His Ex has lost it!!! Help I am drowning in SD's
So DH and I are back from the honeymoon for 7 full days, when we hear that my older SDs 17 and 15 may be living with us full time! :? There mother "abandoned" them while we were on the honeymoon, and they were staying with their grandmother for those two weeks.
SD's 17 and 15 have never lived with DH and I? Now they may be full time??? Can their mother leave them to move to another state with no warning?
To make matters worse, DH wants me to talk to ExWife? Any advice or opinions are appreciated. We also have 50/50 custody of DH's youngest daughter and a two bedroom condo? Did I mention that we are having our first baby together in a few moths (this will be my only child, and DH's 4th). Yikes???
:O Clearly the honeymoon is over!!! At least I still love DH 
- Lovepets's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
OMG - YIKES! I do not have
OMG - YIKES! I do not have experience in this but I would assume that DH should be contacting his lawyer ASAP and possibly "authorities" for documenting BM's actions. IMO I would NOT speak with BM - who knows what is going on with her?! It doesn't seem like any good ever comes from speaking with crazy BM's.
Thank you for the advice, I
Thank you for the advice, I will inform DH that I will not be speaking with his ex.
Thank you Earthshaker, I am
Thank you Earthshaker, I am worried about how hard it will be on SD's and me!
Their grandmother has been watching them and I think it is very strange that she did not tell DH about this situation? The girls (my SD's) and the grandmother all came to our wedding so we all pretty much get along. I feel like this is a set up? So depressing!
My bm did the same thing 3
My bm did the same thing 3 months after marrying Dh SS moved in - I did know about it before but if you did not you tell DH no way - she is doing this to break up your marriage - trust me on this - SS tried very hard and is now living back with BM - don't let them move in!!!!!
Do not speak to BM - can he
Do not speak to BM - can he sue her for child support?
I am sure he can, but I am
I am sure he can, but I am worried this is more of an attempt to break up DH and I then anything?
If they will be staying with us, he will be suing for child support! Thank you karenemoy!
Thank you caregiver, that is
Thank you caregiver, that is what I am worried about!
I told DH, when this was sprung on us, that I may turn out to be someone I don't like because of being thrown into this position (a total bitc-). He is backing me up 100% but it is a huge mess.
Stand your ground - you did
Stand your ground - you did not sign up for 24/7 no matter what anyone on here will say to you - if you had known this I am sure it would have made you rethink the whole marriage thing take it from me SS was 10 and it was not a good situation at 15 and 17 that is teenage hell - it is good that your DH is backing you up 100% believe me his kids would like nothing better than to ruin your life!!
Thank you for understanding!
Thank you for understanding! My mom thinks I am being heartless, but I really would have looked at this whole situation differently if the 24/7 arrangement was ever on the table. DH knew that was not something I was interested in, and to be fair to us, the girls were NOT interested then either.
Thank you! If they must move
Thank you! If they must move in, they will be under "the Stepmonster" rules and guidelines for proper behavior
As long as they are polite and helpful, I am sure we can make the situation work.
Earthshaker, that is my fear!
:jawdrop: Earthshaker, that is my fear! They think that because our condo is close to the beach, and DH and I work until 5 everyday they will be living on easy street. That will not be the case however }:)
What a nightmare. I agree
What a nightmare. I agree with caregiver, you have to calmly but firmly make it clear that having those girls move in under these circumstances would do more harm than good to all parties concerned. You do not have the space, you already have a parenting committment to his younger child, you have the challenges of your first pregnancy and birth to face, and it will cause untold and understandable resentment if the precious first year with your baby is upset by the stresses of suddenly having 2 teenagers living with you, when you have never all lived together before. You would be experiencing the worst teething problems just as you need to be focussing on taking care of and enjoying your baby. It really sounds like the BM is pulling a stunt in order to underline her own resentment and unhappiness at her ex's remarriage. And under no circumstances is it your role to talk to his ex wife. DH should give her a little more time to get over her episode and miss her girls, and if possible let them continue to stay with their grandmother to enable that to happen.
Thank you Bojangles! I agree
Thank you Bojangles! I agree with you completely! I feel like I am the only one looking at the big picture here! I am going to try to see if DH and grandmother can come up with a solution?
Shit bojangles I did not even
Shit bojangles I did not even read about the baby on the way and the young one - yeah no way - they want to wreck the marriage!!!
It is so sad to be right
and above all else, please
and above all else, please please make sure you have a long talk with dh about the rules/guidelines/chores, etc for your home that will need to be in place before they move in. i made a terrible mistake in not doing that, and now have an ss17 that rules the house. make sure you talk it over, write it down, and post it somewhere in the house. when they do move in, the two of you need to go over with it them together, so that they see you are a united front. my dh feels so terribly bad that bm abandoned the kids at age 5 and 3 that he is still trying to play super daddy and give them everything they demand. imagine how fun it is, now that they are 19 and 17
Thank you Grayskies, I will
Thank you Grayskies, I will do this if/when they need to move in with us again :sick:
Do not let them in! Don't
Do not let them in! Don't even let them sleep over. At their ages they drive right? Let them love w grandma, anywhere but with you!
Sixteensmom, you are right
Sixteensmom, you are right on! They just told DH last night that they want to live with Grandma after all this!
I feel bad for DH but as for me 
What does your husband want?
What does your husband want? Can you try to make it work if he does want the children with him? I'm not saying it won't be difficult, I just wished that our BM had decided that our skids should live with us at ANY point in their childhood/teen years.
He did want them and I was
He did want them and I was 100% committed to doing my best to make it work for all five of us, but sadly
they have since decided that they would rather live with their grandmother now. Ps. I love your cat picture Skylarksms!
I NEVER speak with the BM...
I NEVER speak with the BM... there is zero reason for me to. I let my husband handle all of those matters, and my life is pretty stress free. Someone else said it... that you didnt knock her up, he did, therefore it is his responsibilily. Lately I have been on a kick about what is and isnt my responsibility.
Me too and it does help!
I absolutely agree with those
I absolutely agree with those who said NO WAY! I have been Custodial StepDad to my son (18) since he was 1yo. He was a package deal w/ his mom. I knew they were a package deal. I have raised him as my own.
However, if SS had been in his mid to late teens and the SpermIdiot had been the CP and then attempted to dump him on our doorstep I would have responded in an entirely different way. I would have had the police on the SpermIdiot like stink on shit for child abandonment if he had dumped the kid on anyone then ran away.
SpermIdiot has definitely not taken any responsibility for my SS nor the three younger also out-of-wedlock half sibs. My wife and I have raised HIS oldest and SpermGrandMa has raised the younger three and has paid the CS for my SS and even for Spawn #2 for while.
That is why we never dropped CS though we did not need the money. We made damned sure that someone in the SpermClan suffered the responsibility of paying CS for our son. We also made damned sure that our son (SS-18) knew the facts and had access to all of the records, court recordings, Court Orders, SpermIdiots arrest and criminal records, etc, etc, etc.....
The SpermClan has never given a flying rat’s ass about SS-18 and once the CS obligation ended none of the adult SpermClan members have attempted to set up a Christmas visitation or even called for that matter. Once we were no longer obligated to pay half of visitation travel costs they don't give a crap enough to even try to have him visit.
The oldest of SS's three younger half sibs does call and he calls her. He feels sorry for her since she has birth defects caused by prenatal drug abuse by her road whore mother and is given constant crap by the younger two half sibs.
As for talking to BM. If your DH does not have the stones to do it, go ahead. My wife has always been the point of contact with the SpermClan but I have not hesitated to step in when they are getting abusive or she is loosing her assertiveness with them.
They hate my wife, they detest me. When they have gotten lippy my wife I took my hand set off of mute and let them know that if they continued to be abusive that we would nail there asses in court for more CS. That shut them the hell up in a hurry.
If YOU agree to accept the older Skids in to your home I would only do it on the condition that your DH nails BMs ass to the wall for a ton of CS and that DH agrees to a very stringent set of older Skid rules as far as chores, treatment of you, younger SD and your new baby and behavior rules for all things home, family and school related.
Good luck.