talking about all the kids at school. They said something about him on it. However the student was found and the page was taken down. Hes worried about school drama he casued his junior year will start in his senior year. He wants to go to a new school where no one knows him. However i dont think thats all of it. We have strucutre and rules but his mom has none lets him vape, drink, and have weed gummies. It seems like hes runnimg from problems instead of facing them and wants to be where the freedom is. Him moving isnt what hurts the most its the way he went about it, He was emotionless when we spoke to him and just said im making an adult decision. He could have given at least one more week for my mom who has helped watch him and his sister to get back in town to do proper goodbyes before he just took off. I get it hes 18 and shit like this happens. But if you would have seen his face when myself, his dad and one of the two sister were in tears youd almost think hes heartless. So since he wanted to leave so bad we told him that well you wnat to make adult decisions "where are you sleeping tonight?" He didnt know so we suggested he call his mom since they already got this all planned out and tell her he needs a hotel for the night. or get a plane ticket. We made sure he had accomidations before he walked out the door, She got him a hotel. But now shes telling everyone he was kicked out. we needed him to get a room becasue if she was going to pick him at our house no one but him would be home and I couldnt trust that they wouldnt steal anything. IT litterally shatterd my heart how emotionless he was. Becasue other times during child exchanges hed cry saying goodbye to his mom. The woman who he flet threw him away, lied and broke promise after promise.
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Don't be surprised if half
Don't be surprised if half way through his sr year.. he has a melt down at mom's and comes back.. either at his own request.. or mom wants to dump him off.
It sounds like he didn't want to face things at school.. obviously the right thing would be for him to learn to deal with adversity.. and finish up.. but he is taking what he thinks is an easy way out.
This is less about you and your family and more about him running from problems...
I think he will find that "where ever he goes.. there he is".. problems often follow us because we feed them
First it’s bad to get too involved with SK
Because you will get hurt in the end. [ see it here time and time again]. Second you have given these kids too much power On where they live. How they move . You give them all the control. Now he's taking coonrtol of his and your life.
He going to live with his BM, the school stuff is just BS. Findungvthrvreal reason could help ? BM promised him a car. , No rules, using his room as a flop house with his GF living with him ?
We all must be careful, blood is thicker then us. What we do from the age of 7 to 17 doesn't matter in there eyes. You keep them from living in a car dies not. Matter. Just what ever fantasy they cook up matters
You did the the right thing.
You did the the right thing. When they play the "I'm making an adult decision" card, out they go. What they so often fail to recognize is that they may be 18 but if they are not self supporting, they get no say except to walk.
I played the "adult decision" card at 16 and that lasted less than 5mins. Rather than tolerate my bullshit I was handed a check for $500, told I was 16 and did not have to go to school, and to write when I got an address but I was on my own. I held that check for a hot microsecond, handed it back, and said "Okay, I'll go to Military School."
In his addled underdeveloped 18yo brain he got kicked out. He will always take that stand. Have the facts ready to rub his nose in as you swat his ass like they used to with a puppy who peed on a rug in the house. Lather..... rinse..... repeat .... for the rest of his life. Do not let his claim to victimhood stand. Ever. Make him and everyone else he tries to sell his delusion to face the facts.
If he tries to come back, I suggest you make him stand on his decision and make sure if BM calls to continually remind her that she came to get him, he is her problem now and if she refuses to deliver on her promise to house and support him for his Sr year, he is 18 and can figure it out for himself.
My Skid was not as stupid as yours is. He knew where his food came from and though he was miserable being our life in beck and call boy/chore bitch after his 18th b-day, he did not leave until we dropped him off to start USAF basic training.
An option your 18yo SS does not yet have because he has no HS diploma.
I know I am a cold hearted individual in many of these situations. But when a kid is as big a dumbass as this one is, their departure is not a heartbreaking thing IMHO. It is a good luck and good riddance thing. Like any breakup, it only hurts the worst for about 3 days. Each day after that it hurts just a bit less untill eventually it is just a periodic unpleasant memory. Do yourself a favor. Don't answer his calls and don't come running to hug and coddle him when he finds reality beyond his capability to deal with. Let him stew and if you are going to respond give it some time for him to experience the consequences of his choices. Respond to texts a day or two later. Respond to V-mail a day or two later and only by text. The sobbing cracking voice pleading is nothing anyone wants to hear. So don't hear it.
You and those on your side of the equation, enjoy your new found peace.
Welcome to the world your man. Buckle up buttercup.
No mention of daddy in any of this? Where is he?
Father’s right there
His did is right there with me. His dad tried to have a conversation with him and tell him he doesn't agree with his decision considering he's only running away from problems he created instead being the adult he claims to be and facing his problems. I haven't seen my husband that hurt in a long ass time. The emotionless face from his son just pushed him over the top and that's when told his son since he wants to make an adult decision that he needs to figure out where he staying that night to call his mom and either get a hotel for the night or find an airline ticket for the night. My husband was definitely hurt the fact that we have raised that boy and then his crappy mother who has treated him bad all these years he has a blind loyalty to her. so she gets to now act like mother of the year because she gets to attend his graduation where my husband can't attend because we would have to choose between putting food on the table or my husband going to his graduation. It's $700 just for my husband to fly to the state he's in to watch him graduate that doesn't include food or hotel. We by far are not rich one bit. My husband was excited to watch him graduate all the effort he has put in raising that boy. He wasn't supposed to move to his mom's until after graduation. His dad was looking forward to being able to spend at least eight months left with him.