I'm reading a book called "Codependent No More" and there is a topic on detachment that I find interesting. I guess it's the same as disengaging? Does anybody know? The idea is that you "detach with love" when you find yourself excessively focused on that other person. If you can't do it with love, then do it with anger because detachment is better than to continue to be focused on the person.

I'm trying to figure out how to detach from ss16 with love.

We have had a bit of a crisis at our house over the past month. My husband had a detached retina and is facing some vision loss. Both he and ss16 have leaned on me quite a bit over this past month. I'm tired, depressed and I'm having back and neck pain from all the stress.

I had started to think that ss16 and I had "bonded" a little through the crisis. But once things stabilized again he has gone back to being rude and disrespectful to me. I need to just detach once and for all. After 4 years and everything that's happened, if he is still rejecting me and trying to create trouble I don't see that it will ever end.

There has been a change in DH's attitude, however. I am sure his recent health situation has humbled him a little and he is finally aware that it really is his son causing the friction, not me. I don't see that I'm a cause of the friction but I definitely have an issue with setting boundaries. I'm learning that when I become angry and upset, it's a sign I am focusing too much on ss16 and not taking care of my own needs like I should.