Hi all;

This is only my 2nd post here on the site as Im still trying to find my way and especially figure out the difference between blogs and forum posts LOL but I came across this article on FB today and thought it was more appropriate as a blog than a post. 

The 7 traits of great relationships:

1) Trust - I posted about my fiancee (ex) having a close personal and private relationship with his ex wife and now that he has been hiding things and being secretive, as well as lied to me in the past, I dont trust him anymore.

Do you and your SO trust each other completely?  Particularly when it comes to Skids and BM?

2) Openness - My ex is certainly not open with me and even chose to change his phone passcdoe so I couldnt see what he was doing.  

Is your SO open with you about what happens with the BM and Skids, or even everything else in his life?

3) Respect - I realized that my ex did not respect me or our relationship as he allowed another woman to come between us and disrespect me and our relationship

Does your SO respect you, your relationship, your time your feelings, etc?

4) Teamwork - teamwork means working together to solve issues, even about the skids.  Whereas I see here from doing a lot of reading over the last week that a large majority of bios dont or wont work together with the step parents on deciding on house rules, how kids are to act when in the home, when they are going to be there, etc.

5) Joy - this is probably the only one that I had with my ex as we had fun together.  There was usually always laughter and fun when not arguing about the skids or BM

6) Kindness - Is your SO always kind to you or do they yell, scream, put you down, etc?  I know mine would occassionally tell me I was useless for some reason or even get testy and rude when he was overworked or tired for instance.  Not acceptable to not be kind to your mate!

Lastly, 7) Forgiveness - not a lot to say about this one, but as long as you can forgive one another, even for your own reasons, you should be good to go.

But reading this list really made me realize that not only was my relationship not a good or great one based on these traits, that I find completely acceptable and normal, but from reading other posts here I realize that so many other step parents are facing the same.  Why do we stay with these people that cannot provide us with the very basic of necessities for a good relationship?  And why do these bios feel that they should not live up to these basic necessities?  Do they really and truly in their heart of hearts feel that how they treat or deal with their kids or BM is more important than having a good or great relatioship with the person that they chose to marry?  

I guess just some ramblings for today and felt that I should post to others as it really hit home for me when I saw this article.  Thanks for including me into your little group here and allowing me to share! *air_kiss*