Short recap; SS18 lives 1000 miles away with no-parent BM and he's been in trouble constantly past four years: truancy, drugs, drinking, DUI, flunked 8th grade twice, etc. Is fairly smart and has tons of talent as a musician and athlete but seems to thrive on underachievement and self pity. Now says he wants to join Marines--this a kid who can't even get out of bed.

He barely calls his Dad, is always busy when Dad calls him, refuses offers to come here to an exciting college town with tons of music, and is in general, heading fast down a wrong way street. Poor DH is so hurt and angry. He raised those kids, literally got up at night cause fat-ass BM wouldn't wake up when the baby cried. (never heard of that have you?) He took them to church, picked them up at school, fixed up 4 wheelers and bikes for them, took them skiing and hiking, bought SS musical equipment and taught him how to play, etc. DH is an awesome father and husband. Fair, smart, fun. He doesn't understand why his kids revel in the reality show, low rent lifestyle when they were raised to be elite leaders. They both should be top of their class. SD didn't graduate (got GED) and SS is heading same way. Bad gene pool on BM's side?

I don't know how much is normal teen crap (never had a boy) or if SS is punishing DH for not being there or what. I would like to tell him how its affecting his dad, but I know it would just result in a s***storm on my head. DH is convinced he won't graduate in June due to some kind of f-up. I do blame BM for a lot of this (DH is getting a little annoyed at me cause I keep trashing her but oh well--he doesn't like her but tired of topic) but I believe she undermined him when the kids were teens and taught them not to respect this wonderful man. She lied about smoking, for example, and allowed the kids to smoke too. She's a baby in a real big body. And when the divorce happened, she played victim. People finally see what a loser she is. Examples: She didn't buy SS's medicine for an infection for five days last year and he got pneumonia. When the house was on fire (dryer) she was with her BF and didn't answer the kids' texts and calls for hours. That shows you what kind of parent she is.

Any thoughts? Maybe I should count my blessings...no brat here although I would welcome a nice young man...