You are here

lily11's Blog

We now have custody of SS17

lily11's picture

Submitted by lily11 on Tue, 06/11/2013 - 1:21pm

Just to update... DH got custody of SS17. It was a surprisingly simple process. BM did not even show up in court.

That was two weeks ago and the attorney office still has done nothing to stop the child support though. They assured us they would expedite this process and now they are just letting the paperwork sit.

They say it will take 4-6 weeks for them to process this. Really?!? BM is going to get at least 2 extra months of child support in the mean time and there is no way she will ever pay any of it back.

Is there nothing we can do?!

Can a 17 year old decide where they want to live? (Off Topic) UPDATE

lily11's picture

Submitted by lily11 on Sun, 04/28/2013 - 9:00am

I haven't been here in a while.

DH had a detached retina and some vision loss issues over the past year so our lives got pretty shaken up and off track for a while. It was a horrible ordeal for DH but the interesting thing was, it brought about a huge change in my SS17. He grew up a lot over the ordeal and became much closer to DH.

We have just moved back home this week - military transferred us back home and we'll be here for good after DH retires in a few years. SS17 desperately wants to move in with us.

Another (OT) Child Support Question

lily11's picture

Submitted by lily11 on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 11:47am

Since we have had some child support topics going today I thought I would ask my question. I fear talking about this because I don't want to open a can of worms. It would feel good to at least get it off my chest though.

Is there anything you can do about child support going to a parent when the child is not even living in her home?

When/How do you stop CS?

lily11's picture

Submitted by lily11 on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 8:27am

ss16 will graduate and turn 18 in less than 2 years now. I have read some terrible stories recently of people having a hard time stopping child support and continuing to pay for several months or even a year longer than they needed to.

When/how do you make sure CS will stop coming out of your paycheck asap? DH will not think to look into this. I have mentioned it to him and he seems to think it will automatically stop.

A surprising turn of events

lily11's picture

Submitted by lily11 on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 8:10am

I just wanted to share a positive experience I have recently had with ss16.

A couple weeks ago I finally sat down with ss16 and said I wanted to clear the air. For the first time ever I talked with him very directly about the tension between us. I told him I have always felt he doesn't want me around, maybe not even in his dad's life and asked him if this is how he really feels.

What is going on? Is this triangulation?

lily11's picture

Submitted by lily11 on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 11:29am

I'm working on setting and maintaining clear boundaries with ss16. That's my goal anyway. I'm trying to detach from him completely. I don't want to be angry with him but I AM angry and irritated with him most of the time. I find myself getting caught up in his mood swings. I get irritable when he's pushing my buttons and then I am very receptive when he chooses to be nice. I feel like a puppet.

Food Issues

lily11's picture

Submitted by lily11 on Fri, 07/27/2012 - 9:15am

We have food issues at our house. It creates a lot of tension.

I am a bit of a health and exercise nut and DH is very active and eats pretty well too. We don't eat at fast food restaurants and we don't keep hot dogs, candy bars, etc in the house. We don't judge anybody else's choices, this is just what we do.

ss16 is overweight and lives on hotdogs, candy bars, soda etc. I don't care what he lives on the rest of the year, but I don't want that in my house and refuse to buy it. The resentment from him builds and builds the entire time he's here.

Ready for the summer to be over?

lily11's picture

Submitted by lily11 on Fri, 07/27/2012 - 9:01am

Anybody ready for the summer to be over and skids to go home and back to school?

I am counting the weeks and soon will be counting the days. DH gets so depressed when ss16 goes home and I feel so relieved. Nobody gets what it's like to have a resentful stepson in your house, how after weeks of the tension it just wears you down.

How do you deal with skid/skids going home so that you can be supportive of DH feeling sad but also true to yourself and enjoying your new found peace, quiet and sanity?

DETACHING

lily11's picture

Submitted by lily11 on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 3:14pm

I'm reading a book called "Codependent No More" and there is a topic on detachment that I find interesting. I guess it's the same as disengaging? Does anybody know? The idea is that you "detach with love" when you find yourself excessively focused on that other person. If you can't do it with love, then do it with anger because detachment is better than to continue to be focused on the person.

I'm trying to figure out how to detach from ss16 with love.

Pages